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Post Info TOPIC: Can anyone tell me what Surrender is?


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Can anyone tell me what Surrender is?
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Hi, Ive been trying to post things on this site every now and then and be of help to others who suffer from alcoholism.  Ive attended 140 meetings in my area in the last while and I keep hearing a thing about "surrender"   I've heard people saying you need to surrender and Ive heard others saying you should never do it.  Im trying to learn as much as I can about it and I don't know exactly what it is.  From my understanding its to put everything in gods hands or whatever you see as your higher power and go from there.  Can anyone tell me the meaning of surrender and which part of the program this is?, thanks

Brian



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MIP Old Timer

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Hey closer....This is put together by one of the original 100 members of AA...He helped put the big book together....This explains it better than I've seen.


THE STEPS OF A.A. - AN INTERPRETATION
by Clarence H. Snyder, January 1972
One of the "First Hundred", "The Home Brewmeister"
Started 1st group in Cleveland, OH, May 18, 1939

Alcoholics Anonymous is not a "booze cure" or a psychological means of controlling one's excessive or obsessive drinking. A.A. is a program, a life-changing program, and, in a great part, we owe our inception as a fellowship to our origin in the Oxford Group movement during the mid 1930's.

The Oxford Group was designed as a Life Changing program - and we in A.A. have for our own uses and affiliation, modified their program, chiefly by designing our twelve step program in a manner that the alcoholic who feels he needs and wants a change from what they are experiencing, can comfortably accept and apply the program and thereby change their life.

To do so, requires certain attitudes, willingness, and acts on our parts.

We have simplified the program, in the feeling that any alcoholic with an alcohol problem can live a life free of the obsession to drink.

Our program of the twelve steps is really accepted in four distinct phases, as follows:

1) Need (admission)

2) Surrender (submission)

3) Restitution

4) Construction and Maintenance

Phase #1 - Is covered in Step 1 - "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable" - this step points out phase 1 - or our own need - there is a need for a change!

Phase #2 - Includes the 2nd through the 7th steps which constitutes the phase of submission.

Step#2 - "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

Since we could not manage our own lives, of ourselves, we found ourselves to be powerless over alcohol; we were encouraged by the power of example of someone or some others to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. In this step, we have the "proof of the pudding" before we are asked to eat it!! Others tell us of their experiences and share their deepest feelings with us and those members are alcoholics such as we are, and there they stand, sober, clean-eyed, useful, confident and with a certain radiance we envy and really want for ourselves. So, we WANT to believe it!

Of course, some persons could conceivably be a bit more startled at first by the reference to "being restored to sanity," but most of us finally conclude that in hearing of some of the experiences our new friends had during their drinking careers were anything but the actions of a rational person, and when we reflect upon our own actions and deeds prior to our own introduction to A.A., it is not difficult to recognize that we too, were pretty well out in left field also! In fact, most of us are happy in the feeling that we were not really responsible for many of our past unpleasant and embarrassing situations and frankly, this step does much to relieve our feelings of guilt and self-condemnation.

Step #3 - "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God..."

Now here is the step which separates the men from the boys (or the women from the girls) - this is the step which tells the story as to whether we are going to be in A.A., or around A.A. Yes, we can attend meetings, visit the clubs, attend the social functions, but, unless we really take step #3, we are continuing to make up our own program. Since our entire program is based upon dependence upon God and our lives are to be directed by Him!

So, here we are, making a decision which in itself is quite an accomplishment for the alcoholic, since they are one of the most indecisive creatures in society, due to their incapacity to manage their own life due to their obsession - But - to make a decision to turn our life and our will over to the care of God - this creature in the far blue yonder, whom we have little acquaintance with and probably much fear of, this is really asking very, very much of an alcoholic!

Rest assured, that if they are not ready, if they have not reached their "bottom" or extremity, and if they are not really "hurting more than they ever have," they are not about to take step #3. So - they go pretty much on their own as usual, except that they do have the advantage of better company than they had been associating with and this, in time, could really foul up any type of drinking life they may have in the future!

Another important feature enters here, in that they know now that there is a way out of their dilemma and this is bound to "work" on them as time goes on, if they have any pride at all in themselves! At this point - their biggest problem is to overcome FEAR and "Let go and let God."

Step #4 - "Made a searching and fearless Moral inventory of ourselves."

This is a step which should be taken with the assistance of a sponsor, or counselor who is well experienced in this changed life - due to the capacity of the alcoholic to find justification for about anything - a sponsor can bring up through sharing - many various moral weaknesses which need attention in their life and can smooth the way for the alcoholic to examine them in a frank fashion. The next step suggests that someone is helping with step #4 - since it reads as follows:

Step #5 - "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact NATURE of our wrongs."

We put ourselves on record and leave no options or reservations! Note that it states, NATURE of our wrongs - not the wrongs themselves! We are not required to narrate details of our many indiscretions. Many of them we don't even remember, nor are conscious of. This is not a laundry for dirty linen; this is recognition of character defects, which need elimination or adjustments!

Step #6 - "Were entirely ready to have God remove ALL these defects of character."

This step allows for no reservations. The alcoholic, being an extremist must go the whole route. We are not a bit ready, or about to be ready, but entirely ready to have God, not us, remove ALL these defects of character, (the interesting ones as well as the more damnable ones!).

Step #7 - "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

We tried to make no deal, as we did in the past when situations would overwhelm us. It was common to say - "Dear God, get me out of this mess and I will be a good boy (or girl), I will not do thus and such, etc., etc., etc., NONE OF THAT! We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. The Good Book assures us that anything we ask believing, we shall receive!

Step #8 - Begins our phase #3 - that of restitution. So now we have admission in Step #1, Submission, Steps #2 through #7. Now for the Restitution in Steps #8 and #9.

Step #8 - "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Steps 8 and 9 should also be taken with the assistance of a knowledgeable sponsor or a counselor, since in our present state of impatience with almost complete lack of judgment, we could conceivably cause much harm in executing this phase of the program.

Most of us probably have persons on that list whom we just do not want to have any contact with. The step states plainly - ALL persons we had harmed! Obviously some of these persons are not available, having passed on, or disappeared etc., so we must ask God to handle those details.

But step #9 states - "Made direct amends Whenever Possible except when to do so would injure them or others."

We cannot and should not try to clear our slate or conscience at the expense of any others. This phase is very important and it eliminates the possibility of carrying over some details into our new life that could consciously come back to haunt or harm us in our new life. We are going into a new life, and we should "Let the dead bury the dead."

Now that we have taken 9 steps!!! We have concluded 3 phases of our program. These 9 steps we have accomplished - so - FORGET THEM!!! They have required action and you have taken the action, so there is no need of repeating it! There are only two occasions when one must refer back to the first nine steps, #1 - is in the event that the person "resigns and resumes," obviously they must start all over again! The other occasion when we may refer to the first nine steps is when we are trying to explain them to a new member and helping them with them.

So, now we have our last phase, that of Construction - Steps 10 - 11 - and 12. With these steps, we construct our life. These are our living steps. We no longer must be concerned with 12 steps - ONLY 3 STEPS!! How simple, how wonderful!!

Step #10 - "Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

This step has absolutely no connection with step #4. Note, in step #4, it calls for a searching and fearless Moral inventory. This step calls for a personal inventory. This step is our daily check on ourselves. This is our check on the small and large and otherwise details of my life TODAY. My simple way of handling step 10 may help someone, since I find that it is most adequate for me, and I prefer to keep things simple and uncomplicated.

At night, after I am in bed, my day is over; I find this is one of my most important prayer times. I think about my day, what have I done, whom I have been with, what has transpired. Sometimes I find that I am not proud of something I have done today, and I owe someone an apology, I do not permit these things to go unattended. I have found that it is not the so-called "big" things which seriously affect the alcoholic in their new life, but the "little" things. They can go on and on and add up and become a real burden and eventually have drastic effects upon our new life. This is the reason for step 10, keep things "cleaned up," keep the walk swept! Maintain a good healthy attitude.

Step #11 - "Sought through Prayer and Meditation, to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

This is a great step, first, because it brings us into a prayer life. Back in step #3, we made a decision to turn our life and will over to the care of God. In step #11, we receive our orders!! Let us break this step down and discover how it is both simple and profound. We are seeking something, seeking to improve our conscious contact with God. What does that mean? To me it means He is not in the far blue yonder, beyond reach, but right here, close where I can talk to Him and listen to Him (the Bible states that He is closer than hands and feet, and that is most close!). So, I am seeking to make this contact through Prayer and Meditation. What does this mean? To me, Prayer is talking to God, and Meditation is listening to Him! The good Lord endowed us with one mouth and two ears, which should suggest something to us!! We are enjoined - "Be Still" - and that is how we should be while listening! The answers surely will come if we but listen. Now, the step tells us what to pray for.

"Only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Since we submitted ourselves and turned our will and life over to the care of God in phase #2 - now we ask for His orders and strength to carry them out. We are promised that He will never expect anything from us that He won't give us the power to execute.

Now then, do you see any place in the step thus far to suggest we pray for sobriety? Of course not, and it is absolutely unnecessary - you HAVE sobriety. Thank Him for it - but it is pointless to pray for what you already have. The 11th step states very plainly how to pray and what to pray for!!

Step #12 - We have experienced 11 steps and something has happened to us. In fact, something happened at the end of step 9!

Step 12 states very plainly - "Having had a Spiritual Experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other Alcoholics and to practice these principles in ALL of our affairs."

What is a Spiritual Experience? That is the changed life we have been referring to. That is the change that comes to a person who has turned their will over to the care of God and continues to try and improve themselves, mentally, morally and spiritually. It states that we try to carry this message (not the alcoholic) to alcoholics. We practice these principles of love and service in all our affairs. Not just in A.A. meetings and associations, at home, at business, everywhere! What a blessing this fellowship is. What a great opportunity to love and be loved. Why cheat yourself? We have the prescription, the means of getting well, staying well, growing and best of all, SERVING. Come on in, the water's fine!! Friends are wonderful, the fellowship is distinct and GOD IS GREAT!!



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MIP Old Timer

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Dr Harry Tibout a huge help and supporter of alcoholism recovery says it for me that submission coming on the conscious level says that for now I admit and agree that I am powerless over alcohol  with the reservation that there will come a day that I will safely be able to drink again while on the the subconcious level (below the thinking level) it becomes surrender and no futher consideration to ever drink again lives.  I have used this idea in my own recovery and when my mind starts considering alcohol either on its own or by my own power I return to the subconscious belief that I will not ever be able to drink alcohol a mind and mood altering chemical for any reason.   Conditioning ...practice over time...really works wonders. 

smile



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MIP Old Timer

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This is from a book called...

History of the Writing of 'Alcoholics Anonymous'

By Mitchell K.

Most, if not all of the ideas included in the Big Book were not new. Much was "borrowed" from the Bible and from Oxford Group and other spiritual books of that era. Here are more examples.

"This initial surrender, if it is thorough and honest, is met at once from God's side. When we hand over, God takes charge, and things begin to happen. A world of strain falls from us. The business of running life is off our hands. We find that we get through more work, because it is ordered better. We meet people we were afraid of, and discover that fear has gone. A habit that always beat us seems to have lost its power. Someone we could not bear appears to us in a new light, and we love them. We come through the ordeal and know that it is not in our own strength." (When Man Listens).

That does sound familiar....He adds this.

Oxford Group Activities

The Four Practical Spiritual Activities of the Oxford Group (from What Is The Oxford Group):

1. The Sharing of our sins and temptations with another Christian life given to God, and to use Sharing as Witness to help others, still unchanged, to recognize and acknowledge their sins.

2. Surrender of our life, past, present, and future, into God's keeping and direction.

3. Restitution to all whom we have wronged directly or indirectly.

4. Listening to, accepting, relying on God's Guidance and carrying it out in everything we do or say, great or small.

This is the basis of our steps. So you can see closer...Surrender is a key part of the program.....Don't believe everything you hear in meetings.

 

 



-- Edited by Stepchild on Wednesday 23rd of October 2013 07:22:37 AM

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G'day Brian , I suppose we all have our own description of things , before we got here .

My 2nd day of sobriety (in a detox , Very AA ) , day one they told us heaps . Day 2 .

A Dr & nursing staff do their rounds , got to me . asked what I had done . "Made my daily decision ,

prayed , read Big Book" . They said Rick , you have to be willing , I said "I will" . No Rick , be willing .

So I comes back with "I give up". No Rick "Give In" .

So , Brian , I learned the fine line of AA wording . Like , "We hand our will & our life to the CARE of God .

No , we don't give our life to anything or anybody .  We place it in God's Care .

The difference between - will - willpower & willing .

To "Give up" or to "Give in" .

My biggest lesson in AA . To UNlearn everything & RElearn everything , to learn living skills .

So for this alcoholic , to 'give up' to me means to me - there is No chance of winning in this situation , All IS lost .

To give in - If I give in , I let go of the outcome , I may be down , but I am Not out .I can rise out of this , get back on my feet .

So with some , "Tough Love" "Nurturing" & some good old common sense . With a bit of "Not expecting too much from AA  too soon"

I became teachable & Empowered . A Very dear friend in AA , told me to Allways be green in AA .

After 27yrs I am still learning . I Am Still Growing

 

 

 

 

 



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@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.



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Hey Closer, good to see you're still around ... It's been a long time since I seen you posting regularly ...

Surrender to me does not mean 'to give up' BUT to allow others 'in' ... (with regards to the AA program for life) ... to accept 'help' is the key thought here ... to finally come to believe one cannot do this on their own ... it takes a 'higher power' AND guidance from those who came before us ...

Surrender, also for me, means to put oneself in a position to become 'teachable' ... to become 'willing to learn' ... to drop the attitude that I know everything and can fix myself ... much like the act of becoming 'humble' ... ... ...



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Thanks all for the information, got a much better idea now.  Closer.



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MIP Old Timer

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Are you working the steps Closer?...I once heard that meeting makers make meetings...Step takers recover. I found this to be true.

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I love your Avatar Closer ... wish my wife would allow me to have a cat ... I'd love to see what my dog would think ... 'cause she'll sit or lay and watch the chipmunks, the rabbits, the squirrels, the deer and not even growl or bark or move a muscle ... but let a cat walk anywhere near her and she goes apeshit ... I've never seen a dog run sooooo fast after something ... LOL

And I know what you're think'n ... what would she do if she caught one ... well, I'd love to see that too ... LOL ... (only problem with that is I'd probably be making a trip to the Vet.) ... ... ... LOL



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MIP Old Timer

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Hello Closer,  Yes!  I certainly can tell you what surrender is, and I can tell you precisely how to do it in our Program.  Surrender is when you make a decision (at Step 3) that you're absolutely going to take the action of Step Four, and then follow that up by taking the actions of ALL the rest of the 12 Steps.  Yes, it's that simple.  Once you've done that, you will have surrendered to God.  Blessings, Mike D.



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Thanks everyone for posting this.  Stepchild, thanks for your share, Im seeing maybe more of the program is in the steps and not just making the meetings.  It is helping too, Ive been trying to practice this to the best of my ability and its changing things for the better in my life.

And yes that is my dead cat pumpkin.



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Closer wrote:

Im seeing maybe more of the program is in the steps and not just making the meetings.


Have you read the Big Book Closer?...I got sober by that book. I studied it. You know what I like about it...It didn't tell me what I have to do...People had been doing that to me all my life. The more they did...The less I listened..I was going to beat this on my own.....NOT!....It whipped me. It took everything from me and almost killed me.

No...That book simply said...This is exactly how we recovered and precisely what we did...If you thoroughly follow what we did...You can to. If you don't...Your chances are less than average. There is a solution closer....It's in the book.....It's the steps.....They didn't save my life Closer....They gave me a new life....A new freedom...How cool is that?

 



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@Jerry

Hey - I hope you are doing well today. I have been thinking of you and your family a lot since you posted about your son and nephew relapsing.

I haven't read the rest of this thread - but I read your response and closers OP skimmed it - and I think that I am doing the same as you. I just wanted to say how strange it is - that in the beginning of recovery, the thought of never drinking again was so overwhelming that I just couldn't take it - and figured it so impossible that it overcame me, and then my disease was strong and ready to over take me.

Somewhere in the step work, I suppose around the time the problem was removed - this very thought became natural and always there no matter what my other thoughts were doing or saying to me. So I know exactly what you mean here with the 2 levels - and I am astounded at the complete change all of a sudden. It's just hit me.
Thanks for the share. More IS always revealed!

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