Every once in a while I like to calculate how many 24 hours I've been sober. 451. A miracle. When I look at where I was at 452 days ago, I'm amazed at where I'm at now. Not much has changed in terms of life circumstances or the external crap that I tend to gauge progress by. I think this may actually be a good thing. It helps me to put the focus elsewhere... Things like mentality, the ways in which I relate to others and the world around me, spirituality, patience, trust in my HP- these are the big ones. On my first day of sobriety, I wrote a list of my projected life. I've found that the things on that list, for the most part, have not come to fruition. That's cool, though, because I've also found that most of what is on that list is B.S. The things that sobriety has given me are not bullet points to check off. Theres no finish line, or A+. It's an evolution, a process. If you had told me this 452 days ago I would not have appreciated or understood the beauty of this. I made my last amends today to my mother. Sure, there are a few people on the list who I've not been able to contact- childhood bullies, or the guy I had a crush on in 5th grade who was mean to me Lol... But the big ones, the ones that eat at your soul, are taken care of. My mother was the most debilitating resentment I had. Note the 'had'- no longer have. That's a beautiful thing. We will never be best buddies, she will never be the woman I wanted her to be. I can now accept her as she is and move forward. Today I am grateful:)
-- Edited by Col on Monday 12th of August 2013 09:13:23 AM
I like the post and the awarenesses...I wasn't even as close as you are now in the same time however I had done work as directed by my sponsors and the fellowship. I also put myself on the list because I had many resentments for not being the person I knew I could be. That is an ongoing working amends. Complacency, Apathy, Procrastination and such are the days work often including gratitude for gratitudes sake and more. I'm sober not a saint...I grateful for progression. 451 days for me and I was still wandering around in the dark bumping into walls and furniture barking my shinks and bruising my forehead. I learned how to keep it simple first and then wallah!! remembered there were such tools and light switches. Congradulations on your work and the furition of it. You're beautiful sober....((((hugs))))
Hey Col,
As you know by now and point out eloquently, the evolution has phases, but they are all good. I would see if Pappy might consider "Role Playing" that he was your 5th grade boyfriend, so you could act that one out emotionally. Great post.
Tom
__________________
"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
