This was probably next to the biggest fear I had about working these steps. As if the 4th Step wasn't enough--listing my resentments and reading my creeping crud to a person I have known only a few months, then I have to deal with this same person make a list of my "character flaws"!

After the meeting a few days ago I felt numb and exhausted. I felt that way most of the day and started to second guess all of this step stuff that evening. By the next day, I felt considerably better. It was strange--no huge "sense of relief" I had heard others in meetings share that they experienced after working these two steps; however, something was truly different. My day was calmer. I was not nearly as anxious which I was beginning to believe was just a part of "me" and who I am even sober. My attitude in general is just so much better!

It wasn't easy reading the list of "flaws" my sponsor had written down. It is not that I ever thought I was perfect and thought I was far from it most of my life. The list of "assets" paled in comparison to those "FLAWS"! A couple of them I balked. Like...."selfish".......me?????? That is a tough one. I found myself thinking some negative thoughts about my sponsor while I was reading through them. WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL "ME" WHAT MY FLAWS ARE? I can do it all day long, but no one else should do it. Then I realized that so many resentments I had listed were expectations I had of others and I had only my own desires in mind. So many of the things I did which caused repercussions were not the faults of another, it was my doing.

So I am extremely grateful to my sponsor for taking the time to help me through these steps and make me realize that my perceptions of the world and other people are flawed sometimes and I do have serious character flaws of my own which I need to clear away so that I will have clearer perceptions and not make the same mistakes I have made in the past which have hurt not only me, but others. I am praying everyday to God to help me remove my character flaws. I don't want these little nasties sticking around and causing me trouble for the rest of my days. Cleaned the bottles out of here, cleaned the rooms (well...not all of them yet--cleaning them is a better way to put it), and now I'm working on cleaning the character flaws outta my mind with God's help so that I can be of better service to others.

I love the way I have been feeling this week since doing the 4th and 5th Step! I love AA. Thanks Stepchild, Pappy, Mike D., and the others on this board that helped encourage me to "Git 'er done!"

BTY