Here's a related one:

How many drug and alcohol abuse counselors does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but the light bulb has to really WANT to change. 

I totally agree.  Humor is good for us.

Pat O`rielly goes into the bar and orders 2 wiskeys...tosses one down and the other into the left side of his jacket and then orders another round.  When it comes he does the same thing and the barkeep starts thinking that Mr. O`rielly is a bit to far gone and then Patty orders agains and the barkeep says "Tis none of my business Patty but it does seem a bit strange and not very economical for whatcha doing don't you think?  Patty repeats his style and says "Tis none of your business mate give me another round" and so the barkeep shaking his head pours the man another double and carries it over to him.  "Don't go wasting good wiskey Patty...just do it good".   Patty tosses down his drink and face to face tells the bartender "I told you tis none of your busines and if you get inna my face again about my drinking I'm climbing over this bar and gonna do you up right" at which time the lapel of his jacket flips open and a really blitzed rat falls out on the bar, stands up and shouts, "And that goes for your freaking cat too"!!....I could happen.    LOL  

Here's an OLD one:





The Pastor's Ass

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won !!

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the next race,
and it won that race too.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another races.

The next day the local paper headline read:
"BISHOP
SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S
ASS".

This was too much for the Bishop, so he
ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!!

The Bishop fainted ....

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey as soon as possible.

So she sold it to a local farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

"NUN
SELLS ASS FOR $10".

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back the
donkey, and take it to the plains
where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is .. . . being
concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery,
even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier
and live longer!

Have a nice day and laugh

SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.


FIVE Other Simple Truths:

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems but then neither does milk.

Bonus Truth: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

eBay Warning




>eBay Warning.....
>
>Be careful what you buy on eBay.
>
>If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.
>
>A friend has just spent $95, plus postage, on a penis enlarger.
>
>Bastards sent him a magnifying glass.
>
>The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."

Well, ... We DO laugh a lot since I stopped drink'n ... yep, yet another miracle!