Worried about my mom.....She lives in a different city than I do. She just moved into a apartment not long ago and we have talked on the phone a few times since her move. It has been nice over the last several months. We are closer now. Our relationship just kept getting worse and worse over the years due to my drinking and when I left my husband, it was like I left her, as she took it very personally and really gave me a hard time about it. She even talked about maybe taking my ex up on his offer for her to move in with him and my daughter. Talk about weird.....I wanted to tell her, "well, I hope you both will be very happy together."

I have been trying to call her several times since Friday. I don't get an answer. I am hoping either something is wrong with her phone or she is visiting my brother, who lives out of town. I haven't seen my brother since a good while before I left my ex. So it has been maybe around 8 years. Whenever I would call him in the past, the calls always went into this weird answering machine from the Twilight Zone, because he never received the messages I sent. Mom said the same thing happened to her calls to him. He didn't have a cell phone and so one time I had to call the hospital he worked out to leave a message for him that mom was in the hospital several years ago. Mom has let me know whenever she has gone to see him and it is usually during spring break when my brother and his wife need a babysitter to take care of their son. (Otherwise, my brother doesn't have much at all to do with my mom).  I tried to call mom after my meeting tonight. No answer, again. For her not to be home that late is very unusual. Of course, I am fearing the worst. She is 78 years old. I have emailed my sister to get my brother's number again. No response yet. (My sister and my mom hardly have anything to do with one another. That's another story.) I found myself checking my emails to see if my ex (who sometimes calls/emails my mom), another relative who she is close to, and even my daughter (my daughter doesn't have much at all to do with me--another story--already posted more than once about all that). I have checked my email probably 50 or more times in the last couple of hours. My ex hasn't talked to her and he is the only one who has answered so far.

So tonight I am hoping I can sleep. I realized that this is one of those things I do not have any control over. I don't have the need to go out and get a drink---drinks, that is, because it never is one--to help me get through this. When I found myself getting very anxious I was concerned I would want to drink. I quickly told myself what I have heard in meetings and here, and what Pappy responded to someone's post--a drink never makes anything better, (or something like that) went through my mind. And it never does for me. My mom is where she is, and my drinking is not going to change that.  I just hope I am just being overly paranoid the way I have been over so many things and that my mom is alright.

I'm going to be burning up the phone lines if I still cannot reach her by tomorrow a.m. If I find out she went out of town several days and didn't tell me, I'm going to give her an earful because that woman needs to let me know when she is going to be gone for several days so I don't go through this anymore worrying about her and fearing the worst has happened. Then again, I will probably just be so relieved to hear she is alright and just say a prayer of thanks to God. I do know that my family has been very dysfunctional and my ex used to tell me, "You have the darndest family, because none of you ever 'talk'". And he was exactly right back then and that still holds true to this day. It is pretty bad when I am afraid of making my mom mad because I am calling my sister and brother to find out where she is, and I know she is going to get po'd at me. But I would rather her be safe and get upset at me then for my worst fears to be true.

BTY