In the denial stage we refuse to believe what has happened. We try in our mind to tell ourselves that life is as it was before our loss. We can even make believe to an extent by re enacting rituals that we used to go through with our loved one. Making an extra cup of tea for our loved one who is no longer there, rushing back to tell someone that you have met an old friend. Flashing back to times and conversations in the past as though they we here with us now. They can all be part of this stage.
2) ANGER
We get angry. The anger can manifest itself in many ways. We can blame others for our loss. We can become easily agitated having emotional outbursts. We can even become angry with ourselves. Care must be taken here not to turn this anger inwards. Release of this anger is a far better way to cope with grief in my experience.
3) BARGAINING
Bargaining can be with ourselves or if you are religious with your god. Often we will offer something to try to take away the reality of what has happened. We may try to make a deal, to have our loved one back as they were before the tragic event occured. It is only human to want thing as they were before.
4) DEPRESSION
Depression is a very likely outcome for all people that grieve for a loss. This is what I would consider the most difficult stage of the five to deal with. There can be a the feeling listlessness and tiredness. You may be bursting helplessly into tears. Feeling like there is no purpose to life any more. Feeling guilty, like everything is your own fault. You may find you feel like you are being punished. Pleasure and joy can be difficult to achieve even from things and activities which you have always gained delight. There can even be thoughts of suicide. There are many different ways in which this stage of grief can manifest itself. If you at any time in this stage feel like doing yourself any harm please do seek professional counseling. Self preservation is a must.
5) ACCEPTANCE
The final stage of grief. It is when you realize that life has to go on. You can here accept your loss. You should now be able to regain your energy and goals for the future. It may take some time to get here but you will.
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
This is what I am going through for the last two weeks or so and I am ready to share why. My childhood friend was shot in front of their children by her common law husband. He tied her to a chair then blew her brains out after the gun went off the children ran to the neighbors with the drunk behind them. The neighbors let the children in and called the police. So after finding this out I was devastated and all I could think of was to drink - just to make the pain of losing another friend go away. I tried to tell a couple of other people during this time but it all came out wrong - I ended up starting an argument with them over something completely stupid and I ended up losing them also - they will not speak to me anymore. I guess it is just as well. So during the last couple of weeks I have not only lost my best, long time, childhood friend but also two more in the process. I know I deserved it. I wanted to drink so bad that I went out and bought some beer - but I did not drink them. Something inside of me was telling me not to. So I got on the board and just read all the stuff that was going on with everyone else - some made me laugh, cry and think about what I had done. I can not change what had happened to my friend(s) but I know she is in a much better, happier and peaceful place. Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
Jeannie, I have no words to comment on your post. That is just so sad to hear... I just wanted to let you know I can relate to you urge to get a drink at a time like this, and I am so proud of you for just not drinking it! You have been so strong at a time the whole world around you was falling apart, if you can survive that, you can handle every other situation too!!
I feel real sorry for your loss, and then the kids, man ... what a terrible tragedy ...
Jeannie, I'm so sorry about your friend and her children , life is not fair... it is just awful sometimes. I wish you would have shared here sooner, sometimes just getting it out helps. You are in my thoughts and prayers . And I know that feeling of wanting to drink and I, just like Franklin I'm proud of you for not doing it. Living life on lifes terms... the good , the bad and the down right ugly and doing it sober one day at a time.
