Well the new job is going well. All my criminal court is behind me no jail time. I found a apartment I'm interested in yesterday and have first dibs. It just kind of fell in my lap, thanks GOD. Trying to hash out with the wife about who gets what and who's responsible for what. She agreed to let me have some things at the house for my new apartment. I'm going to write what I want and will agree to and let her look it over. Our goal is be in agreement before mediation so the divorce will go quicker. She still wants to be friends with me why I don't know. Still thinking on that one. I don't want to fall for her again and be rejected. I love her and she loves me. But she can't heal being married to me. This is very hard on both of us. I'm still grieve when another layer gets peeled back. Today was a good day. I think I finally surrendered that this is actually happening and started to live in the solution. I know God will get me through this but it does not make it any easier. The most important things in life aren't things!!! I know in my life I treated a lot of people as things. I realize I'm losing something money or anything else can put a value on. I'm losing a priceless gift but gaining something else. Humility. If you love something let it go whether it comes back or not. She had to make this decision for herself which she thinks is the right choice for her. It's not what I want but I fully support and respect her choice. I hope some day after we heal that yes maybe we can have a good friendship and support each other the way it was supposed to be without the toxicity. Trying to have faith that everything will work out how God wants it and it will be better than I could have ever imagined. Asking God for the courage to be fearless as I get a little closer to this new chapter in my life. I know the journey has been painful but I will grow and be rewarded for my efforts. Facing my fear with faith and asking God for the courage to change the things I can in me.
That's a great share...I would say you are moving on...I hope you are moving on with the steps too......That is the solution. Congrats on things starting to fall into place.
(((((Enigma)))))
Sounds like you are doing what you need to do. Things hopefully will get better/easier for you in time as your body, mind and your heart heals.
As I read your post, I saw the beginnings of the 1st three steps of AA. From my experience in AA, I have witnessed members of this nature and attitude of mind, always become the best sponsors. Keep it up!
You just surrendered all the more through this process. In my experience these types of challenges were my "growing pains" and they precipitated me making big strides. It's going to be a challenge to rebuild your identity, but it will now be solely based on sobriety without as many negative distractions.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
