Guilt and resentment are states of mind that destroy love and create suffering. They seem to be caused by what happened but they're not. They are caused by how you relate to what happened.
Fortunately, since you created them, you can also release them.
Guilt
When you have guilt, you reinforce the feelings of being not okay. You lose your confidence and self-respect. You feel undeserving and you hold yourself back.
The key to releasing guilt is to recognize that we all go through life doing the very best we can with the extremely limited skills and awareness that we have at the time.
Unfortunately, the awareness that we have is seldom enough. As a result we make mistakes. Sometimes we make big ones.
Making mistakes is part of the human process. This is how we learn. Every time you make a mistake you learn a little more about life. You then become wiser and more aware.
Five years from now you will be much wiser than you are today, but the wisdom you will have five years from now doesn't do you any good today. This is true because today, you don't have it.
Likewise the wisdom that you have today didn't do you any good back when you made your mistake. This is true because back then, you didn't know what you know today. You only knew what you knew.
To see this in your life, go back in time to the moment you made your mistake. Notice that at the time, you had a very particular state of mind and a very particular way of seeing life. Notice that you acted totally consistent with where you were at the moment.
If you knew then what you know today, you could have acted very differently, but you didn't. Even if you thought you knew better, you didn't know the consequences like you do today.
So here is the big question: Are you willing to forgive yourself for not knowing? Are you willing to forgive yourself for not being wiser and more aware? You might as well. If you look, you did the very best you could with where you were at the time.
Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not being wiser and more aware. Forgive yourself for acting consistent with your limited awareness and forgive yourself for the damage that you caused as a result of your not knowing.
Allow yourself to be human.
Resentment
When you have a resentment, a major part of you closes down. You become bitter and less able to express your love. You lose your aliveness and your joy for life. You put up walls of protection and you make your life more difficult.
Letting go of a resentment is not for the benefit of the other person. It's for you.
When you resent someone, you are saying very forcefully, that the other person is the problem, the cause and the fault. Not you. You forcefully blame the other person so you don't have to look at yourself.
If you looked at yourself, you would have to experience all the hurt from what happened. You would have to feel all the hurt of being not good enough, not worth loving or some other form of "not okay". To avoid this hurt, you resent.
The first step in releasing a resentment is to find this hurt. Look under the resentment and find what you really avoiding. Find the feelings of being not good enough or not worth loving that you don't want to feel. Then be willing to feel this hurt. Cry if you can.
Once you are willing to feel this hurt, the need for the resentment disappears.
The next step is to notice that the person you resent has a very particular state of mind and a very particular way of seeing life. Notice that this person has a very limited awareness and acts totally consistent with his or her limited skills and ability.
Now notice that if this person was wiser and more aware, then he or she would be able to act very differently, but the person isn't wiser and more aware. This person only has the limited awareness that he or she has.
This person is doing the very best he or she can with his or her very limited ability. Notice how much this person suffers as a result of his or her limited equipment.
Now ask yourself, Are you willing to forgive this person for not being wiser and more aware? Are you willing to forgive this person for acting consistent with his or her limited ability? Are you willing for forgive this person for the damage that was caused?
Remember that forgiveness is for you, not the other person. Forgiveness is a choice. Let go of your resentment and get on with your life.
copingwithlife.com
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
TOPIC_________When you resent someone, you are saying very forcefully, that the other person is the problem, the cause and the fault. Not you. You forcefully blame the other person so you don't have to look at yourself.
ROSIE_________when my father did what he did to me i was an innconet child....he WAS the problem!! he WAS at fault for my injuries....he IS to blame 100% for my illnesses and the things i did as a direct result of it...the bible even says "woe be unto him who CAUSES a little one to stumble"....
HOWEVER, now that i am in recovery, i am the SOLUTION.....NOW , ONLY now that i am mentally and emotionally ABLE to take responsibility for me, i can look at me NOW, when something happens between me and someone else.....i am ABLE now to take responsibilty for me.....there ARE extenuating circumstances in this post.....the think the mental and emotional injuries i suffered as a DIRECT result of being forced to relieve his evil desires, caused me to be of "diminished capacity" however doing step 4 i DID look at me, the things i did in order to stay alive...the things i did out of my irrational fear and shame.......i take FULL responsiblity for me now becuz i am able to AND i have made amends/ changes to that effect..and now as i recover i can be a HEALTHY part of a relationship..........just my take, take what works and leave the rest.......rosie
This article is regarding relationships....I should have made it a bit clearer..
I went through a bad experience..when I was nine Rosie..
I hung onto blame for a long time...
Somewhere along the line...and I dont even know--if this makes any sense..
But I had to let it go...and conclude that the other person..was very sick...likely beyond sick...maybe the words are insanely sick..
Ile never forget the experience...but I cant keep hanging on to it..
I used to blame that experience for my alcoholism..and the person..that I became..and a lot of things I did..before I got sober..even after getting sober...
I cannot do that...I must look at me...I am responsible for my thoughts and actions today..
I cannot be stuck in blame...its the easier softer way...and yersterday is gone...Going forward is the name of the game...
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
How can I move forward when I realized recently that I was being used by someone that I have know for a long time. Someone who I thought I could trust - but obviously I was totally and completely wrong. Here I am used and emotionally abused and most hurtful betrayed again. I can't deal with this crap anymore.
Jeannie
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
PHIL_______I cannot do that...I must look at me...I am responsible for my thoughts and actions today..I cannot be stuck in blame...its the easier softer way...and yesterday is gone...Going forward is the name of the game...
ROSIE_____ now i look at me....i am responsible for me TODAY......and yes, U R right.....it is a TOTAL waste of my precious time/ energy to try and analyze him or try to understand a "degenerate mind" it behooves me and i NOW, after having to first discharge the emotions, can say "ok it is time for me to GO FORWARD now" and i AM....i think of him/it less and less....and ME/ solution MORE and MORE...... u r right--- moving ahead is the name of the game--- i want to focus on me and the good---------thanks phil adn thank u for sharing a past hurt with us........ hugs/ rosie
