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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Cleaning House
Post Info TOPIC: Cleaning House
Enigma


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Cleaning House
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Today I wrote out six ammends as part of my 9th step work. Got very emotional with one of them. My feelings of hurt must go deep it's been 16 yrs since I spoke with them. Peeling another layer of the onion I guess and trimming the dead wood for new growth. I don't want to be the drink or the tornado anymore I actually care who I hurt. It also helped me get outside of myself. I didn't sleep at all last nite and can't figure out why. I do know living at my brothers I can see what a non toxic relationship is like. Everyone goes about there business so it seems, unconditionally and makes time for each other. I deserved to be loved because God thinks I'm worth it. I deserve to have a true partner. I did not have a partnership in my marriage at all. That's the hard truth. I was in a lot of denial. But just for today I don't have to be that ugly person. I can be patient, loving and tolerant of myself and others. You see it wasn't about me fixing my marriage I can't it's in Gods hands it's too big. I only had to focus on how to be more happily married and that begins with me and no one else. But there's a lot of wreckage. Like someone said to me. It's like Humpty Dumpty falling off the wall and not being to put all the pieces back together again. It like a jigsaw puzzle that u put together and it has a few missing pieces. It's never the same again and you accept or don't. Being shown a lot of stuff today that is being revealed and trying to see it from the other persons perspective and what my part was in it. The healing continues. Ron

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betterthanyesterday52


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(((((Ron)))))
Good for you!!!! Great inspirational stuff here and thanks for sharing. You are helping others who may be going through a similar experience as you are and not know how to go about making positive choices in their lives.
Again, good for you!

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Philipld


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Yupper! Another biggy!!  I went hog wild into it....and forgot about the "Except when to do so would injure them or others"

I wrote a huge letter to an ex wife..with HIGH expectations....Got a letter back..telling me in no uncertain terms...where the sun don't shine :)

Shede heard it all before....like a record player...Couldn't really blame her for the way she felt...and she was never heard from after that..

Embezzled big bucks from my employer...so got this big idea that I could ask for my job back ..and do paybacks to him off my paycheck..Bad idea :)

I think that one of the biggest amends I ever made? Was just to stay sober..



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Mike D


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Hi Ron,

I really liked your post about the amends you made.  That's great!  For me, that 9th Step was the point where all the healing really happened.  It totally changed everything for me.  It made me wish I'd made those amends a long time before that.  But, of course, it couldn't happen until I got desperate enough to make it happen.  For me, it was either do it, or die drunk.  Keep going, man!  You're doing fabulous!

Blessings, Mike D.



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pinkchip


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Bravo enigma. Courageous work in the face of emotional challenges. Keep pushing!

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Stepchild


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Hey Ron....I hope you are well today. I like the Humpty Dumpty reference. I pretty much destroyed a marriage of 17 years...I actually chose alcohol over a very good lady. That's what kind of grip it had on me. It wasn't done with me yet....I had another relationship left after that that really busted me up....Alcohol again. Every bad relationship I've ever been in...I was the common denominator. I'm learning some things you just can't repair....As much as it sucks.

I remember the amends I did with my ex wife.....I manned up and took complete ownership for butchering that marriage. Told her I'm trying to change...Maybe I could help someone in the future save their own marriage before they progressed as bad as I did. We ended up talking for an hour. I didn't expect that. It was much more plaesant than I anticipated.

I see you are working on your ninth step Ron...I'm hoping you have done the eight steps that precede it....With a sponsor...Even better. I've seen people come into AA and go straight to the ninth step....The results were never good. Hang in there brother....It will get better.



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Enigma


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Today was a good day. Got lots accomplished. No emotional roller coaster. Yes I have a sponsor and work the steps with him. Lol. He was sponsoring me before I knew he was sponsoring me. I know this is a start to a better life no matter what happens. A mind is a terrible thing to waste and we alcoholics waste none of it. I choose not to be there today. Let go let God. Have to head out to a men's 12/12. Ty

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Pythonpappy


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I was just thinking, ... if we don't 'clean house', ... our sobriety is like building a house on 'sand' ... ... ... it would not last ... good thread Enigma ... shows a lot of growth ...



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