My apoligies..if this sounds a bit harsh Ron....Ive been following your posts....and Im going to share something with you...
The reason being? Ive been exactly where youre at...a couple of times in my life..and sometimes REALITY sucks...
My obsession to have my wife and my kids back in my life...was unbelievable...24-7 even with AA and the program..
I was pushing 2 ends against the middle...and it didn't work..
On one side I was going to AA and doing all the right things...
On the other side...I was trying to turn the destruction around...so my wife would take me back...and 24-7...I was trying to think of the quickest solution as to HOW..
Went through a lot of emotional pain...and in the end? I had to fully accept...that it wasn't going to happen...and THAT didn't happen overnight..
I was in complete denial....I wouldn't believe that she didn't want me any more...
Then? My sponsor pointed out to me...That I had caused the Shit....That I had to take full responsibility for it....and consequences were a bitch...
For weeks I was obsessed....Whats she doing now? Whos she with? Whats she thinking? Ide do drive bys....and try to pry info from other people that my wife knew...Almost drove me to insanity and back to drink
And Yes..I pulled a few boners and made it worse....Every phone call?...every action? every message? I drove myself deeper into the shit pile..
I was SO deep in it....I couldn't hardly breath...
In the end? I had to finally give in....and accept that things weren't going to happen the way that I wanted them to...
You are very fortunate that you have people around you that truly care...about YOU..and that you sober....and are one of us..whatever happens...
Thanks for the memories Philip...did much the same thing myself only stopped the drive-bys and did something more healthy...LOL...I did jog-bys. Yeppers !! miles both ways and had to learn another route because now I was sick....and tired. Thank God for sponsorship which first adjusted my confused and complicated process into "keep it simple" and then the simplest lesson of "Let it go; Let God have it. If it was mean't to be it would be". The inventories on "my part in it" was much more simple than owning those parts and then sponsorship helped me over that with "simple" pictures and instructions. "Jerry F...the best way to eat crow is first to take the feathers off of it". I was also taught "There are consequences for everything we do and everything we don't do"...Consequences are and again I was taught..."Choose the consequences you want first....and then do the things necessary to get them". That reduces the boners...the mistakes.
I believe Ron that you know that this recovery/sobriety thingy is about progress and not perfection. When we keep working it we keep moving toward it and getting better at it. The people we harm and hurt can also choose how they want it to come out for them. Keep coming back.
