Good morning to all of you! I love getting up early for quiet meditation, and I hope you won't mind if I share what I've been thinking about in these lovely and quiet hours before sunrise. When I do my daily 10th Step at the end of each day, I always hope to find that I've gotten through the day perfectly "squeaky-clean" -- with no mistakes, no errors, no foul-ups. Well...the truth is...in 25 years, that's never happened yet. Even on my best day, if I find that I didn't actually do, or say anything wrong during a particular day, I still find that I missed some opportunities to do other good things I should've rightly done. This, of course, is where I find myself bringing all my mistakes and shortfalls and imperfections to God in prayer...and, just asking for help to get better. This is naturally followed by any amends or corrections that might need to be made the next day. The truth is, I usually find myself needing to fix something I screwed up the day before. From all of this, I can only conclude that I'm not perfect. Knowing this, it would be very easy to get into burdening myself with a lot of expectations of myself. I've seen me do that in the past.
Now, there are a lot of ways I could look at all this. But, here's how I happen to view it today. It's nothing more than a point of view that seems to keep me somewhat balanced...I guess. Anyway, it works for me. It has mostly to do with...how I've come to see how God sees me.
Because God has made us perfectly human, He doesn't expect us to be perfect humans. Once in a while we may worry, or get overly-concerned about whether our daily efforts at working the Steps are adequate. I think a good number of us probably do that....to some extent. But, one of the worst things we can ever do is allow our old alcoholic perfectionism to govern our spiritual life. The main problem with perfectionism is that it does not cause perfection in a human being -- it only causes anxiety. And, in the end, it can eventually cause us to stop trying to get better because it always tells us that we're failing anyway...no matter how hard we try. Striving for progress brings progress. Striving for perfection can only bring us to a stop.
You see, we alcoholics tend to be "all-or-nothing" people. If we feel that our prayers aren't quite sincere enough, some of us can start to think we might as well stop praying. If we feel our meditation time doesn't meet our standards, we can often think we might as well stop meditating. And, if we see that we still have a few defects of character, we can start thinking our daily Tenth Step inventory is nothing more than a pointless exercise. Over the years, I've come to see that God is comfortable with our humanity. Because we're just as human as God made us, we'll never be as perfect as we'd like to be. So, we might as well relax and get comfortable with our humanity too. God is pleased with His children...even though we may not always be pleased with ourselves.
Today I know that I shouldn't expect more of me than God does. Today I know that, once I've taken my daily inventory of myself, I'm a lot better off if I let my Creator judge me. He gives MERCY. I'm not quite that good in the mercy department yet.
Thank you all for letting me share. Blessings, Mike D.
Wow! You are doing exactly what I want to be doing (started trying to do some of it but on a much smaller scale than you do on a daily basis, Mike). You sound like you are where I want to be (but have such a long way to go). I love your posting and hope that I can figure out a way to come back to it without it getting "lost" in the other postings. I want to read it not one more time, but several, to refer to as I am on this exciting journey in Soberland....Just an awesome post and also awesome about 25 years!
Definitely, thank you for sharing!
thank you Mike that is beautiful ,its kinda where I'm at right now , this program has worked on my problems ,Mental' physical and spiritual I did not think it would work for me ,,it was taking the steps , and getting to that power which I chose to call GOD , that has help ' and practice practice practice ,
Oh WOW Mike, ... This is a 'DYNAMITE' post ... absolutely great ... like BTY said, I'm striving to be where you seem to be spiritually ... I can tell you're ahead of me in the 'wisdom' department and I am most greatful that you put into words, the direction I need to head ... thanks for helping me to not take a wrong turn ... love ya man ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I loved this post. I felt like it was written just for me, which comforts me to know we are all battling the same defects. I have let perfectionism stop my progress more times than I can count. This is a good reminder for me to stay in a place of acceptance and to simply do the next right thing. The God of my understanding wants my surrender, not my perfection. Thanks, Mike. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Definetly needed sone one to say that. I have felt what you said in the 2nd to last paragraph to be true lately. When I started taking inventory, I got really low. That's not what its for and we need to be reminded of that. Its for growth and progress, not a daily list of wrongs to beat yourself up over.
