"Anger that we feel justified in holding on to because of the circumstances. According to the Big Book, there is no justification for remaining angry about anything. Often we 'justify' the anger so we don't have to look at ourselves and our own part in creating it. The Twelve and Twelve reminds us, 'It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule' What about 'justifiable' anger? If somebody cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad' Can't we be properly angry with self-righteous folk? For us of AA, these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it. Anger, though inevitable on occasion, should be felt and then released as soon as possible lest it turn into a resentment. When someone offends, we should say to ourselves 'this is a sick person, too. How can I be helpful?"
http://www.ipass.net/a1idpirat/AAglossary.html
I was searching not for "anger" but rather for "hurt" and trying to relate it to what I have learned in AA. This over-sensitivity thing with me is starting to piss me off--so there's the anger--with myself--that I have allowed this to happen. When someone says something which hurts me to I need to remember the above. I don't want this crap to turn into a resentment, which may affect my sobriety. I have turned my hurt over to God and am going to let him deal with it, because I have found that it has drained my energy, caused me to lose sleep for the last couple of nights and has served no purpose whatsoever in my life. This experience has also shown me that I am not as far along as I thought I was that I let such a petty little thing affect my life to this degree. I am disappointed in myself. My energy is better spent trying to help others with this addiction and live the steps more fully. I must always remember that just because someone has the need to put me in my place by putting me down, make an unkind innuendo about or to me, etc. that I must pray to God for myself as well as this other person. They might have something which they are going through which I do not understand and maybe by praying not only for myself to release the hurt, as well as praying for them, it may help them, and help me to be the person God truly wants me to be.
The more you grow into your sobriety, the more you will engage in self-care and your esteem will go up. You will simply not have the time, energy, or desire to pay attention to negativity and haters.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I can relate to hurt and anger lately. I've felt used betrayed and stomped on. I was very pissed off all morning and it's just masking hurt and pain. It still amazes me what we can do to each even with the guilt and shame. I'm doing a lot of praying to try to forgive but don't thing I'm ready. I also definately don't trust at all. I'm still grieving and will drop the rock at some point. Today is just were I'm at and I have to acknowledge my feelings. I'm right were I'm supposed to be and God loves me.
Kinda like that "turn the other cheek" thing is what I need to do now....( and I guess that doesn't mean them turning their other butt cheek so I could kiss their ass some more, while they kept kicking me in the ass. Ha!)
Someone told me today that usually people like this are very insecure themselves and for some reason or another, it makes them feel better about themselves to put others down, and particularly ones who are beginning to feel better about themselves. (Misery loves company perhaps???)
Another thing is whenever I am down about something, things get to me so much more. My daughter has cut off all communication with me and hasn't answered my emails in months and months. Reaching almost a year in this program, I was hoping that she would want to see me, and perhaps come to my AA meeting when I pick up my year chip. Don't think there is a chance of that. One of the things which was keeping me sober was her responding to my emails with "Way to go", "I'm proud of you", etc. and when she started adding "Love" in her closings it just melted my heart. Now, I'm back to wondering if I will ever see her again. Now THAT is reason for me to be down. Not some mean-spirited remark.
All's well....I am at 11 months sober, I have a meeting tonight and am going to see people I care about and who I know care about me. Also, God has my back....and my front, and my sides, etc....and there is a great amount of comfort not feeling so alone anymore. And I am very grateful for those things.
this reminds me of a few years ago in a meeting ... I was sharing something and an 'old-timer' got up and started shouting about something that I had no idea what he was so upset about ... it had something to do with what I said (I had 2 or 3 years sober at the time) ... anyway, after the meeting, one of my sponsees came to me and asked how that made me feel? ... I said what, the outburst, that so 'n so had??? ... I said look, the guy has cancer ... I said something that upset him ... we have no idea what 'medication' he's on, so I say we cut him some slack and go on about our recovery ...
My sponsee said that was an amazing lesson for him ... I said, me too ... and just so y'all know, this guy WAS a very dear friend from whom I had learn a very great deal ... he came later to apologize for his outburst and I said that it was okay, we all have our moments ... he died a year or so later ... as a perfect example of someone who gave more to this program than he ever expected in return ... A truly great man ... a true inspiration ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
