I heard the other day this quotation. At first I thought it was a rather crude way the person had of describing human beings. She explained that people come into our lives for a reason and to serve a purpose and once that purpose is served, then relationships are ended. I have had quite a few abrupt relationship endings and some painful prolonged endings. I have to say the good and the bad relationships I have had, I have missed the other person. I miss the good times which were shared, the laughter, their smile. I even broke down in tears when I had to leave a job in the past because I was going to miss the people I worked with. At that time, I was working at a nearby University and I was Admin. Asst. in the Physics Dept. There were all male professors and none of them seemed to particularly go out of their way to make me feel welcome, but I was going all out to do everything and more that was expected of me in that position. They were often abrupt, sometimes sulky, and seemed to me to be uncaring and emotionless alot of times. Someone told me that they were so smart they had lots of book sense, but little people sense. (Hopefully, this will not offend anyone). My feelings were often hurt and I held back tears sometimes, and other times got "caught" crying. Anyway, these were some of the most egotistical men I had been around (and believe me, I have been around quite a few of them), yet when I realized I had to find another job, it broke my heart to think I wouldn't see them anymore. So it is no surprise to me, that with especially close friendships and other relationships, when the relationship ends, I have been completely devastated.
(I don't believe this "expiration date" expression is true where a horrible crime has been committed. I can think of several that do, which involve the devil, but won't get into that here.)
Anyway, just felt the need to share that for some reason. Hope everyone is having a beautiful day. I am not as down as I was. It is a wonderful day, and I am very grateful to God for it, as I am for all of you here.
Love and Hugs,
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Sunday 2nd of February 2014 01:56:29 PM
I think I prefer to think of them as "Best before" dates.....that way I focus on the positive moments of the relationships rather the just prior to "expiration". Then I set the date around 2075 and do my best to enjoy the moment.
LMAO GTT, ... good one ... I needed that this a.m. to get my tiny brain started, Thanks ...
"People Who Come Into Our Lives Have Expiration Dates"
I prefer now, to live in the moment ... trying to think about, or predict , the usefulness of someone else in my life, especially how long that will last, is something I don't have time for ... I'm already nuts, don't need to miserable too ... This type thinking, to me, lends itself to all kinds of 'doomsday' scenarios (and for sure, depression) ... ... ... why would I want to subject myself to that ??? ...
Whether or not these 'people' are here to 'encourage' us or to 'discourage' us is of no concern ... it's what we do with the relationship and how we allow ourselves to become better or worse for it, that, is the important issue here ... it's how we allow others to influence our thinking and our actions that count ... I suggest seeking guidance from our HP to make the best out of any situation ... therein lies the power to change, or to walk the right path to 'peace and serenity' ... ... ...
And, the 'expiration dates' could mean we look at how long others will be 'alive' ... not just 'in our lives' ... ... ... this is thinking that serves no 'growth or progress' in my way of thinking ... (just an opinion from an old drunk) ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
BTY, prior to the program, my life was entirely defined by other people I interacted with. I had not spent time figuring out who I was across various settings and I also was a massive people pleaser. I still carry some of those traits, but I have an improved sense of self and worth apart from others so I can let some people go and understand they are still in my heart or it's just on to a new adventure for me or them. I'm a bit less craving of approval from others but it's a work in progress.
Anyhow, I can remember always crying on my last days of jobs (even when I hated them)....Crying whenever I moved....even when I hated where I lived. Once people drifted out of my life, I also would cut them out completely because "it hurt too much" to hear from them every once in a while when I used to see them daily. Now I know it's cuz I was never doing anything with my life so those sporadic conversations when you call up an old friend were avoided by me because I really had nothing to say. I sponged off others and I was selfish in just cutting people out of my life because I didn't have the skills to maintain friendships or develop them beyond the work environment. Anyhow, still a work in progress there also.
I can identify with what you wrote. I guess in sum, when I was drinking, I was really floundering for meaning in life. I didn't have it internally or from a higher power. I took it from wherever and that included jobs, people, and things that weren't even all that great or nice and then I feared change from any false meaning I created. The meaning is more internal now, so all those things about me are improving, as I suspect they are for you too.
I think the saying for alkies is "Anything I let go of has claw marks on it."
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I like what you wrote, Pappy, and it sounds like a great perspective for one to have. I cannot help but think of "bad meat" when I think of the quotation. I guess in a way, this quote was comforting to me to think that (number one) all relationships have a purpose in our lives; (number two) when that purpose is fulfilled then it is alright for them to end.; (number three) I don't have to fall apart but can treat them as learning experiences and accept them for what they are instead of what I wished they were and (number four)They may help me have stronger and more meaningful relationships in the future.
Anything "death related" I cannot handle in relation to that quotation as I feel that is a sad, perhaps morbid form of thinking, so that was what I was trying to get across in my posting, as well. When I went back and read what I wrote I thought, OMG, does it sound like I know a bunch of murderers?
I don't know if you remember the 20/20 or Dateline episode where they found out that a well known grocery store was taking expired meat, mixing it with fresh meat and putting another sticker over the expired sticker, thus "lengthening" the original expiration date. They found out that they were also mixing meats. So if you thought you were getting, say, ground hamburger, perhaps you were also getting ground pork in it as well. I think I have extended the life of certain relationships far beyond the length of time they should have ended as well as "added" my own ingredients which didn't belong in them in the first place. (Like alcohol or nagging). Not sure if that is going to come out sounding stupid, but since I am trying not to worry what other people think of me like I usually always do, I will say that I don't really care, as my HP and I know what I mean (I think....)
And pinkchip....you and I do sound a lot of like. I'm sorry.
Hi Pappy, glad I could provide some light-hearted humour in the seriousness of my post. It was intentional for sure however I also wanted to illustrate the benefit of reframing a subject from a negative to a positive. People come into our lives and people leave and some we shelve for future reference. I'm just glad I have the moments to even consider the subject. One thing that I have found that helps is to listen to ourself and strip out the vocabulary that we use that is negative in any way. Do this for what you say internally and speak externally. It is a challenge and requires careful consideration. That one exercise, if practiced enough, will become a new habit and will pay dividends in so many positive ways. And since the recorder will play in your head anyway, it's usually best to play something you enjoy listening to and brings us a sense of calm and happiness. We're always quick to change the station when something doesn't suit our taste yet we let the same DJ play the same repetitive song inside our mind over and over. I say "Change the station!". You'll be glad you did.
Peace
GTT
-- Edited by GoingToTry on Monday 3rd of February 2014 11:50:59 AM
Anything "death related" I cannot handle in relation to that quotation as I feel that is a sad, perhaps morbid form of thinking, so that was what I was trying to get across in my posting, as well. When I went back and read what I wrote I thought, OMG, does it sound like I know a bunch of murderers?
Expiration is from the word 'expire' ... ... ... to expire is to 'die' or become un-useful or unuseable ... ... ... ... no matter how you look at it ... whether or not it is in reference to meat, produce, a relationship, or person ... ... ... dead is 'dead' ... (LOL ... I'm just trying to expand your 'thinking' process here, nothing more ... )
I think PC's post was great ... it shows that he's experienced a lot of growth and progress ... as have you !!!
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I know, I know....just I hate thinking of the "d" word unless it is meat or produce, and even that makes me sad when I find something pushed back in the fridge which I have neglected to use before the expir. date.
Pinkchip's post was great.
(You guys ought to know by now that I have a very dry sense of humor. I guess it is time to take up another hobby instead of trying to be my dad on here...he was a lot funnier and people actually got his jokes. I just have been down so much in my life and it feels good to laugh and I am trying to make others laugh instead of being sad.)
LMAO BTY, ... Don't try to think like a man ... It's hazardous to your health, LOL ...
The pic below is a lot like what I used to be like, 'Pre-Sobriety', that is ...
What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.
Pappy, I had written a long-winded post yesterday with fancy emoti-cons and hit the wrong button when I tried to close the emoti-con page and closed this posting pg. as well. Darn it! I was so frustrated I couldn't rewrite it (prob. better). But anyway, is that man you? You look so much younger in your other pics, if so.
I was saying in my other post that it prob. depends on who is doing the pushing, who is doing the kicking, and the size of each of the "end results". Always joking, aren't I? Think I just am determined to stay "up", no matter how stupid my jokes are. Depression almost killed me and I would rather sound crazy than be crazy and dead by drinking again.
Ha! ... No, ... the pic came with the joke ... my avatar pic is with my little dog Rose ... about 2 years ago ... with the exception of a few added wrinkles, some fewer 'pounds', I still look pretty much the same, LOL ... uh, so does Rose, LOL ... and your jokes are simply a testament that you're making progress and have only cracked the door to a new, happier, life ... keep in close touch with God and you'll continue to experience a new way of living you never dreamed of, trust me on this one ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
