The term 'dry drunk' is an important concept in the AA program. We say that first the alcoholic needs to dry out. When this is accomplished, by detox or whatever,,, we have an alcoholic with no alcohol in his or her system. But being dry, simply not drinking, is not the same as true 'sobriety' or being 'in recovery'. The stinking thinking remains. It is said that drinking is only a symptom. The reasons we drink are a big part of the disease. The behaviors and actions of the person are a big part of the problem. Many of us know alcoholics who are dry, and have been dry for many years,,, and are still misserable and unpleasant people. There are aspects of thinking and behaving that we have to watch for and be careful of,,,, because first they lead to a dry drunk, and then a full out wet drunk.
Last night I wanted oblivion. That is the stinking thinking that leads to a dry drunk... and I can accomplish that without actually drinking... I can sleep for days. I wanted the effect of drinking that loosens up the bad feelings,,,, I can do that by going on an emotional bender. But once I start taking these routes,,, instead of dealing with my realities in healthy and constructive ways in accordance with my 12 Step program,,,, then I'm on my way to a wet drunk,,, and the desire was there last night.
I had a little set back last night in the ways that I was coping with my situation,,, but thank God, and thank you all,,, I didn't slip any further,,, and got back on track this morning. For the moment I'm hanging in there. For the moment. It's 4pm and I still have to deal with all of this, and I don't want to. I'm going to just take a bit of rest,,, to handle the T part of HALT,,, and then see what the evening brings, and if me and my Higher Power can make any progress. I did write a note to the landlord.
laters,
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
You did really well in staying sober last night. As you well know, alcohol won't help but sometimes it feels like it will!
Well done for resisting the alcohol. Just the Ar** *ole landlord to sort out now!
Best of luck on that one, in similar situations I've just done a moonlight flit, but I've always been alone at those times. Maybee delay rent payment until work is done.......??? Just an idea.
Bye for now
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Sorry, but I still disagree with the Dry Drunk "syndrome". I personally think it's another cop out to dealing with life on life's terms, and accepting the fact that we are human and will have bad days just like the rest of the world........ I do not have to accept the unacceptable of another's behavior, no matter what......
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
I relate. My Father quit cold turkey and was one of the most miserable men I have know. He remained angry and hard for his long life. I, of course, would follow this example. In my "white knuckled" sobriety of ten years, I found no long term peace in my life. I turned to self destructive behavior that hurt loved ones when I was caught. I just coud not get the calm and kept drama and self pity a high priority. It became a way of life.
Then after ten years of not drinking, I wanted to drink again. My guilt and shame had finally caught up with me. I felt unnecessary. I felt miserable about me...
In a moment of inspiration I returned to AA. Meeting after meeting. Story after story. 24 hours after 24 hours. I finally got it. I was given a new way to live. I found the Design for life that would help me comprehend the word Serenity. I would know peace...
I wish I could tell you that everything is a joy ride. I can't. I wish I could say I am uneffected by others. Not so. But I can tell you that I now have a choice to live a better way. I do not have to drink anymore. It is my choice. The Promises are coming true...
I guess it's all semantics. I refer to my "isms" in kind of the same way as what you are both actually saying.
My two favorites in this Program are: "Life, on Life's terms"
and "Let Go and Let God"
I see them as both like the Ten Comandments...... They are Ideals that we strive for...... if I could actually live both on a daily basis, then I would live in some non-realistic world - just be kind of atheral - floating through life, and not have to deal with life's problems. My problem is that if I combine life's problems with my old self-centered nature, then I have a great big Problem. To me Recovery means staying diligent is looking at how I view life's problems.
Lets take my current situation, with my grieving the loss I recently experienced. Granted, it is very painful, feels like kind of a train wreck inside me.
It actually is a learning lesson in keeping this "sober" Griefing, acknowleging how much it hurts,committed to staying with the feelings, not running away, but not going over the edge emotionally, doing a lot of talking to God, and asking Him "How do I do this? Help me do this, Please!
It is like walking a tightrope for me, so whenever I cut God out of any problem, then i am in the middle of my "isms". Alcoholism, no Alcohol, just the remaining "ism" part.
I say this is just semantics, because that is what Californians use to describe what you call a Dry Drunk.
We in California refer to the Alcoholic that never uses the AA Program, and leaves God out of the equation completely, doing their recovery on a White Knuckeling, Ego Driven -Dry Drunk.
Recovery is a lot of difficult work, and sometimes we feel a time of rest in Recovery, and at other time, A lot of work is required, mostly for me it remains that surrender part, that started this whole Process in the first place.
And the work is a Blessing, difficult yes, but....No Pain......No Gain. The Blessing part comes in because I get a chance to do this work, without being Drunk. That was my Nature. And God did change that, and if He could go that, then He can change the other self-centered problems I experience and take the self-centeredness out of it, leaving just the Problem.
Gorsky talks so much about Recovery being a process of learning...How to make Balance the Goal.
Love in this little Recovery Boat, (Phil's little boat)
Thank you all, for the variety of responses and perspectives. I really appreciate that part of the AA program. In my family we were supposed to all agree,,,,, with my father. lol If we had a thought and expressed it yet that wasn't in accord with my father's way of looking at things it got put down quickly. And I developed the same kind of attitude.
hmmm.. I didn't mean that I have to put up with crap now that I don't drink. The clue last night was... that my emotions were getting hard to handle. Before recovery and even a few years after.... an adrenalin rush was a good rush for me,,,, and I would reallly go on a toot of raging and get destructive. The alcoholics in my family have tended to also be violent. So I was dry, but got into violent rages. That was the main thing I was trying not to do last night. I thought of tearing the place up,,, I thought of tearing my self up. My recovery is a lot learning how to deal with things like this more effectively and constructively,,, as many of your ideas have tried to help me do. And I have come a long way.. though I still have a long way to go. I didn't tear any thing up... I just left it. I didn't tear myself up,,,, I did go to sleep,, but got up this morning and ate and dressed and went to work. I did write an angry letter,, but tried to present my case reasonably. I was supposed to go to a church meeting tonight, and didn't... and canceled out of a gathering for tomorrow night, which is not good, and a meeting tomorrow too. Maybe I'll be up for the things tomorrow... I don't know.
But here I am,, dry, calm, typing,,, not being tooo negative. Really, thank you all.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
AMANDA__________But being dry, simply not drinking, is not the same as true 'sobriety' or being 'in recovery'. The stinking thinking remains. It is said that drinking is only a symptom. The reasons we drink are a big part of the disease. The behaviors and actions of the person are a big part of the problem. Many of us know alcoholics who are dry, and have been dry for many years,,, and are still misserable and unpleasant people. There are aspects of thinking and behaving that we have to watch for and be careful of,,,,
ROSIE______ oh you bet!!! my "ism" personality is STILL there....the screwed up perceptions are STILL things i have to work on......the crap that caused me to drink is still needing work.........my drinking was a sympton for sure....my irrational FEAR.....needing to be in CONTROL , otherwise i won't "get out of it" when stuff happens...the horrible ANGER.....yep, i drank to numb the demons that tormented me 24/7.......i am doing a gr8 progress in REprogramming my sick mind, and i think, i HOPE the worst is over...however at NO time am i EVER going to think i don't need the program......i was tooo sick for tooo long to ever feel i can make it w/out the 12steps, et al..... i have always said "change my mind-------change me---my life"......thanks for really awsome share, hugs/ rosie
It's a phrase that crops up a lot, today is the first time that I've really thought about it.
Going by the dictionary, a person is drunk or sober. one that is drunk has consumed excess alcohol. One that is sober has consumed no alcohol.
Therfore what is termed a 'dry drunk' is by definition a ex-alcoholic that has been able to reform the alcohol addiction without following the 12 steps??????
Everyone has emotions. suppressed negative emotions lead to psychological problems.
AA is a vital place for some people to express those emotions, i.e better to vent anger at a meeting than going home and kicking the cat (or worse)
I give credit to the people who have achived sobriety (not drinking) through other methods.
I also fully believe the term 'Dry drunk' has no real meaning in todays society.
bye for now
Chris
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
