I've been having a pretty rough bout with my asthma for the last week. I ran short on a couple medicines and they finally came in.
Now, I'm feeling more like my old self! Hornery and ready to welcome the newcomers!
For the last week I've been reading the posts. In the condition I was in it was best to not participate much.
I'd like to speak about real freinds in AA. They are the ones who took the time to get to know me and I them. We could talk openly and frankly. We were always ready to risk, and call each other on our BS.
I would hope, that even though we are on a message board, we would be able to confront one another.
As I have learned the concept of confrontation has had a bad rap. We all risk when offered a situation of confrontation. Until I had completed the steps I was very uncomfortable with rocking the boat. It's just sometimes, it seems that we say and doing things to be appealing to others.
My deal was, I was needy. I didn't speak out for fear of rejection or because someone in the room intimidated me, with their professional knowledge or time in the program. After I completed the steps, I became a lot bolder and in time I encouraged the new people to not just accept what old time AA'ers told them. To question, study, and be ready to speak out when it didn't seem like real AA.
I am not a learned person. Hell, I slept from the 7th grade until I joined the Military at 17. ( I was on psyc. seditaves. ) I can spew the Big Book like I know what I'm talking about. Anyone whose here can obviously read.
I am here for the AA, the new folks, to stay sober and I have no problem with talking about my 5th step here. The emotions are no longer attached and if it can help the beginner I'll jump at the chance.
Also, there is a lot of good, non-AA material out there. Nothing can beat good old AA. A lot of outside influences can sure water it down, though. I understand this board is not an official AA meeting where we keep the topic related to alcoholism. It would, however, be refreshing to read more of the expriances, strengths and hopes from the AA OLD TIMERS posting here.
I choose to expose myself because my past no longer haunts me and because of that Power Greater than Myself, AA, and people like you, I am finally free to be me.
I am not pointing at any particular post or person. It just feels like that's the usual flow.
There is a lot of great AA on this board from old timers and beginners. There are helpful people that give us technical answers about viruses and other threats. I think that is a great service and I thank you.
P.S.
Please. don't reject me for this. ( Just Kidding! )
So glad to see you back, and feeling Pretty Good, are you!
I ditto you sentiments, it feel good to keep this AA stuff, Simple.
Like 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12 and then back to 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12
The Only way out of this Disease....and when you get to 4 , be sure to take it, cause the saying goes, if you don't take the 4th, you'll drink the 5th. Another one is, if you are taking a 13th step, it will guarantee starting all over with the 1st.
Enough out of me, Love, Your Sis in Recovery, Toni
Fine Chris - When a new virus comes out - I will keep it to myself just because it is not related to this program - all I was trying to do was to help people not get the virus - which if you did get the virus then you couldn't post here or anywhere else? As for the poem that I posted well - all I was doing was sharing how I was feeling at the time - isn't that part of the program - sharing???? I figure if you like me, then you like me and if you don't then that is your problem. I am just being me.
-- Edited by jeannie at 00:06, 2006-01-19
-- Edited by jeannie at 00:12, 2006-01-19
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You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
You wrote about getting to know others and them to get to know you. I have made some really lovely contacts on this forum, but I'm actually still trying to get to know myself! Every morning when I wake up, I feel so much more alive!
I accepted I am an alcoholic, I even told a few people I wanted to know. Part of my recovery is reading about the struggles people have had before me, and writing about my own struggles.
But even without actually saying it, I think all people on this forum are my friends. Most have , including you, been so nice to me when I really needed it and I just popped in here. That was probably the first step to get to know each other better! Knowing you have friends that understand what you are going through is a very nice feeling, online or face2face in AA meetings: it is all the same. It takes one to understand one.
Hi Chris, I come here everyday,but there is not a lot to post about.In our group in AA we bring up real problems and relate them to the 12 steps like how can we use a certain step to help us with our problems. I do try to work the 12 steps and traditions in all my affairs,not just relating to alcohol. Sometimes though it's good just to vent because if you do not go through the process of your feelings the program actually gets in your way to feel your feelings. O I'm not saying don't do the steps,but get the crap out first,then find a salution with the steps.
I'v talked a little about myself,but I do not like anyone making me feel bad about my past because they are relating thier past to mine and putting stuff where it does not belong.
Anyway, why "confront" a person when suggestions are a much nicer way of pointing things out? And we must remember that each one of us is in different stages of our program. I remember not to long ago reading a post by a person whom was drinking while writing this long post. I was not mean,but had a good chuckle. How many of us in our drinking days love to talk "big" when we where drunk? Just struck me as very funning thinking of myself drunk and solving the world's problems.
I wish people would post more on themselves too and talk aobut how they relate the 12 steps to thier lives being this is an AA board. I think all the post of the quotes and sayings are nice,but I do not feel I can post on them. O yah, the person who was trying to help us by warning us of the virus was well intended. I find no harm in that. Take it easy Chris and i hope your feeling better.
Glad to see you are back and feeling better. I was wondering where you disappeared to.
Anyway, I just want to say that it was your sharing of your story and how you came to AA that gave me the courage to introduce myself and share some of mine. It was like a hand outstretched to me and I took hold. Thanks to your putting yourself out there, I have found many more outstretched hands to grasp. I so needed that and will always be grateful.
I have been touched and moved by many others on this board and all kinds of posts with people putting themselves out there and being vulnerable. This is what helps me through my day and keeps me coming back. Although I am painfully aware that I need to honestly work the steps daily in every aspect of my life to have true continual recovery. There is no "one time" recovery.
Sometimes I need the soft place to fall and comfort and other times I need the serious ass-kicking and for someone to call me on my bs. Both have a place for me.
I do want to make a correction to my earlier response to this Post here, I did not communicate my thoughts accuartely. I need to do some Self correcting here.
First let me say that When I first came into AA in the late 70's, I would do the Steps like this, 1st Step, 2nd Step, and 3rd Step, when I would attempt to do the 4th step, with my Sponsor, it would bring up so much stuff in me, personal secrets I was only going to take to the grave with me, so not being able to get past attempting to do the 4th step, I was So Out of Here, and drinking again.
I would go back, in a week, maybe a month later, get a new Sponsor, and repeat the process, 1, 2, 3, 4???? Drink, go back to Drinking again, stay away from the Program for another month or so, go back and Get Another Sponsor, and KEEP REPEATING THIS PROCESS, 1,2, 3 Drink, for 10 years, that is how I did the AA Program.
When I would read All the Steps That are posted on the Walls of all AA Meetings, I would sit there and think to myself, I have to figure out a way to Stop Drinking, but I will not be able to do all these steps, they Overwhelmed me!!!!!
I never once considered doing them One at a time, that only the First Step was the one that had to be done wholehearted, and completely, the rest of them could be done a little slower, and with help, I DID not have to do them by myself, without help and guidance.
So my Post above was not a suggestion to anyone but myself really, it took 10+ years to finally see that the program only works, the way it is suggested.
And to anyone reading this, I can personally express only my own experience with the steps the way I did them turned into a decade of complete humiliation and feelings of failure.
Finally in working the Fourth Step Rigerously, A lot of the toxic stuff that finally came out, well was not half as bad as I thought it would be, there was a lot of stuff in there, where i was holding myself accountable for others actions. If it happened to me, it had to have been my fault, i am talking about childhood stuff here, then the adult stuff would reveal my own Defects. Finally glad to meet them head on, so I could finally deal with them.
And as far as the 13th step, I was related to my own experience, of attending meetings, thinking i had met someone I was attracted to, and all the meeting that followed were kind of based on whether I thought "he" would be there. Thank God, I figured out -that I was more distracted, than attracted, and figured out before any harm was done, Not to Attend any meetings where this person was, if i saw him later at a meeting somewhere else in my community, I made sure that I crossed that meeting off my schedule. That was God working in my life. CoDependent I was and later that turned in more work yet to be done.
I think if someone new is being troubled by an outside issue, then the meetings of AA are where they can talk about those problems, Example: if a person that has a DUI is talking about how friggen scared he is of a possible jail sentence, then, in my opionion, that is AA Related, and we support him/her, so he/she can get thru that crisis in his/her life, without drinking. And I believe that any life crisis, can be shared, if it means that that person needs our support, and love to get thru it without DRINKING!
The Sponsor that Finally made some Headway with me, and where I did complete the Steps was like a Real Tought Army Seargent, when I wanted to spend her time trying to get her to listen to my own personal crisis, and there were so many, (looking back, I was like a crisis "Junkie") She would always listen for about 1 minute, and then stop me and ask me to explain what my current problem had to do with the Step I was working on. (Pissed me Off!!) But I would follow her directions, because she had 21 years of experience of not picking up a Drink, and she also sponsored woman that had 1, 3 , and 5 years of Sobiety.
So my friends, I had to correct my rather "flip" earlier response to this Post and turn it into OF COURSE, (wouldn't you know) my own Expierence, Strenght and Hope.
And after a while, when I could actually feel the presence of a Loving God in my life, I knew I had to give HIM all the Credit for my Recovery, then, and today, humbly ask him for direction, and sit here humbly, doing the "When we were wrong, Promptly Admitted it, part of this Program, and I do have to say in my own life, I have to do this one A LOT. and grateful for it.
Love and Hugs to all, to the new people, and the not so new people.
Glad you are feeling better Chris. I also have the asthma problems and they have been bad lately.
This board is such a blessing in my life and I try to contribute when I can.
I would like to remind everyone to visit the Step Work board, which I must say I don't do as often as I should.But it is great, and I know I should post there. Amanada has done a great job over there.
Awhile back I mailed John with the request to have a permanent spot at the top of this board to post our stories,so we don't have to do it over and over...he said he thought it was a good idea, would see about it.
I think we are doing just what we need to be doing...I'm glad for all who are here. You keep me in the now, the today and help me stay sober.
chrisb wrote: " It would, however, be refreshing to read more of the expriances, strengths and hopes from the AA OLD TIMERS posting here"
My thoughts: I personally wish to always view myself as a "newcomer" even I am blessed enough to make it to 50 years of sobriety..... I can learn something from anyone - new and old - just by hearing them, and if they don't happen to be speaking of anything I can identify with at that particular moment, well, I put it "in the bank" because I never know when the day may come that I need to make a "withdrawal" on it........
Hugs to ya!
Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
How did I miss this thread until now? Well, a belated 'welcome back' to you, Chris,,, and I'm glad you're here sharing your perspecitives with us, and supporting us.
You're right that this board is a bit different than a meeting, or any other face2face AA activity. We know that the 'fellowship' part of the program is as important as the 'programming' part. Normally, in face2face, we have the meeting, and then the fellowship over coffee after the meeting. That's where we apply the things we learned in the meeting,, where we practice our newly learned social skills.
I'm glad to see a couple of real honest shares on this thread. I tend to be an honest person also. I like to see the 'thought for the day', and slogans and Step work posted up on here. Those are excerpts from stuff written by people who know the program as it is intended to be, and it benefits me. Some of the other stuff, from other sources, I don' t always agree with,,, but then I take what I need and leave the rest.
I don't consider myself a newbie anymore, but the thing is this. Which chapter of which book has a passage about the difference between a 'bleeding deacon' and a real 'elder statesman'? An elder knows both how the program works, and can be an example of that in a group,,, and knows that s/he still needs to work the program too. I've seen people in groups who think they got it down and now they are going to tell other people how to do their program, and they dominate without sharing themselves, or growing. The book says that time will show who is growing and who is not. So I do understand the point that we never get to the point where we've finished the program.
About 'confrontation' ,, I am one who wants to know when I have spinach in my teeth, or bad breath,,, cuz when I become aware of that then I can try to do something about it. Did you ever get home and look in the mirror and find that your fly is down? and you wonder how many people noticed that without telling you? I have. Yet, part of recovery is to learn how to do that in a loving way. There is a difference between putting someone down with a sharp fault finding,, and building someone up with constructive feedback. If there is a pile of dog doo and I don't see it, I'd like my friend to say, "watch out for the dog doo". I tell my son,,, I don't want you to do that because it is harmful and I care. If I didn't care, I wouldn't care and you could do whatever you want with whatever consequences and I wouldn't blink an eye but just go about my business. But then we are cautioned that this is a 'self' improvement program, and that is how we do our little bit of improving the world, mainly.
anyway,,, welcome back
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
