Hello i haven't done anything like this before but here goes,i left my partner today he started drinking 3pm Saturday and was still drink this afternoon 48 hrs non stop, he got abusive emotionally says in useless and i was a disaster when i was born, a unfit mother, i gave up everything up a house family to be with him and look after him. We only argue when he drinkks but it is always my fault .now i need some advice how do i get through to him drinking is the problem he doesn't known
Welcome to MIP - you're looking for the alanon board which can be found back at the main page. You can copy and paste this message there and receive answers and support :)
Best wishes xxxx
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I agree with Tasha; the Al-Anon board is a better fit, though I have to say it doesn't surprise me one bit. Every alcoholic has their own set of issues and are usually one step away from disaster, so brace yourself for the worst.
What I've learned over the past 12 years is quite simple: We can't change people, but we can change how we react to them. My suggestion: Take a time out and focus on yourself. It may be the only antidote that works. When he's ready to grow up, then we can help. But for now all we can do is pray.
My heads all over the place, i gave my all to him and its not enough, he said 3 days ago when he was sober he is no good without me he needs me by his side, so why dies he treat me this way when he is drunk, in not the enemy
Hi Desperate. The best thing you can do is get in contact with Alanon right away. It is a separate program from Alcoholics Anonymous, and was founded by the family members and spouses of the early members of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Alcoholics Anonymous is for the person who has a desire to stop drinking.
Alanon is for people in your situation, who are trying to deal with someone else in their life who has a drinking problem.
As mentioned above, there is an Alanon page here, and you should definitely check that out, but you should also look up Alanon meetings in your area and get yourself to a real face-to-face Alanon meeting right away. There are people there who have been through what you are going through and they can help you. If you have any trouble locating Alanon meetings, let us know what city you are located in or near and someone here can help you find the meetings.
I have gave up my home friends n left family to be with him now me and my daughter are homeless, iv always put his needs before mine, now we come second to alcohol
Alcohol is a drug Sweety...It makes us into someone that we really aren't..It destroys everythin in our path..and it molds us into someone we don't wish to be..
The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil.
That is from the Big Book of AA....And that's what we do. There is a solution for you...As mentioned...Look up an Alanon meeting. There is also a solution for him....But he's going to have to be ready to find that. Don't let him take you down with him.....I've done that.....It's not pretty.
His priority right now is Alcohol! When we lose the power of choice, Alcohol has won and comes before anything else. That's part of Alcoholism! It's a diesase and not a moral issue or lack of will power. Our character defects- pride, ego, self-centeredness, defiance, fear, guilt, shame etc..... feed the thinking part of the diesase and we live in a dulsional state. Is a Spiritual Malady(diesase). It goes beyond just drinking. Most of us have to hit bottom- which comes with a lot of pain(physical & emotional) until we receive the gift of desparation to be willing to try a different way of life. The most effective way to hit a bottom is when everyone removes the cushions(enabling) and allows the Alcoholic to find it on their own terms. I learned here it's not as painful if someone puts a pillow under my ass on my down. It's hard to watch, but it's effective to take care of YOU and watch from the sidelines until the Alcoholic wants to be helped. This is my personal experience. Once the enablers removed themselves from my life, I was stuck with ME. I no longer had anyone or anything else to blame but myself. My bottom came quickly after that.
Iv tried getting on there but it wont load up on my Phone appreciate all the advice people have given me, and i will keep trying thankyou all
Hi Desperate. Get on a computer and do a Google search for: Al-Anon (followed by the name of your city here), like: Al-Anon Los Angeles or: Al-Anon Miami. That will show you a list of web sites that can guide you to a list of the Al-Anon meetings near you. We are glad to help here, but the best help we can give you is to show you how to find Al-Anon.
Aloha Desperate...If you still are having trouble hooking up on the Al-Anon Board keep coming back here to share/vent until you can hook up. Some of us on this board are "doubles" members of both programs and can help you. We might do that by PM (private message) so we don't clutter the AA board and still you won't be alone with this disease. It has taken almost all of you and there are things it hasn't. Keep coming back. If you want to PM me...clik on my name and the PM page will show up and I will get an email that you've knocked. Keep trying the Al-Anon board and also get to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number for the program in your area and call as soon as you can. They will give you the places and times we get togther in your area...A chair is waiting. (((hugs)))
