When I was sick with the flu a couple of weeks ago, I missed a week going to AA meetings. This was hard for me and there were a couple of times where I found myself thinking a glass of wine sure would be nice. I imagined uncorking the bottle, filling the glass, smelling it and tasting it and those last two senses, I could swear that I could smell and taste wine when I thought about them. It was the longest time I had gone without going to meetings, and I had been to meetings almost everyday up until that time. I found myself getting depressed, lonely and being sick, I was feeling sorry for myself (which I have done since a child whenever I was sick---I am the biggest baby). I had to remind myself of the First Step because although I was sick, I became well enough to walk the one of the nearby places to buy beer, wine, or hard liquor. I just didn't want to carry the flu bug to anyone in the meetings so I stayed home long enough to be sure. But as selfish as this may sound, if I had gotten to the point where I came really close to buying it, I told myself that I was going to have to get my butt into a meeting and those people in there were going to be on their own as far as my bug was concerned.
It is amazing to me that after months and months of sobriety, meetings, this board, reading, etc., I still am just as vulnerable to being powerless over alcohol as I was when I started AA.
That is so sweet of you, Butterfinger.... I admit I am a bit naive about the symbols used in internet lingo so I had to look up your ending to your message. At first I thought "oh, he's sending me a little heart, how sweet..." until I found that it means "ballsack"....you 13th stepping me online, Butterfinger? ....LOL
I know Butterfinger didn't mean that, I'm just messing with him....
it's funny that now I have to be even more concerned about my typos (which is obvious for all my "editing" I do on my postings...I have a bad habit of not proofing before I hit "submit"). I sure would hate to hit one of those symbols by mistake and instead of sending hugs or love their way, I end up telling them to go do something nasty to themself. :)
It is amazing to me that after months and months of sobriety, meetings, this board, reading, etc., I still am just as vulnerable to being powerless over alcohol as I was when I started AA.
We lost the power of choice in drink, and nowhere in the big book does it say that we get the power of choice back again. Instead, usually as we are working step 9, and trying to practice 10, 11 and 12 in our daily lives, we have a spiritual experience and the problem is removed. It becomes a choice we don't need to make, it is no longer relavent. I believe today I have about as much choice to drink as I used to have not to drink. It's the result of the steps.
I still have no power of choice in drink, but the new thing is I have, through God's grace, all the power I need to live happily and effectively in this world without the need to drink.
BTY after a time in recovery we can use those vivid memories to keep us sober. I also have highly contrasted memory including sound, smell and feel. I've had memory events regarding alcohol that were so vivid they impressed upon me how cunning, powerful and baffling the disease is and has been in my life. Be grateful for the tool and maybe you won't be taken down so easy. I posted recently about my subconscious reactions to reminders of alcohol which surprised me though I didn't follow thru and drink. Maybe having more time will release the possibility of it happening again and then I have lots of time practicing saying no...no thank you...no thank you I've had enough and such.
....LOL