24 hours ago i was inches from a bottle. it had seemed that it was all just not going to work,i was lost and realy didnt even know if i wanted to be found.through a lot of suport from you guys and from some help here(boston)i was able to stay sober THANK YOU ALL.things have been realy crazy (go figure ) my familey life all butt seemed to be lost ,at some point yesterday i let hp take all of it (im not realy sure what all of "it" realy was )put he took it and i made it .i feel much better and ill be getting to a f2f today.i worked very hard yes terday on all my steps.i still have a long way to go butt i just want to say thanks to everyone(including you E.B.) HAVE A GREAT DAY ALL
I read your Post, over, and over, remembering how those first days felt for me, the closest way to describe them, in retrospect, was I.C.U., I was not in a Hospital,(probably, I needed to be) but those moments of doubting that after 10+ years of chronic relapse, I would be able to do it.
Looking back, and also identifying with what you said about giving it all up to your Higher Power, was the turning point for me. When I would attend meetings, and I did everyday, finally, I would sit in those rooms, so full of fear, not trusting myself. Sometimes I would not be able to hear things that were said, because of the intense fear in my head.
But I would go back, and continue just sitting at a meeting, didn't have the courage to talk about the fear inside, for a long time. But through and by the Grace of God, those first days, turned into the first week, then the weeks turned into months. I can rememer thinking that i was showing up, not my myself, but God was finally in my life, guiding me to another meeting.
Benny, I can tell you one thing I do believe with all my heart, that I had very little to do with not drinking in those first days, weeks, months that turned into years. And now, it is as plain as day to me, my Recovery from Alcoholism happened only because, I was no longer in charge of it. God did for me what I could not do for myself.
Hold on, and then, keep holding on, in my Opinion, you can rest in that 1st step, go to a meeting every day, don't drink in between, and watch the Miracle happen in your life.
I don't know if you were speaking literally or figuratively about that bottle sitting next to you, but if you were speaking literally, it would really be a good idea, to turn in upside down, in the sink.
Staying away from the sight and smell of Alcohol is number one, having a bottle of Alcohol in your house right now, would be the eqivilent of playing Russian Roulette. Don't want to go there Benny, that's a given.
Feeling scared is o.k., it is really, in my opinion, a healthy fear at this time.
When you go to your AA meeting today, if you raise your hand as a newcomer, and can find it in you to ask for a Sponsor, even a Temporary One, I think you will find one, but you need to ask.
I am so PROUD of you for doing the first 24 hours, and sometimes we have to break those hours into minutes, but you can do this, just put the whole think in His hands. Ask him and you will be amazed.
We are all here for you and support you in this, hold on for dear life to Phils little Recovery Boat, and you be sailing along with us. You have already climbed in, can you feel that?
My love and Prayers go out to you this morning, can you feel them?
i can feel all that love in a wierd way ,i was speaking to someone earlier and telling her i feel like a man thats been in the desert for days with no water . then i happen apon a lake ,it was no mirage and i still couldnt get enough water i drank and drank(the water)lol while i feel this a good thing for me i am terrified of it and yet i still want more water.. my emotion day are very wierd almost uncomfortable to me the simpele things seem to effect me (in a good way).any way i will take what you have to offer and drink it too thank you for seeing me
I was just reading your response, and had a funny thought i wanted to share, the Avatar that you picked out for yourself, does not describe how we look in early recovery, but it sure speaks to how we feel, in early recovery, and sometimes in long term recovery, when we let our "isms" out to play. Got to keep a close eye on those "isms". They can surely get us!
lol, toni,
have a good day, and if you can't have a good day, a sober day will be a success!!!!
Hey, Benny. WOO HOO! I'm so happy you didn't pick up a bottle. When you get that feeling, just hold on, and it WILL pass. I found when I had that "urge" or craving, what worked for me was to concentrate on Step One and prayed "grant me the gift of sobriety today" . Pick up the phone or get to a f2f right away. One day at time, one hour or one minute, whatever it takes, just don't drink no matter what.
I'm almost 6 months sober, and don't know when it happened, but the urge was lifted, atleast again for today......
Hugs!
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
