Yes - lets talk about family :)

We are family here - family of choice!

I get a feel for what a real family is all about.  I learn to go with the flow, I learn I can adapt to the changes, I learn there are things for me, and there is a place for me.  That I'm a special  part of this, and we each have our own special part.  With every share - we give AA a heartbeat.  The really neat thing about being here for me right now, is that I get to practice being present.  Not running every time a little something doesn't go my way.  I can come back.  I can work through it.  I can forgive and forget!  I can come back each day and check the growth chart to see where everyone's at.  What's done is done!  Each day we are all changing and growing - and old resentments melt away into new exciting discoveries!  We can all jump for joy when we can see over the counter top - and then reach the top cupboard, and then finally - help another get that treat stashed away on the top shelf where it's just out of reach...

Every day - about 10 or more times per day, I tell my children that I'm not a table or a garbage.  For some reason they bring stuff to me.  I see this happen to all mom's.  I'm not alone in this weird twilight zone of parenthood weirdness where children assume your multi functionality.  It took me a good while to say what I am and what I am not.  Boundaries of sorts. 

One thing I considered in hind sight is the safety.  You know that kid who's so sweaty from an hour of fun and play and eating on the run - who brings you the apple core, or the banana peel... arm extended out to you with garbage - not looking at you - keeping the eye on the game at hand... HURRY MOM TAKE THIS! 

I tried it for a while.  I would walk over to my husband or anyone for that matter, and while they were distracted talking to someone - I would just hand them garbage.  Some would take it and not realize it until much later.  Some would even throw it away and never even notice what just took place!  (much to my giggle... sshhhhh)

I was one of those.  I was a garbage and a table.  It wasn't until recovery that I began to slow down in my life enough to be aware - in it - present - mindful - whatever you wanna call it... but it all seems to stem from being true to myself.  Yes we talk a lot about that here :)  It's so simple yet oooooooooh so hard at times isn't it???  I don't really think about it now.  I just say it automatically.  It comes naturally to me to be more 'with it' than out of it so to speak. 

I wish I could pinpoint exactly when the shift changed... because the children still bring me their garbage.  I am safe to them.  I LOVE that.  They can trust me.  I WORKED for that.  Sometimes it's just a matter of shifting their hand over and saying "drop it".  Sometimes I think of recovery as being that simple.  Drop it!  

  If only for today, I will drop my troubles and revel in the safety of my HP.

:)   xoxoxoxxoxo