Being a people pleaser I have sometimes found myself agreeing with people who I really didn't agree with for fear that they would think bad of me if I told them how I really feel. I have always wanted others to like me. I am becoming more assertive and expressing myself better since being in AA. However, I haven't quite "gotton it" and found myself getting involved in a matter which had nothing to do with me. A recent posting on this board proved that I need to think before I type from now on. It was suggested to me not to get involved and respond to postings like that. At first, I got mad, then I was hurt at that message I received. After I received it, that comment was removed by me to prevent more problems. I decided to take a break from posting and then decided that I wouldn't post here anymore because I felt that others were allowed to say what they wanted to, and I wasn't supposed to be able to do the same. Over the last couple of days, I have realized that my ego is bigger than my brain and this isn't all about me--it is helping me to stay sober by coming here and reading others postings and posting my own thoughts, which is good (well....sometimes). However, the biggest reason I started posting on here was to help newcomers with less sober time than me so that I could feel like I am helping others and that is what I need to keep in mind and stick to it without getting involved in postings which have nothing to do with me and me trying to change others way of doing things.
I recently read this in the "Living Sober" book I have and am really going to try to adhere to it so I don't let my newly found assertiveness cause me to repeat the same mistake.....
"We have learned it pays to make a very special effort to try to understand other people, especially anyone who rubs us the wrong way. For our recovery, it is more important to understand than to be understood. This is not very difficult if we bear in mind that the other AA members, too, are trying to understand, just as we are. For that matter, we'll meet some people in AA or elsewhere who won't be exactly crazy about us, either. So all of us try to respect the rights of others to act as they choose (or must). We can then expect them to give us the same courtesy. In AA they generally do."
""Live and Let Live" chapter in "Living Sober...Some Methods AA members have used for not drinking"
pgs. 11-12
Thanks for letting me share...I'll pass.
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 18th of December 2013 12:31:04 PM
Awesome growth!! Humility....being teachable. Mahalo BTY... Thanks for the share. I can and will go with this one today again. Wakeup calls...I love em.
Was probably suggested to you to not get involved out of love for you. Not sure exactly what it said - but if it were me who would have said it, most likely it would have meant 'detach with love'. Detaching from squabbles is the most effective way to let people get to their own bottom with their issues. If we keep them from it - they may never have reason to heal the fears under the 'lashing' using the steps. Sometimes I am most useful walking away with love for myself, for them - and for the group as a whole (especially newcomers) who surely don't need to see bickering. We're here to think of others so as to also be taking very loving care of ourselves. We are powerless over more than just our addictions - we are also powerless over people places and things. The serenity prayer holds the key: We can have the courage to change the things we can:: Ourselves - our attitude around things etc.
We are all just here to work out the things we need to work out... sometimes quickly... sometime slowly :) I think you're doing great and moving along at an inspiring pace! I'm so glad you loved yourself enough to come back and continue to not give up on you! HP is hoping this for you so you may be most useful to Him. We always place principles above personalities - and even if everyone in the room hates me - I need to be willing to show up or die. Usually the 'everyone hates me' part is all in my head anyway - but it can seem very real when we're new. I remember going to meetings where I thought surely everyone didn't like me... but as it turns out - they were all just as shy as me - and ALSO - were thinking the same things.
When I walk into a dead silent room today - It would be easy to shrink into my chair as well - but I always remember that if I'm to be most useful to HP - I need to take action. Usually the alter action to what I would normally do pre-AA. So I get up out of my chair and go around the room and shake hands and introduce myself. Ask newcomers if they have a BB and if not buy them one and sign a little note of hope in it - make sure they all have phone lists - or just simply talk about weather.
I see you as a person who will literally spring into action in this way more and more as well. You do lots of service, you greet, you're a meeting maker - literally you set up meetings and tear down, you bring treats and you have even put up with those annoying guys who just come there to eat them and then leave! We have 2 of those guys TOO!
What a lesson in giving without expecting a thing in return it has been for me! You are seemingly on a path that runs very parallel to mine from what I read of you - and that gives me complete confidence in you because you're not going to let anything, or anyone stand in the way of your sobriety and God's work through you. And since I have a couple extra days on you - I can tell you - if you continue doing what you're doing - you're going to experience the promises in a way that will blow your mind! And it just keeps getting better.
Keep doing what the old timers do because hey... we got another day today - we get another chance! We should be dead! We get to be here for each other - standing proudly beside each other as equals on the front line. I for one - couldn't ask for a better recovery mate than you. Glad you came back. xxxoxoxoxoxoo
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I think it is great you came back! It is great you shared your opinion! You felt free enough to voice your disapproval of something. You posted a thread with very logical reasons why. You shared a positive piece of AA literature that means something special to you.
You pointed out a great lesson in a timely manner.
I think it was a great example of sharing on a current event in your life and on this board. To me that is a big step forward in learning and using AA principle in all of our affairs.
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"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
