I hit bottom last month. Almost one month sober. First Christmas in a while I'm not Waisted. It's tough but I will get through. I had to hide and cry for a while but that's ok too. Im 25 lbs heavier than last year the one thing I had was being skinny in a heavy family it made me feel good about myself. They know I'm an alcoholic and support my recovery by not talking about it and not offering me a drink.
Im poor and didn't "make it" like my brother and sister both make over 100k a year. I'm single no kids. I was institutionalized last summer after my family saw me out of my mind. A 2 year binder didn't end well.
I feel like a piece of shit. It's ok though as long as I stay sober. Every tear is just moving this out of me. Healing I guess. There are no meetings here today only tomorrow. Small mountain town. I'll be ok.
Ive never been down like this. I've lost everything. I still have my family even if I don't love myself at least they do. I can't run from my emotions I wasn't around last year so I'm here now. It will get better. fake it till you make it for the holidays.
One good thing they are no longer making fun of me with mean jokes and doing the "just kidding" thing. For some reason being the youngest and shit rolling down hill didn't turn out so well they realize? That's good. I haven't done my 4th yet so forgive them and forgive myself just stay in the presant moment and pray.
Out of my head. I will try to stay out of my head.
Just had to reach out and tell someone.
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We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
Hey, Liz! Thanks for the post. The holidays are tough for me, as well. I have decided that I'm not ready to spend them with my family of origin, with the support of my sponsor. It can be tough to stay out of the negative spiral of anger and resentment- being aware of the need to get out of my head and reach out is crucial. I remember my Christmas last year. Man, it was a tough one! Yes, I was 7 months sober but had been fired from my job 2 days prior. I felt like the biggest piece of loser around. I reached out here and to my friends in the fellowship and I was ok. I wasn't sure of it at the time but... This too shall pass.
Thank you guys. It is tough. I read some stories at the back of the book feel better. My sister is happy with her gift I got her and her husband. A wine cork thing (Who doesn't drink an open bottle odd) it is a vacume cork to keep wine good up to a week. I got it last month before I got sober. My parents got the same thing and a few other odds and ends. I am greatful that I could get people gifts at all. I am greatful I hit my bottom. I am alone and have time. I have income and don't work while it's not much it keeps me going and I can go back to school. I don't have to be crazy because I am sober (did that last summer). I can do this.
I am so greatful for AA it's the only place I fit in. Other than the lonely hearts club at the bar and well I got 86'ed out of there so keep comming back doesn't always reply to drunks.
Thank you Col and Strummer. I left the sisters when she started pouring bloody marry's going back for dinner though.
I'm going to walk my dog's and pray.
I have angel cards and pulling them before I came up to the folks house I pulled. Healing, Forgivness and Support.
Thank you again. One month on the First. New Years eve they are doing an aa/na function I wont go to because the x boyfirend goes and he's a bad ego maniac in NA why set myself up for someone to bash me and he will. I will go to the meetings non-stop at the alano club. Then home to sleep wake up early on New Years sober and happy. I will be ok.
Thank you again.
I am not alone. I have God.
__________________
We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
Merry Christmas Liz!
Congratulations on reaching almost one month of sobriety! And tomorrow when you wake up you will actually remember today. I am a newbie too and this is the first Christmas I can remember being sober for probably over 20 years. I grew up in a small mountain town too. Moved to a bigger city and miss that small town where some of my relatives still live. There is only one AA meeting in that town though. I imagine they didn't hold an AA meeting today either. It is great that sites like this are in existence though for people to come to.
I looked and felt like heck for several months after I got sober. Try not to worry about the weight gain. You are now helping your body get better and if you were like me you may have not eaten meals when you were drinking and I think it is better to eat and be healthier than to try and lose weight when you're body is in the healing process. And I felt sick for months because of the detoxing. I just rode it out and kept telling myself to stick it out and it wouldn't last forever. It is great that you have such a supportive family and they do not try and pressure you into drinking. I felt depressed a lot more after I got sober as well but it is turning around and I have some really good days and feel so much better and happier. It will get that way with you too the longer you are sober. Since I have suffered with depression for years, stopping drinking has helped that. The holidays have been tough for years and I have tried to keep busy so I don't get down and possibly want to drink. Things will get better, Liz. You are doing great and will have down days. I think it is great that you have plans to stay busy and stay sober and you came to this board to share rather than chose to drink. That's amazing and you should feel very good about yourself because there are a lot of alcoholics out there who are depressed too and who won't get through today without feeling like they have to drink and they will. You are not alone, Liz, and there are a lot of people out there who felt like you do and some of them are posters on this board and in the early days of sobriety their postings were so heartbreaking to read. It has been a joy to me to read the ones who continue to post here and they are feeling so much better physically and emotionally and it is because they are staying sober. Keep it up!
Love and hugs,
BTY
Good to hear from you Liz! You sound like you have a healthy perspective. Just stay sober for today! That's enough. For today, that's the biggest gift you can give yourself and your family. By going to meetings and working the 12 steps that self love and respect will return with vigor. The fellowship will love you until you can love yourself. As you stay sober and change the family will have a new found respect for you. It's simply amazing and a miracle how The Progam can change us. Stay sober and work The Program and you can't screw this up. It will work in spite of yourself. I have personal experience in that area. It doesn't have to be done perfectly. It just has to be done.
Great share LizMc, ... yes, you are loved here ... and before AA, I was terrible company to myself ... my thinking was 'off the wall' ... my 'thinker' was broke ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm good today. Reading the stories in the book was a meeting away from a meeting. Every story I read or speaker I listen too reaffirms step one and two. I almost died put my family through hell and all I can think about is how big my ass is. My family saw me crazy last summer when I came here to get away from a violent drunk neighbor and ended up having to go to a mental institution because I was crazy from two years of never having a sober moment. I woke up hit the bong till 4pm then drank till I passed out.
I guess I'm still in the process of step two while trying to work step 3. What else can I do? Realize I'm insane from my alcoholism pray for sanity and give it to my Higher Power to deal with.
Thank you again for support my old friends well drinking associates didn't want me to stop. No one wants to die alone. I'm glad they stopped calling when they knew I was serious and not going to drink.
__________________
We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
Glad to see you made through another day Liz! Keeping bringing the mind to AA. The body will follow. Pray to God to keep you sober for today. Go to lots of meetings and let them know you're new. The Fellowship will take over. Get phone numbers and talk about your thoughts and feelings. You'll realize you're not unique and just one of us. Listen to those you speak with and cast away your delusional thinking. Your head is not your friend when dealing with Alcoholism. Our thinkers are really broke when we arrive in AA. Start looking for someone who has what you want- Serenity, peace, happiness, compassion etc...... Ask them to Sponsor you. I remember when I hit bottom, I made a decision(out of despair) that despite my Ego- I was going to listen to my Sponsor and take every suggest and do it. He pasted on this simple statement that I told myself over and over each day- "if you don't drink and work The Program, you can't screw this up. You will get better". Well, he didn't lie and my life got better. The Promises did materialize. Pray again just before bed- thanking God for another day sober. Fill in the gaps of your day with reading the Big Book and posting here. We're all here to help one another.
Keeping bringing the mind to AA. The body will follow. Pray to God to keep you sober for today. Go to lots of meetings and let them know you're new. The Fellowship will take over. Get phone numbers and talk about your thoughts and feelings. You'll realize you're not unique and just one of us. Listen to those you speak with and cast away your delusional thinking. Your head is not your friend when dealing with Alcoholism. Our thinkers are really broke when we arrive in AA. Start looking for someone who has what you want- Serenity, peace, happiness, compassion etc...... Ask them to Sponsor you. I remember when I hit bottom, I made a decision(out of despair) that despite my Ego- I was going to listen to my Sponsor and take every suggest and do it. He pasted on this simple statement that I told myself over and over each day- "if you don't drink and work The Program, you can't screw this up. You will get better". Well, he didn't lie and my life got better. The Promises did materialize. Pray again just before bed- thanking God for another day sober. Fill in the gaps of your day with reading the Big Book and posting here. We're all here to help one another.