Stepchild is right about that. We only have control of our own sobriety and no one else's. I am sorry you are dealing with that right now and know it is difficult. You can stay strong and not use his drinking as an excuse for you to start drinking again. And remember that a lot of alcoholics lie about their drinking. I certainly did. I know it hurts you but if you try and keep his behavior separate from your determination to stay sober that is the main thing. And congratulations on two weeks sober living and going to an AA meeting--that is awesome!!!
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Thursday 14th of November 2013 08:48:06 AM
I tried to talk to him about it but he denied it, of course. He was visibly intoxicated.
I only have a little over two weeks sober but went to my first meeting yesterday. Feel good about my end of things currently but disappointed and concerned with him... any thoughts?
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We stood at a turning point, and asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
I have a thought...There is nothing more important right now in this universe than your sobriety.....Nothing. Keep asking for His care and protection with complete abandon....And get to work on it. We can only fix ourselves with His help.....We can't fix anybody else. Might be a good topic to bring up with your sponsor today. Be good.
My husband did that to me 2 weeks ago. In fact he was so intoxicated he couldn't even walk on his own. I did not say anything to him that night because I knew it was useless. When I got the courage up I told him I could not live like this and that I was looking into finding a place on my own. He has a better paying job then I do so I always felt that I could not aford to leave, but being sober I realized I could make it on my own. I would not have as much stuff but I could live.
I told him I was working so hard on being sober I could not deal with him doing that to me. We had some very tense days after that but finally he got that I was going to live my life sober with or without him and he could either get it together or get out. Since that night he has been trying very hard to get things back on track.
I could never talk to him when I was drinking but now I have a new self confidence. I know it's not easy because I lived too long dealing with our problems and drinking to hide from them.
Good luck and hang in ther congrats on 2 weeks sober.
Did you make a choice and hen tell him he has to get sober too? That hardly works because you are forcing a new lifestyle on someone else out of the blue. I would not expect full compliance because you want him to do what you are doing. Work on yourself and if you need to get away just do that. You will find that you can only control your actions and not others. Good luck.
Hi Brandi, Stepchild is absolutely correct. I hope you'll listen carefully to what he's telling you. If you focus on your husband and his drinking you'll never be able to stop drinking yourself. Direct your attention only on what you need to do to get well. That's the only thing you have control of. Keep attending meetings and get someone to help you get started on the Steps, A.S.A.P. Good luck and many blessings, Mike D.
As a husband who has been known to come home drunk myself on occasion I can say that it always makes me feel very sick and ashamed. Since he tries to deny it when confronted maybe your husband is a little like me? Maybe he wants to be better and hates himself for failing. My wife doesn't drink and is very tough yet loving with me about my problem with it. She's the reason I keep fighting to stop. Without her I would've given up a long time ago. Hopefully you can be that ray of hope for your husband as he sees you transform yourself through the program.
I tried to talk to him about it but he denied it, of course. He was visibly intoxicated.
I only have a little over two weeks sober but went to my first meeting yesterday. Feel good about my end of things currently but disappointed and concerned with him... any thoughts?
You (and your husband) have begun a lifelong process of growth and change.... not too unlike watching a couple of kids go off to their first day of school.
You will have periods of disappointment and concern, faith and hope, feelings of accomplishment and deep failure. Your sponsor and the oldtimers will help you through them.
The most important thing to remember is "Show up for class promptly each day and pay attention to the lesson of the day (moment)".
If you keep coming to class (meetings) and paying attention you will learn and grow... as described in HOW IT WORKS and THE PROMISES.
Don't expect too much too soon and don't let your intermittent feelings of failure and overwhelmed defeat keep you from showing up for class the next day.
Those feelings will pass and THE PROMISES will come to pass.
Love the going to school analogy, Bob...never thought about that and I do feel like I am back in school again. Hopefully I will pass the tests that I will have to take along the way. :)
