As someone who has only recently quit drinking my health is poor. I feel like I might even be a diabetic but I recently took a new job and will not be covered by health insurance there for a month or two. I know it is reckless to be without but it was an effect of my reckless and insane lifestyle over the past decade. I'm not overweight but I have a neuropathy in my right foot and didn't even connect it with possible diabetes until I was sober. I don't know where to begin. The extent of the damage I have done to myself over the past year is shocking to me. I know that I have a chance at cleaning up the mess as a sober person but things are in shambles right now with regards to my health and finances and personal and working relationships. It feels very overwhelming right now. I watched my sister go through everything I am currently experiencing when she got sober but I couldn't relate at the time. She has been sober and active with aa for many years now and that does give me some hope, unfortunately our relationship suffered because I was in total denial about my drinking and eventual drug problem. I can't believe I went down the same exact path when I had in fact judged her when she was at the bottom of her spiral downwards. For both of us, years of partying culminated in absolute alcoholism and massive disaster. I couldn't go to work without a twelve pack in the back of my car, resulting in me hitting a guardrail while driving home drunk. It's amazing I'm not in jail. Most of my relationships have effectively disintegrated, with the really great ones having been edged out over time because they chose not to live my addict lifestyle. Now that I've made a commitment to myself to live sober it's a matter of tackling every ruined area of my life piece by piece. It's also terrifying having to live as my real self and not the goofy, relaxed, and outgoing persona I created with alcohol and uppers. Most people who know me at this point have no idea what my personality actually is. I just have no other choice, it's literally accept it or die. I'm trying and it's good to have this forum to vent.
Yes, it sometimes feels like a monumental task when we look at everything we have done and everything we need to address. The good news is - we only have to do this one day at a time. In fact, that's the only possible way to do it. When I would get overwhelmed by all of this, my sponsor would tell me: "Dave, I wish you a long, slow recovery". He was right. Time is going to pass at the same rate, regardless of whether I obsess over things or not. And just by staying sober each day, and working all twelve steps, everything worked out. The relationships I had ruined were set right, and instead of cringing when I thought about the past, I could actually laugh about it with those who were now so glad to have seen me recover.
If you want a glimpse of how good things can get, read the Promises in the Big Book. They describe what our life, and our outlook on life, will be like by the time we reach step 9.
Time to get to a meeting and try to go to one everyday for 90 days ... you find not only the solution there, but also a guide for living sober ... our bodies DO take time to recovery from the abuse ... but so long as I don't add any more alcohol to the system, it keeps getting better, and healthier ...
Welcome to MIP ... glad you're here ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I too had messed up my life so much with alcohol and the way you described your life and how you feel about yourself now is how I felt about mine by the time I got sober. The only hope I had of surviving was going to AA meetings. I had been in and out of the rooms and that is the only thing that has kept me sober. Now instead of feeling hopeless I have hope.
BTY
Thanks to all for your kind replies. I feel like I at least have hope now that I've started attending meetings. I'm so ready for this change after many agonizing years of being exhausted.
-- Edited by crazy in virginia on Monday 7th of April 2014 08:38:49 PM
Sounds like you have been beaten to that state of reasonableness they talk about in the book. I know I was. Alcohol is the great persuader. I grew up in Virginia....Started my drinking career there.....It beat me badly. The solution is in the book....Get yourself one and study it. It could save your life.....And give you a new one. It did for me.
Hey Katie - this disease is a real 'b***h'. It really messes up our lives usually before we get help. That sucks... but the good news is, it's one of the only diseases where you get to put your life back together and enjoy the 'medicine' (meetings, teaming up with a trusted friend to do step work with, helping others some day). A lot better than chemo or having to take pills every day.
I for one, am enjoying my medicine right now here chatting with you :)
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thanks Just a Drunk, I'm hoping I was shocked into submission soon enough to recover the financial situation. I'm very glad to have this resource. I'm just getting through it by planning the next meeting the next day and so forth.
Hi Stepchild, another member bought me a copy of the book at my first meeting and wrote a touching inscription inside with notes on parts of it that really helped him. I think he could tell that I was shocked by the realization of where my life had led me and very uncomfortable and nervous, it was a very meaningful gesture and greatly appreciated. Thanks for your advice too.
-- Edited by crazy in virginia on Monday 7th of April 2014 10:01:59 PM
That's awesome.....You could do yourself a favor by hanging around people like that. Hang with the people living this program....You'll know who they are. Welcome aboard.
I'm glad you have a book - and friend - and a desire to stop drinking.
My desire to stop drinking is long gone now... it was overtaken by my desire to START LIVING! This of course is covered here in reCOVERY as well.
You have a lot of gratitude already... how beautiful. I could barely choke out a thank you in the beginning, it was so foreign to me to be grateful for ANYTHING.
It's the little things. They add up!
One day at a time is a great pace... there were a couple in there that I had to just clench my fists through and make until midnight lol.
Now those days are long gone and I look forward to waking up and seeing what's next. Much better than waking up and saying "DAMMIT!"
Hopefully you'll be able to make 90 meetings in 90 days and post here every day as well. There are other newbies here for you to relate to as well right now... so if you share a little bit about your day and think of this as a journal that talks back, you will be helping others while helping yourself. That's what it's all about my friend.
xoxoxoxo Have a good night, see you tomorrow.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
