As an alcoholic I completely understand all or nothing thinking. When I was in my disease, I used to obsessively plan out my drinking and using, always making sure I had the right amount of drugs on me, and I would even drink before meeting friends at the bar just so I could pretend to drink like them. In the end, my obsession consumed me and drove me into the rooms.
Once I started working the steps, I began obsessing on other things. For a while I was consumed with dying, sure I had done irreparable damage to myself during my years of using. Next I became obsessed with the fear of financial insecurity, this time convinced I had ruined my professional future. And then I got into a relationship and that obsession nearly drove me to drink. During my sixth step I realized that I had to surrender my obsessive thinking if I wanted to stay sober.
For me surrendering my obsessive thinking came down to a question of faith - did I or didn't I trust that my Higher Power would take care of me? As I began to obsess on that, my sponsor told me that faith wasn't a thought but rather an action. He suggested I begin letting go and letting God, and each time I did my life got a little better.
Today I know that obsessing isn't the answer, turning it over is.
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Copyright @ 2013 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
"During my sixth step I realized that I had to surrender my obsessive thinking if I wanted to stay sober. For me surrendering my obsessive thinking came down to a question of faith - did I or didn't I trust that my Higher Power would take care of me?"
True story! Thanks for the share. I needed to read this tonight.
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Thank you that this was here this morning, I have spent this whole year obsessisly thinking and every day that I try to give up my addiction, the obsessive thoughts get stronger and out of control, and then I use to stop my mind. I am sick of being a slave to my addictions.
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I'm tired of this crappy part of myself, I think I'll take another look and see what else there is.
gather what strength I have, wrestle with life and have fun with it.
You sound like the rest of us here Hopee ... and ...you remind me of a nurse that I once tried to help in Tenn. that simply stopped communicating with me ... I prayed that her new job, long ago, would be the up-lifting turning point for her ... who knows??? ... I still pray she's okay ...
I felt that drugs and alcohol were a 'trap' ... and like being in a jail cell, the bars grew thicker the more I drank ... the only key I ever found to break free from that cell came when I acknowledged a 'power greater than me' ... and that 'power', set me free ... Life today is something to look forward to and enjoy ... not to be endured and tolerated and down-right disgusted with ... without my surrendering to the fact that there is a God, who loves all His children, I'd have killed myself years ago if not by drink, then by a gun ... essentially, the same thing ... dead is dead ... and what a waste of a life to give up like that ... when God has so much to give us if we simply turn to Him for the love He so freely offers ... I found it WAS a choice offered me ... and thank the Lord I took Him up on it ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
