Hi to all, I just wanted to share what's on my mind right now. My 21 year old son is home from college for the holidays, and he sat down across the table from me the other night and started talking. He started telling me how thankful he is for how I raised him, and all the knowledge and understanding I've passed on to him as he was growing up at home. He said he loves me and he's thankful that I'm his dad. After our conversation, I had to think about the fact that this 12 Step Program is the only reason I could possibly be the kind of dad that he could feel thankful for. I can only thank God for this wonderful gift. Blessings to all, Mike D.
What a wonderful thing, Mike, to have a son who is grateful and acknowledges his gratitude to you. You are truly blessed, as he is. I know you both will have a wonderful time during his visit. It is certainly refreshing to read your post first thing this a.m., especially after hearing the shares at my meeting last night where people were complaining about and bashing their kids, mothers and other relatives who they saw over the holidays. Thank you for posting.
I am so happy for you Mike - thanks for sharing. My kids come around with this - however they are little yet. My son 7 can say some pretty meaningful things already though. I too - usually let him know that it's thanks to my program and our HP working through people in my life, ultimately for him. He gets a tickle out of that concept... that he is so loved by not just me, but a power even greater than me, is in his court.
Last night he told me 'there is no such thing as God' at bedtime. It may be the age or something... he's hearing 'there is no such things as Santa' in school a lot. Trying to wrestle with these things.
Yes I have lied to him about Santa, and the idea of God and Santa could be very similar to him yes yes.
Out of no where, I began to tell him the story of my friend who killed himself a long time ago. When I was 21. He asked how old that person was and I told him the truth, 25. He said to me "a 25 year old person would never be that stupid". Another reminder at how he admires and is focused on growing up - learning from people's every move and word.
I had always told his little eyes and fingers pointing, when he'd catch a glimpse and ask as a tinier one - that I had that star tatooed on my back because I wanted people to wish on a star when they saw it. The real story is not that. That ex of mine who killed himself had the last name star, and it was blue to signify the sadness.
So I told him I lied. He was shocked. I told him the truth as to why - and he thought I was making it up and lying some more. I went on to tell him the details of that day (in 7 year old concepts and language) and his little heart melted and he came around and out of the wrestle inside. He was back, the little boy I always knew, but was changing and struggling to grow up at times.
Some time ago I wondered if I would have considered NOT lying about Santa had I been in the program their whole life. I guess I can't answer that. Others would have been involved then too... other kids he would tell. Is it my job to ruin Santa for the whole town and his class? They each have a choice to make. He has been told there is no Santa and made the choice to believe anyway. Sometimes I get over responsible and take things too far. We are not saints in this program.
I am not a perfect parent. I came here two years ago with the goal to not yell at my children. Just for today. Many days I couldn't make it one day :(
Soon the days when on and there were strings of better days. We healed more with time and calm. Over time, I started teaching the kids the same concepts I learn in meetings. They have the right to know what I'm doing when I'm away from them all the time. I tell them it's to be better for me so I can be better for them. They come home and ask why no one at school 'gets it' or acts like this. I tell them that we are the blessed ones... but I don't know why. Incidentally, they feel no different than my husband when he comes home from work: "Why do I have to have a program and do the right thing when everyone else gets away with being awful to people". We are the lucky ones. Would you really want to live in their skin again? It's all I can think to say.
Doesn't always make it easy or perfect, but the fact that we do grow along spiritual lines... sometimes quickly... sometimes slowly... has made the process of working for it so worth it. Our family is pretty great! I'm sure yours is too. Above all I love to keep my eye on people like you with family success stories. We are a family in recovery growing up. We are watching your every move and word. It's an honor to be here following you, seeing the HP work through you to show His love for us... so we can pass that love onto another family hopefully some day. Please keep coming back!
-- Edited by justadrunk on Saturday 28th of December 2013 11:12:51 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thanks for your kind and lovely response, Tasha, and all others. As for "lying" to the kids about Santa Claus, that can eventually get pretty darned awkward as they start getting bigger and smarter, so here's how we handled it. Of course, when they were very small, we told them the old traditional story about Santa arriving on Christmas eve night to deliver special gifts -- some that came from him, and the rest of them were from us and other family members. All kids like that tradition. But, as they got a little bit bigger and could understand the concept, we started talking more about the spirit of St. Nicholas (a man of God) and how he works through people and inspires them to give special gifts on that special day out of love. And, at the same time, we talked less about an actual man who comes bringing gifts. It seemed to have worked out alright for them. I guess what we did was we delicately made the transition from the magical to the spiritual, and kept it all connected to love. Today, they still seem to appreciate the spiritual foundation of the Christmas tradition. They just love giving us a gift and watching us open it.
WOW Mike, what a great post, both of them ... especially your response to Tasha post ... sounds like a great way to transition from 'make believe' to 'spiritual' ... thanks for sharing that ...
(I have a 39 y/o son who has the mind of a 5 y/o and who still believes with all his heart in Santa ... We've kept the tradition of the 'milk 'n cookies' and the Christmas morning gifts by the fireplace and/or tree, -long stories here-, all these years ... and the excitement he gets every year getting something from Santa is "priceless" ... it can be a pack of chewing gum, it don't matter as long as he believes it from Santa ... )
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I know what you mean. My two girls are both home from college for the holidays and I'm just extremely grateful for the time we get to spend together.
I'm lucky ire then most who enter this Fellowship. Getting sober at a young age has enable me to cherish all the time I've had with my children from the night I was pulled out from my Homegroup meeting (before cellphones) for the birth of my first daughter up to now.
They anger had to see me drunk or being a complete idiot. Though I do have my moments.
And it's the same for my wife. It's all the result of my Higher Power and the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
