They make me very anxious and uncomfortable : not just because I don't want to talk with strangers, although that is A big thing : I am a housewife, have been for at least 4.5 years, and about 5 before that. No, it isn't just that. I can't stand the business: everyone pushed me to get a sponsor,after one meeting everyone wanted to be my sponsor, there was a lot of politics involved :voting on who would be what: I just want a little support without all that stuff.
I did not 'like' the meetings when I started going to AA either ... ... ... they made me think about who I was and where I had come from and where I was headed ... being the good alcoholic I was and looking for any frick'n excuse to drink, I stopped going and tried to stop on my own ... that didn't work either ... when I became a 'broken down' person with nowhere to go but up, I came back ... swallowed my pride and my preconceived ideas of AA and worked the program ...
Yes, there are a lot of politicking people in AA ... but mostly, they simply want the opportunity to help you ... it can seem pushy at first, but usually their hearts are in the right place ... please, please, stay 'open minded' here ... if need be, tell them to 'back-off' for a while while you get your 'bearings' ... but please keep going for a while till you see the underlying desire to help from these folks ...
Glad you're here ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Bebe - first of welcome. My hope for you is that you can find a smaller, and slower paced meeting. What you are sharing sounds typical of AA, but you experience of it all being "just too much" for someone brand neew is also not unusual. For me, I did have some of that reaction of "WTF is all this?!" but I was so desperate for help and I could not deny it was helpful...so I just rolled with it and now all the stuff you mentioned seem like positives or business as usual to me.
I do think you might feel more comfortable in a smaller meeting...maybe a women's meeting just to get aclimated. You will ideally want a sponsor but...like all of AA, it needs to be when you are ready and open to it.
P.S. - your disease also wants you to shoot down the solution and the help.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
They make me very anxious and uncomfortable : not just because I don't want to talk with strangers, although that is A big thing : I am a housewife, have been for at least 4.5 years, and about 5 before that. No, it isn't just that. I can't stand the business: everyone pushed me to get a sponsor,after one meeting everyone wanted to be my sponsor, there was a lot of politics involved :voting on who would be what: I just want a little support without all that stuff.
"'
Hopefully they read "HOW IT WORKS" at the beginning of your meeting. If they didn't, please Google "AA HOW IT WORKS" and read that document.
Everything you want to know will be on that page.
I didn't like it either but Ive DONE it for nearly 25 yrs and it works as advertised.
Hi Bebe and welcome! You described what happened to me when I started AA and I quit several times because of all of that "stuff". Which is a nicer way to put it than what I actually thought of it at the time. But every time I quit AA I started drinking again and got myself in more trouble. So this last time when I was so beaten up and broken down, I told myself that no matter what anyone said or (I thought) did to me, this is about me and "MY SOBRIETY". It is about MY survival and no one else matters--not their opinions, their well-meaning advice, their pushiness. I didn't realize at that time, as was posted above, that it was all well intentioned. My disease was trying to tell me to get upset at everything and to get out of there because it wanted another chance to destroy me. So I had to try and control these thoughts in my head like "there are too many people here and I don't like being around people at all"; "why do these people keep coming up to me and telling me what to do?"; "why can't everyone just leave me alone"; "I feel like crap and want out of here"......and many many more. I too had people coming up to me telling me I had to do this, I had to do that. Guess what? I don't have to do anything. I can choose not to listen to any of them. I can choose to drink and kill myself. It is my life. And your life is your life. What I did start doing is attending meetings every day, and tuning out people. I needed to detox and feel better and my head and body had to be clear of some of the alcohol before it could be receptive to all those well meaning people and their advice. So for the first few months I just went to meetings and listened. I tried to focus on the horror stories in the room--some similar to my own experiences. I tried to listen to the sharers and figure out who not only had a good length of time staying sober, but shared how they did it and someone I thought would make a good sponsor for me. I've been sober for 7 months and my life has changed tremendously in what is a short amount of time compared to some other people, but it was and still is a longgggg time to me when I didn't think I could go without a drink for even one day. But it is those "other people" who have helped me stay sober. Like Pappy (super wonderful person to get to know!) and some of the others on this board. I hope you stay in AA and keep coming to this board for support and love and I hope you choose to "live" and not let alcohol take control of you and use any excuse it can to rob you of your sanity and sobriety which can and will kill you if you let it. ((((((Bebe)))))
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Monday 30th of December 2013 09:56:26 AM
I am lucky to live in a city where we have several meeting home groups. I love my home group but with my car down have had to go to the one walking distance from my house. I didn't want to as I was being stuck and and it ended up that this is now my second home group.
Every place I go it seems to have a diffrent feel. If there are other places in your city try them until you find one that feels right. If this is it I would say try to stay away from the business meetings they get ugly.
This on line stuff helps me when I can't get to a meeting. Hang in there it gets better!! I used to hate meetings then just gave up and sat there with nothing in my mind clear and empty that's an God moment for me. I suddenly heard the stuff I couldn't before.
It gets better.
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We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
I started out restless, IRRITABLE and DISCONTENTED when I first was led into the rooms. I didn't like the rooms or the people in the rooms and left and went back out and stayed for a bunch of time until the promise that "it would get worse" came true and then I came back in and I hated the rooms and the people in the rooms and what they said and how they acted and still sat down, listened, learned and practiced what I could get. I was told to listen to the "similarities" between their stories and mine and that is where and when I learned I was one of them. 2/8/79 on or a bit before that date I has my last drink and got my hearing back. Some meetings I still don't like and there isn't one I do not love. I am beyond grateful to AA and the Family Groups for not treating me like I treated them. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
