these skills are proven ways to resolve conflict and create successful human relationships where everyone wins. This Conflict Resolution technique is endorsed by many psychologists, counsellors, doctors, business managers, and teachers.
who: Use it with: *your partner *your children *your parents *your work colleagues *your friends *your business negotiations
when: When it�s time to take action on your own problem or helping someone else.
how: Work on the questions alone or together. Writing down the answers often helps. One or more of these skills will make the difference.
why: You will not only take a significant step towards resolving your own immediate problem, but you will also be helping to build the conflict-resolving community.
DO I WANT TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT?
Be willing to fix the problem.
CAN I SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE NOT JUST MY OWN POINT OF VIEW?
Broaden your outlook.
WHAT ARE THE NEEDS AND ANXIETIES OF EVERYONE INVOLVED? Write them down.
HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS FAIR?
Negotiate.
WHAT ARE THE POSSIBLITIES?
Think up as many solutions as you can. Pick the one that gives everyone more of what they want.
CAN WE WORK IT OUT TOGETHER?
Treat each other as equals.
WHAT AM I FEELING?
Am I too emotional? Could I � get more facts, take time out to calm down, tell them how I feel?
WHAT DO I WANT TO CHANGE?
Be clear. Attack the problem, not the person.
WHAT OPPORTUNITY CAN THIS BRING?
Work on the positives, not the negatives
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE IN THEIR SHOES?
Do they know I understand them?
DO WE NEED A NEUTRAL THIRD PERSON? Could this help us to understand each other and create our own solutions?
HOW CAN WE BOTH WIN? Work towards solutions where everyone�s needs are respected.
-- Edited by jersey at 05:27, 2006-02-03
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armed with the twelve steps all things are possible
excellent topic. I took a couple of conflict mediation types of courses... effective communication,,, and the like. One of the main ideas is that when we disagree we disagree with the idea and do not attack the person. It is inevitable that any 2 people are going to disagree sooner or later,,, over some major or minor thing. This is particularly important for married couples, but for everyone. Personal attacks like,,, 'if you think that then there is something wrong with you', or, 'you're just being a bitch, or prick, or whatever', or, 'everybody thinks so and if you don't you are just plain weird' don't help at all to resolve the problem, but use the tactic of intimidation to try to get one's own idea to dominate. Conflict mediation skills are more like, 'well,, I understand that that has been your experience and you have reason to think that, but my experience has been different and my perspectives are then different, so let's share each other's perspectives and see if we can come up with something that works for both of us', or, 'I know you didn't mean to offend me, but when you said that it invalidated what I have experienced in my life', or, "are you sure that is correct? maybe we should look that up".
Like the article says,, 'negotiate' instead of play tug of war.
My family was sooooo dysfunctional in this area. They constantly invalidate each other in trying to be validated themselves.... a win/win result was a very rare outcome. I guess that is the way the world has been forever, eh? Professional conflict mediators have their work cut out for them.
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
