Some of you who have been following my posts have known that I have moved on a temporary basis to Michigan to live with my family. I have connected with a local group, found a sponsor that has just been a God send, and for me life is good........and sober!!!
What I am struggling with is that my wife and children are over 1000 miles away...........and frankly I don't know that I want to go back anytime soon. What I was doing in Oklahoma was definitely not working. Now that I am around family and not in a single bedroom apartment, it has been sooooo much easier to keep the cravings and desires at bay. Why is that? Every morning I look in the mirror and say 'this is not me. How did this happen?' I just don't understand sometimes.........
Please keep me in your prayers as I struggle with this. My sponsor has 'ordered' me (lol) that I have to talk to him on a daily basis.......which has been good. Have never had a sponsor like this one. Again, just keep me in your prayers.
I hope you're getting able to see "your" picture more clearly cause as for me I could recognize my responsibilities easier that way. I had work to do and the fellowship helped me not to be overwhelmed by that with the steps and slogans and a sponsor that knew the journey from experience. I did a bit of "running" on my journey to this day and part of the new understanding was that if I didn't learn something new and helpful I would always be taking "me", "the problem" where ever I went. My family use to and would still "enable" the hell out of me and that was dangerous to my sobriety. Some of them would pointedly reject that I was "alcoholic" getting angry at me when I looked for support from the fellowship outside of the family of orgin. Their reactions convinced me that I was and they didn't want me to be...they wanted me to continue to drink with them and not draw attention to the "family problem"...I separated myself from them and stayed sober. Some/many of the problems with alcohol(ism) still prevail in this life. Relatives going back out including my eldest son and my brothers eldest son and many others. "I am powerless over their alcoholism". I am their relative and not their Higher Power...They know the program and/or of it and still the disease rules. I will keep you in my prayers as you do the same for us and other alcoholics. Hoping for the best for you and your family...
For me, sobriety has been time of not only relief but confusion. I was advised not to make any major changes in the first year of my sobriety. After 7 months, I am still very tired all of the time and my mind is not capable of doing much of anything except focusing on my sobriety. Maybe you can use this time alone and just enjoy sobriety, meetings and connecting with other alcoholics. I'm hanging onto the promises that good things will come once I work the steps. I am trusting that to happen and I am going to let my Higher Power guide me. I come to this board and I think in desperation I have wanted others to help me with my personal problems. (Not that you are doing that, ST, but I sure have). No one can though. Only my HP and I can figure out what is best for me and what I need to do and that is not going to happen when I want it to all of the time. But I feel it will on my HP's "watch" and not my own.
You'll definitely be in my prayers ST ... I'm sorry, but I cannot recall enough 'specifics' about your current situation and how you got to this point, so I'll reserve any comments to myself for now, and just listen ...
God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My question is...Whos taking care of your wife and kids when your in Michigan?
It could be that you have no responsibilities to worry about when youre there?
Except your own? Makes it a lot easier
We have been separated for over a year so nothing has really changed. Unfortunately, I am just a paycheck right now. Again, what I was doing in Oklahoma was not working. The really only support group I had was this board and a couple of people from my group. I am around family now which has really helped me maintain my focus and resolve to stay sober every single day. The new sponsor I have has indicated to me that at times, separation can be good to focus on your continued recovery. Thus far, he has been exactly right.............
