For the past week I have been eating so much at night I can't move. I have lost weight but eating seems to be my new thing. I dont like it. I'm not drinking but I'm being a pig. Anyone deal with this. I eat until it hurts then get mad at myself then do yoga for an hour and a half. I'm exhausted trying to be healthy which is getting me in a bad mood. I don't like it. This feels like a bad place. I was on my way home from school and I drive by bars. Today I caught myself looking in thinking about the young 20 year olds that can do it all and drink.
I'm supper exhausted. Does one sleep more or should I be trying to work more of a program do more. When exhausted what should I do. I need to call my sponcer. I like her but I have a higher IQ than she does. I might not want this one. She wants to get on medication for stress. That is like zanex and she wants an anti depressant too. I have a lot of AA self help and therapy under me but I have never tried to be sober before. I don't know. I'm going to sleep. Go ahead blow this thread up. I'll be here tomorrow still sober maybe more clear. HALT I know that one.
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We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
Is it possible to work the steps and have a sponcer who might be sicker than you? Or maybe not have as much emotional health? Issues you have overcome?
-- Edited by Lizmccal on Wednesday 15th of January 2014 10:46:25 PM
__________________
We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
Hi Liz....I eat more, too. I am giving myself a break from feeling guilty over it though. Missed too many meals and substituted booze for them. Some days I went two days without eating anything. I am grateful to have an appetite. I think my body must need food and I figure after I have a year of sobriety I can worry about dieting then. That's just me. I haven't gained very much weight, fortunately. Sleep is a good thing too. I was super tired all the time up until a short while ago and now I am beginning to feel more energetic. When exhausted I try to sleep instead of fighting it.
OK...trying to get this straight....you said you have a higher IQ than your sponsor? Did you give her the Stanford-Binet test before you decided on her? Or is it because she shared with you she needs to be on anti-depressants? I was on anti-depressants for a few months and if that is the reason she isn't too bright, then I guess there are alot of dunces out there including me. Sobriety time and working the steps is my main concern. If you think your sponsor is having an issue with her sobriety, then that is reason for concern. I am sure you will have others with longer sobriety than me to respond, but I have no idea what their IQ's are. I just love 'em because they love me enough to want to help me stay sober. :)
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Thursday 16th of January 2014 12:04:30 AM
I can't vouch for my IQ....But considering at the end of my drinking...The only thing I could stomach or even hold down was alcohol....I guess I was eating a lot more when I quit. That leveled out with time. I eat pretty normally now. As far as your sponsor goes....I thinks it's critical for you to have someone you at least trust ...A good rule of thumb is...Does she have what you want? Is she living a life that seems to be in the same direction you want to go? The most important thing for me was...Had they had a spritual awakening as a result of the steps? That's what I was going for...That is the solution. I had to be pretty damn sure whoever was guiding me through this process...Had at least done it right. I didn't really care about IQ....How they handled themself in sobriety was far more important to me. I also looked for someone that knew the book....The path that I would be following. I've seen sponsors giving there sponsees all kinds of crazy stuff to do that's not even mentioned in the book....That doesn't sit well with me.
I have a two month old baby in my room and a 2 year old who enjoys waking me up every morning by physically prying my eyelids open. I'm exhausted too. And when I'm tired I eat. And when I'm bored I eat. And when I'm breathing I eat. I finally said enough is enough and started an exercise routine and I am trying to eat healthy again. It's hard. It's like my body is used to the abuse I gave it while drinking and smoking and isn't satisfied unless I'm doing something terrible to it.
Oh well, no matter how much I eat or how sloth-like I become it's not nearly as dangerous to my wellbeing as my old life. Nobody is going to lock me up for eating a family size Toblerone in one sitting :)
-- Edited by Butterfinger on Thursday 16th of January 2014 02:34:50 AM
Get a good multi vitamin with high b vitamins for now - Bill W was big on B3 niacin I believe for his 'anti-depressant' and I know he walked about 5 miles per day. Of course, he also did some not so smart stuff... just like all humans.
The IQ thing is relevant I suppose if you're sponsor doesn't actually know HOW to teach you the steps in a way that promotes you teaching it to others. The main goal as I see it - is to use your HP for guidance primarily upon completing the steps, and then learning the most by teaching this pathway to the light of the spirit to others. My IQ is pretty good, 142 if I remember - I was still an idiot when it came to solving my drinking problem and most problems in life. Having an higher IQ made it worse primarily because I could come up with really complex and intense BS to feed myself. My BEST THINKING is what got me here into AA.
In order for my disease to survive in my mind, I have to believe my own lies. The smarter I am - the more able I am to convince myself of stuff that isn't true. The main thing would be that I'm not an alcoholic. The next in line things would be any reason at all that I would ever be okay to take a drink over. This in essence is the 'mental' aspect of my disease. So now - when I think it's okay for me to drink in any way shape or form, I remember that this IS what my disease is - a mental blank spot that convinces me to believe my own lies. Something that only a spiritual experience can conquer.
So in light of this spiritual experience, I was told my main focus was to work the program, steps, read literature - give myself the best possible chance at this thing by doing what the old timers do.
When I focused attention away from this ^ in the beginning with an exercise routine, my family, jobs etc - I took away from my chance to live - and yes - after a monthish - I did drink again. When I came back after that monthish stink back out there - I focused on one thing and one thing only - sobriety. I jumped into this with both feet and trusted that I could work on all that other stuff later if I lived.
Well I did live because I started living this program. Now 2 yrs later - I'm doing way more than what I would have ever dreamed possible, and incorporating balance in every aspect of my life. I have a rich and full existence and I still take in my medicine (AA) when ever I'm feeling the need to 'relax in gratitude' for what I've been given. Give back what was freely given to me so I can keep it. I do about one meeting per week - but I live the principles of the program in every moment. It helps me with eating - sleeping - sexing - working - community activities - church - parenting - marriage - well... everything. My life is nothing like it was 2 yrs ago - but only because I did THIS spiritual FIRST.
First things first dear one.
*****90 meetings in 90 days was *it* for me. Use the board for things that are lacking in your sponsor. I also found that things I consider 'lacking' are usually just HUGE opportunities for growth. I still use people on this board as spiritual advisors - we sometimes do 'outgrow' our sponsors... and then of course - sometimes HP see's it that we remain open and willing for another one for some time. I'm in that 'time' right now. I find my way - I'm responsible for my sobriety. I know how to use the steps and my HP to guide me to spiritual mentors - many here on this board are amazing for that. Your sponsor is just a tool for you HP - and YOU are responsible to do the work. Some day potentially - you will just be a tool for someone else HP to reach them. It does work if you work it. There is always a way. No excuses left anymore :)
-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 16th of January 2014 09:31:20 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
The IQ thing is relevant I suppose if you're sponsor doesn't actually know HOW to teach you the steps in a way that promotes you teaching it to others. The main goal as I see it - is to use your HP for guidance primarily upon completing the steps, and then learning the most by teaching this pathway to the light of the spirit to others. My IQ is pretty good, 142 if I remember - I was still an idiot when it came to solving my drinking problem and most problems in life. Having an higher IQ made it worse primarily because I could come up with really complex and intense BS to feed myself. My BEST THINKING is what got me here into AA.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 16th of January 2014 09:31:20 AM
Yep. I'd be careful about judging yourself smarter than someone. No matter how smart I am, I always have something to learn from every person I encounter. Smart is relative.
I've killed off so many brain cells from my drinking and I certainly don't want to know my IQ. If I did know it I wouldn't tell anyone because I don't think that is important as to who I am as a person. It is very sad to meet some alcoholics who can barely walk and have difficulty talking although being sober for years who have physical handicaps now from alcohol damage. I love their shares and have learned from them. I don't even think of how "smart" someone is in the rooms. They are in the rooms and are sober and still alive....that is the main thing to me.
Is it possible to work the steps and have a sponcer who might be sicker than you? Or maybe not have as much emotional health? Issues you have overcome?
-- Edited by Lizmccal on Wednesday 15th of January 2014 10:46:25 PM
YES, ... it is ... a close AA friend at my home group in Atlanta had a sponsor with multiple years sober that came to his house one night with a case of beer and wanted to party ... my friend didn't drink, but let his sponsor do so in front of him til the guy passed out ... he took the full and empty beers and dumped them AND asked his now ex-sponsor to leave when he was sober enough to drive ... within a few months, his ex-sponsor died from alcohol poisoning ...
So, our being a 'stable' sponsor, in my opinion, is based on the maintenance of our 'spiritual condition' ... you need to reread Stepman's post on settling down with a good sponsor, cause if your sponsor is not like Stepman described, you need to look for another ...
As far as having a 'high I.Q.' ... I think one of the AA books sez somewhere where the 'typical' alcoholic has above average intelligence or I.Q. ... But like Tasha said, 'MY best thinking got me a seat in AA' ... ... ... (My wife started calling me 'Spock' after the Star Trek show cause I was always explaining 'logic' to her, LOL .... of course that hasn't happened for the last 30 years now, but it always amused me ...) ... and a Pilot for an airline, that shall remain nameless, and was on the national headlines for being arrested for trying to get on his 747 intoxicated, was a member of my home group, he always threw around his 'higher I.Q.' thingy ... but after a couple years, he got his humility in order and became a really 'down-to-earth' guy ...
It is my experience in this program, that having a 'higher I.Q.' is a HUGE 'Liability' ... ... ... ... ... we don't like to admit we need someone else tell us what to do to stay sober ... and that's a fact!!!!!!
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There is a saying I've heard float around AA that goes along those lines...
I've never seen anyone too dumb to get this program...But I've seen a few that were too smart to get it.
Avoiding this has become a daily meditation for me...not that I am some genius or anything like that, but I often find myself drifting off into thinking that the program can be outsmarted. When I first started going to meetings (only 35 days ago), I just figured I'd take some parts of the program and even fewer parts of the literature and just mold myself a watered-down little version of AA that would solve all of my problems. I am starting to see that self-fixer/problem-solver brain needs to quiet down for a while. I feel that I am getting more out of the program on those days when I sit in meetings thinking that I didn't know shit about shit.
Thanks for posting that quote ... a welcome addition to my daily reminder to get the heck out of my own way :)
I feel that I am getting more out of the program on those days when I sit in meetings thinking that I didn't know shit about shit.
Thanks for posting that quote ... a welcome addition to my daily reminder to get the heck out of my own way :)
I had an oldtimer...A good friend now...Tell me when I was just getting started.....You'll go a lot further in this program if when you come to these meetings...You check your ego at the door when you arrive. Sound advice.
For the past week I have been eating so much at night I can't move. I have lost weight but eating seems to be my new thing. I dont like it. I'm not drinking but I'm being a pig. Anyone deal with this. I eat until it hurts then get mad at myself then do yoga for an hour and a half. I'm exhausted trying to be healthy which is getting me in a bad mood. I don't like it. This feels like a bad place. I was on my way home from school and I drive by bars. Today I caught myself looking in thinking about the young 20 year olds that can do it all and drink.
I'm supper exhausted. Does one sleep more or should I be trying to work more of a program do more. When exhausted what should I do. I need to call my sponcer. I like her but I have a higher IQ than she does. I might not want this one. She wants to get on medication for stress. That is like zanex and she wants an anti depressant too. I have a lot of AA self help and therapy under me but I have never tried to be sober before. I don't know. I'm going to sleep. Go ahead blow this thread up. I'll be here tomorrow still sober maybe more clear. HALT I know that one.
Okay, I finally have time to respond to this like I wanted to earlier ... regarding the 'eating' and 'sleeping' topic ... I got caught off subject with the I.Q. thingy too ...
EATING ... I don't know how you drank, and I don't know about the others here, but for me, I was a very heavy drinker and the recovery for the body takes a fair amount of time depending on just how bad your habit was ... for me, my tongue had turned 'snow-white' ... the alcohol had destroyed all the taste buds, they were dead ... like you, I preferred to drink my breakfast lunch and dinner instead of eating anything, for a long time ... (total liver shut-down) ...
SO, when we get sober and get the vitamins we need to repair our body, then slowly, over the next few weeks, our taste buds regenerate ... and BAM!!!, FOOD suddenly doesn't taste like cardboard anymore, it's actually quite delicious ... and for me, I couldn't get enough of any kind of food, sweets especially ... shortly, I gained back the weight I'd lost while drinking ...
And, as has been shared already, THAT problem moderated as I gave the AA program time to be a part of my life ... you know, where you get to practicing the principles daily ...
SLEEPING ... 'wow', for me, it took about 2 to 3 months before I could lay down, tired, and sleep normal hours ... my brain seemed to want to go 90 MPH even at night, in early recovery ... and this was about the time I got to step 10, 11, & 12 I think ... so I can't say for sure whether it was my physical body being recovered or whether I was spiritually healed (mentally) ... probably a little of both ...
Hope this helps ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hello Liz.....
How are you doing now? Hope that I didn't sound like I was making light of the issues going on with you. I sometimes have a warped sense of humor. Drinking is serious and so is having a sponsor who like someone posted above, is one you can trust. I hope you are doing alright.
Love and (((((Liz))))))
I'm sick and feel like shit. She wants me to do the NA steps? I don't know I relate to AA I might get a new one. I like her but again she isn't a big book thumper and I am trying to be one or want to be one someday.
__________________
We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
That's strange...if your main problem is alcohol it seems she should take you through the BB steps to me, too.
Your enthusiasm is great about wanting to work them and I believe "strike while the iron is hot". I know that NA works steps as well, but it seems like it would be hard to go through two different programs at the same time. Did you meet her in an AA meeting?
Also, why are you sick and feel so bad? Do you think it is from frustration or you are suffering from physical ailments? You sounded so upbeat and positive with the way things are going in your life a few days ago?
(((((liz)))))
I just got over the flu and it is the sickest I have been in years. I hope you recover from it fast. I just posted that a couple of times when I had it the thought of drinking entered my mind. I hope you are getting lots of rest and eating when you feel like you are able to. (Two important things in the HALT suggestion)
