I have posted several things on this board about my fears, shortcomings, hang ups, etc. I have been grateful for the responses from not only the ones with longer sobriety times than myself, but also for the newly sober ones as well. The insightfulness and experiences of others has been amazing to me. I feel blessed to have so many other alcoholics help me in my recovery, as well as read postings of those helping others with this addiction. It is wonderful that there is so much love and concern which is displayed here everyday.

Christmas is only three days away and my shopping list for family members has dwindled down to a sparse three. I will send my daughter money, as I have done for the last several years. A package I sent her filled with things her dad told me she might like was never opened, he later told me. So since then I send her a monetary gift. I have never received a thank you and although it hurt me at first, I guess what I don't expect cannot hurt me so I am used to it and since I really didn't raise her to acknowledge gifts unless it was a face to face "thank you", I dropped the ball on that. My grandmother, who lived to be almost a hundred years old, told me years ago that she stopped sending gifts to a certain relative because she never received gifts or thank you cards for the ones she sent. Although I can see what her point of view was, it bothered me for some reason. My grandmother was always a God fearing woman and frequently said the "Do unto others..." quotation. I guess I questioned if she took her own advice on that one and then again, maybe her actions had nothing to do with that at all. I admit I have been guilty of ceasing an action when I didn't get a reaction (mainly praise) for doing something kind for someone. I was hurt that my whatever it was I gave them didn't elicit some kind of wonderfully ecstatic response to me. That was/still is sometimes a shortcoming on my part I realize. But here was my Grandmother, who I thought was so perfect in so many ways, exhibit a human (and what I thought of as a ...) negative emotion. Every year when I send my daughter money for her birthday and Christmas, I play out that whole scene in my head about Grandma and what she said...."well, she didn't even send me anything and didn't send so much as a thank you note for the gift I sent her so I am not going to bother sending her one anymore." But I still do it because I want to do it, I guess, and I wouldn't feel right about myself if I don't send my daughter something for those special days. There is another expression "It is better to give than to receive" and I have often heard that when you give it should be because you want to and not because you expect anything in return.

I have been asked by two of the last people who I have managed to not drive away by my drinking, what I want for Christmas. I was hard pressed to come up with anything. I feel I have everything material I need. The only thing I really want is to stay sober. I feel like as long as I stay in AA and work the program as well as come to this board for the daily "gifts" I receive from the posters, that wish will come true....and I will hopefully be able to help other suffering alcoholics and to me, that truly is "the gift that keeps on giving".

I hope all of you have a very happy, safe and sober holiday!

Love and Hugs,

BTY