"Staying physically sober presents no particular problem for me. I'm amazed at how easy it is for me to accomplish today that which I found impossible before the program. Emotional sobriety, on the other hand, presents quite a different problem. This requires considerably more of my focused attention."
"Many years ago I saved a brief newspaper article about a man who purchased a paper every day from a man who was habitually crabby and irritable. He did this without ever himself getting upset. When asked why or how he could do this, he answered, "Why should I allow that man to determine my mood for the day?"
That sentiment appealed to me then, and it appeals to me today. There's enough misery of my own making without taking on anyone else's."
"You Can't Make Me Angry" by Dr. Paul O.June 2008, pg. 12
(When I think of all the times I have made other people's problems my own, it is amazing to me. All the self-help books I read, tapes I listened to when I was an adult never seemed to make much of a difference in me being able to separate myself from a belligerent, (or sad, depressed, standoffish, etc.) boss, clerk, neighbor, friend, family member, or even a stranger. It was like I thought I had that much power to affect their attitudes and emotions when they would be upset at something unrelated to me. I would make it about me in my mind and obsess on it throughout the day, sometimes for days and even carry some of the past interactions I had in my encounters with them in my mind for years, asking myself "why did so and so treat me that way?" Then as my mind would recall bit by bit what happened I would get hurt and mad all over again as if it just happened! I am now learning how to dismiss other people's behavior and not try to "borrow" it for my own use. If I know in my mind and in my heart that I did not do anything to cause harm to that person, then I am okay. Most of the time my mind doesn't automatically go into the "what did I do?" when someone is upset. (I do feel a bit of sadness for the other person, however.) This new way of thinking didn't happen for me until I got into AA and started working the program. Still not where I want and need to be, as I have noticed that I still do go back "there" in my mind sometimes. Although it is not nearly as much and it usually happens when I am having a not so great day and more sensitive.)
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Tuesday 27th of May 2014 07:30:04 AM
In the days of my early sobriety I was probably one of the most thin-skinned, defensive, and sensitive fellows you'd ever meet. I was constantly hurt, humiliated, and offended by just about anyone and anything. Words and glances pierced my heart from all directions like a barrage of arrows on a battlefield. In fact, that's pretty much what life was for me -- a battlefield. The beginning of the end of all that ridiculous nonsense was when my sponsor handed me a bunch of Fourth Step inventory sheets, and showed me how to use them. I did a thorough Fourth Step, and he took me on through the rest of the Steps in a matter of a few months. I never meant it to happen. I didn't know it was going to happen. But, what did happen was that I got a strong dose of humility through that process of working the Steps. Something changed inside me to the point that, for the first time in my life, I was no longer walking around being wounded by the world and everyone in it. I stopped feeling victimized.
A good dose of humility turned out to be the antidote for the egotism that had plagued me all my life.
