my last drink was 4/21/05. my first AA meeting was 4/23/05. after a little while, I got into a friendship with thom. he was a lil wild, but always had good stuff to share, wasn't afraid to admit he wasn't perfect, and shared often his perception of god. that helped me out quite a bit. he helped learn how to have fun sober. when I was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months in, thom was one of the 1st people I told. he was devastated. he was so dam supportive through the 3 1/2 year battle. at first it was rather scarey- I wasn't used to someone caring that much about me and willing to drop everything they were doin to dive me the 300 mile round trip to see my oncologist, get a PET scan, or even just come over and jump on my mower and cut my lawn! thom was the one who got me back on a motorcycle about 3 years into recovery. I stopped riding about 14 years before that. I chose alcohol over riding. it was pretty funny how that happened. he had his and his wifes bike stored in my garage for the winter, came over on a Saturday to get his to go get the fluids all changed and tried to get me to ride his wifes bike( a super mint 98 virago) back to his place to do the same to hers. I came up with the excuse that I was too busy with stuff around the house, but in reality I was scared shitless of getting back on a bike- afraid it would lead me to a drink. welp,he took his bike home, then the next day came by. I was in the garage and he tossed me a helmet and said,' I aint leaving til you get on that bike and ride." 15 minutes. that's all it took for me on that bike to feel...well....I cant explain it. if ya ride,ya know what it is. and I didn't want to drink! through that cancer battle, thoms talks with me helped tremendously. he talked a LOT about the power of his God and that helped me change my perception of mine. we had drifted apart after a while. I wont go into details other than to say we had different views on how to live sober. we would see each other at meetings and occasionaly take a roadtrip now and then, always have good conversation after meetings, but it wasnt like it was before. although i still considered him a true friend. i found out saturday thom committed suicide Friday. there were many things i believe that led to it, but i wont go into detail about that either. im very angry tonight. he was a father, grandfather, husband, uncle, nephew, cousin, son, and friend to many.yes, im angry at him. im angry at the diseases of alcoholism and addiction( he wasn't drinkin). im angry at mental disorders. i am angry and saddened by this, but it has reminded me of some things: theres nothing wrong with seeking professional help outside of AA. i must not rest on my laurels. i must remain willing to go to any lengths. untreated alcoholism/addiction can kill. life is short. just one more thing a drink wont help me through
((((tomsteve))))) I am so very sad and sorry to hear about your dear friend thom. Your story of how great a friend he was to you and how much he helped you during your illness as well as in helping you to stay sober was very touching. The anger you feel is normal and that will hopefully subside in time. You may never know what caused him to decide to end his life. He obviously was going through some battle(s) in his life which overwhelmed him and which he felt he was unable to deal with. I hope that time will provide you with peace in your heart and mind and the God of your understanding will help you deal with the loss of your friend and all the wonderful memories of Thom and how much he helped you will come to mind when you think of him.
Life happens ... I have a couple stories that mirrors these ... no need for details here either ... fact is, we don't know what they were think'n or what was go'n on in their lives to cause them to make the ultimate decision ... I've had melanoma cancer as well (early stage ... operable) ... during the ordeal, my mind raced about on things that I had done and wish I had done differently ... I chose to drink over it but somehow lived through it (God's will I suppose) ... Today, I see things much differently ... each of us have our own journey ... and that journey can take a turn down an uncharted path if we;re not careful ...
I have given thanks for knowing those who have 'passed on' leaving me with important lessons learned ... I pray that their good deeds will outweigh the drastic measures they saw they needed to take in the finals days ... sad, absolutely ... I'm sorry for your loss Tom ... if we live long enough, we're bound to experiences these horrible moments ... therefore I choose to remember the positive influences these folks have had on me, and not dwell on the 'why' ... that is something the good Lord would let me know about if it were His desire for me to know ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Tomsteve....ah mate. When someone who is a major part of your life leaves so suddenly so unexpected then yeah. It hurts. A lot.
The anger and sadness is part of that hurting.
I know been there (not suicide) share this one on one with someone is what I did and it helped me hugely.
hugs mate, hugs.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
thanks,all and thanks pappy. I have had a lot of acceptance happen overnight. decided today to pull Nadine( my bike) out of hibernation and go for a ride. a wee bit chilly still here, but it was well worth it.
Good for you man, good for you ... part reflection, part you in the 'now' ... your journey through this life is yours only ... make the most of it ... it only happens once ... we cannot, or should not, judge the actions of others ... we can only hope that 'our' actions will be judged fruitful by our 'maker' ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
