It is after midnight here, and that means I now have not had a drink for 14 days. This is my roughest day/night so far. I was thinking earlier that I was really glad I was not with anyone who might put a glass of wine in front of me, because I don't think I would have said no. Thankfully, no alcohol in the house. My bf called me tonight drunk (and lied about it), and it upset me greatly. I have a new rule that there is no alcohol allowed on my property. I have to reassess so many things. I'm not sure I am strong enough to continue in a relationship where he is still drinking (he also has a problem with alcohol and is in denial). So far, I have only told a close cousin of mine what I am going through. I plan to tell others soon...I just need to be with myself for a bit and begin to unravel my mess. I have not been to a meeting yet...I keep finding excuses of why I can't make it at the designated times, so thank you for listening :)
Greetings:
1. The no alcohol on the property rule is a wise one. It can be really easy to give in to temptation when it site right in front of you. At least to start out with, I think your decision is intuitively spot on.
2. Welcome to MIP. There are great people here and really remarkable amounts of wisdom. Please do keep coming back, regardless of what happens. I was actively drinking when I took my first steps here and now it's one of my bigger support systems.
3. Partners who drink are tough. My wife likes to drink but is not an alcoholic. She is respectful about my decision, though, at the beginning we had a lot of really hard conversations about it. I hate to say this, but no one who really loves you will want to see you in the throes or addiction. Usually the pressure and judgment is the result of their own addictions or total lack of understanding.
4. Feel free to process whatever you would like here. You'll always get a response. At my start when I was 2 steps away from picking up I would post here instead and... it really helped. I have never once woken up and regretted going to bed sober.
Best of luck and I hope we see you around. -Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
You're in the "white-knuckling" stage. Most people can't sustain that for very long. The most I ever managed was one month.
You don't have to go to a meeting until you feel ready, but you CAN start working on the 12 Steps. By practicing the steps, you'll experience a psychic change, in which your obsession for alcohol will be lifted. It's the only solution that works over the long haul.
You can start by getting free downloads of the Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and reading them.
You can't hide from alcohol the rest of your life, unless you move to the North Pole, maybe. And white-knuckling will only last so long because you haven't addressed the real problem, which is centered in your mind, not in your circumstances.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
Excellent!!!!!!!! Congrats! Good thinking on the no alcohol - and good idea on the no boyfriend who drinks!
Going to a meeting is like going to Walmart. All sorts of people there. Some old, some young, some lawyers, some unemployed, some Mom's, some daughters... etc etc.
Cool thing is - no one will ram you with their cart!
It's a good place to be for someone with the desire to stop drinking. That is the ONLY requirement.
Be prepared to have people come up to you and shake your hand or give you a hug possibly. That didn't happen to me at my first meeting, but now it happens ALL THE TIME!!!
There is a bit of getting used to the rituals and things people say and do... kind of like getting a new job. Took me about 3 months to get used to a new job, and it took me about 3 months of going to meetings as much as possible to get used to this 'new job' of recovery.
I had to make it happen. I couldn't put the kids or anything else ahead of my recovery because as soon as I did that, I would drink again. So once I put ME first - and made drinking NOT an option NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS... my life started to change so fast and so wonderfully... that now I come for the sheer joy of being here.
My wish for you is that you will pick up a BB and read it and re read the promises section and know that they are true : ) Congrats again!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Glad you're here moondreamer ... you're going through what each and every one of us have gone through before ... it's tough, but doable ... Congrats on 14 days ... Q is right, this is certainly the 'white-knuckle' stage ... and I 'HIGHLY' suggest getting to a meeting ... there, you will find others 'just like you' that have been sober for a while ...they will gladly help you through this period ...
You have made a good start on the beginning of your new 'sober journey' ... don't stop now ... nurture it like you would a 'newborn' baby ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I absolutely had to end a relationship with another alcoholic to get sober. It was hard as we'd been together 7 years at the time. There was just no way I was gonna stay sober in that relationship. Congrats on 2 weeks. I'm not telling you what to do either. This is just what I had to do.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Dreamer...sooo strong...sooo committed to yourself and your sobriety how different is that. You've drawn up the boundaries and are holding fast...brings back memories for me. My then wife was alcoholic/addict and chasing my drinking and then? I was done like you are now and then an early program fellow told me I was going to have to get away from all things alcohol and my world went empty of people except for those coming in from meeting with encouragment for this newbie as I was then. I worked and lived the program one day at a time so focused that I didn't receive a sobriety chip until my 16th year of sobriety and then I was surprised that I was being given one. Crazy thing about that morning was that my head and the alcoholic that lived inside of me both yelled "Great!! you're healed and you can go now". By the grace of God and two newcomers in the room I sat back down and never entertained the thought again. The MIP family walks this one with you...you are not alone by any shape or feeling. Get that Big Book and get a meeting you can call home and then a sponsor and then and then....(((((hugs)))))
we have a lot in common. i'm divorced and almost got remarried to an alcoholic (high-functioning maintenance drinker) - i didn't know until over 3 years into the relationship that he even drank! i tried for another year to make it work - i thought i'd be fine. but i wasn't. it was a matter of time until i started drinking with him and forfeited 4+ years of sobriety. now i'm starting over, it's day 5 today. i'm not suggesting you end your relationship, but i had to end mine. for the sake of my kids, my sanity, and every other good, loving thing in my life. when i got sober for real the first time, i went to meetings 3-5 times a week and that's my plan now too. it's the only way for me. all the best to you.
