I think you're right where you need to be ... and I also think your sponsor and you reading together out of the Big Book is a great way to start you off ... you'll not be reading before a crowd of people, just you and your sponsor ... and for most, this helps 'absorb' the message that's coming from the book ... and the reason some of us, that sponsor others, do this is because we have asked our sponsees to read certain sections of the book before, and found that they find excuses not to read sometimes ... so when we do it together, then we KNOW you are exposed to the vital information that will save your life if you'll follow a few simple suggestions ...
So ... don't let this sponsor's method bother you ... the task here is to learn the 'life saving' info presented in the BB ...
As far as calling your sponsor daily, I too, have my sponsees call me everyday for the first 30 days and ask they call me at least twice a week for the next couple months ... Do I always answer the phone??? ... no ... I have a life too, and that includes other sponsees and a family ... I'm not always in a position to answer ... do I return all calls missed?, absolutely, at the earliest convenience I can ... The point here is to get you in the habit of 'MAKING THE CALL' ... then if you ever get 'squirrelly' and you are experiencing the call of the bottle, then it's easier to call someone BEFORE you take that first drink ... and you should have a LIST OF NUMBERS of other women (I think you're a woman, right?) that are in the program that you can call in case your sponsor can't answer your call for help ... ALWAYS HAVE A 'BACKUP PLAN' ... ... ... ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
P.S. you will likely find a couple lady's here that will PM you their phone number if you prefer to have a little more of a 'private' buffer between you and the person you're talking to ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 4th of August 2013 10:27:33 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I had a nice lady offer to be my sponsor. We have a meeting set up on Tuesday to meet at a coffee shop because she said she didn't know where else to meet and she was open about her sobriety. She wanted to come to my place, but the place is a wreak and since I share it with someone else, there is only a path to walk through with all of our things. So she suggested the coffee shop and said that I would be reading out of the Big Book, and then she would read some out of the Big Book. I have never been comfortable reading in front of other people and have politely declined at the couple of meetings I was asked to read and when I did read at a Step Meeting, I was so nervous, I got the words all messed up and sat through the rest of the meeting dwelling on my embarrassment rather than focusing on others sharing. Well, I am even more scared--actually terrified--about reading in a public place and am dreading Tuesday's meeting with her. Additionally, when she agreed to be my sponsor she told me to call her everyday. The first day, I called her in the early afternoon. She didn't call until the next day. Two days later (which was yesterday) I called her and she didn't call back, so I am getting a bit concerned that we aren't a good match. Being new to all of this sponsoring thing, I don't know what to expect and am hoping someone can tell me if I am being too much a worry-wort over the reading as well as the calling "issues". I guess being an alcoholic, as well as having other character flaws, which hopefully doing the steps and admitting to them when I go over the steps in this program will help me overcome them, and maybe I am having that "stinking thinking" which I have heard other alcoholics talk about. I just want to be successful in AA. Thanks for your help and patience, as I have had other postings on here and feel like I am starting to sound neurotic by now, which I very well might be.
Thanks so much for your response and I appreciate (again...) your time that you took in doing so. I will try to let me "ego" or whatever it is not get the better of me. Just was worried that if I got too embarrassed at the coffee place that I would use that as yet another excuse to drink again to try and make me feel relief from it. And thank you also for letting me know about the ladies on here who share their phone numbers (yes, I am a female, although calling myself a "lady" at this point is stretching it a bit :) Perhaps in time, though.
(yes, I am a female, although calling myself a "lady" at this point is stretching it a bit :) Perhaps in time, though.
LMAO bty, ... that caught me 'off guard' ... Right now, no matter what you do, or are going through, don't drink ... drinking has never solved any of our problems, it only creates more, or at the least, makes them worse ...
Oh, ... you'll begin to slowly get in fit spiritual condition as long as you keep going to meetings and don't drink ... THEN, you'll start feeling more like a lady a little bit each day ... to begin with it's very simple, just don't drink 'Today' ... I know you can go ONE day without drinking, you've proved that already!!!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Almost all of my early sponsorship gave me the warning to "remember where we all come from". I took that open mindedly and then got the next caveat "find and use what ever you can to gain and maintain your sobriety". Bless them all. Some of my sponsorship passed on and some of them went on to other things and still I keep in mind both alerts to where I can say..."I understand". The ones that will hang with you and participate fully until you can walk on your own are the ones to hold on to early on. I learned that sponsorship is a negotiation and negotiation was a part of my drinking manipulation and still used the right way a recovery tool. I learned to ask "what is it that you can do with me and how often and how long will you do it". For me sponsorship is fair, honest and just in give and take. I had a promise from a sponsee to be somewhere at a certain time this morning so we would get to the meeting at the same time in the same car; (mine). He wasn't there...again...my message to him was a negotiation...he needs to arrive at a workable solution about his recovery. He isn't my job and like me he comes with strengths and weaknesses...We share both and grow thru it.
Your questions are honest...try negotiating the relationship. Just for today...Just for me. ((((hugs))))
I'm so glad you're asking questions and getting help. What a great step in the right direction. I was telling a friend, that sometimes it reminds me of walking into that freezing cold water... inching in ever slower as you get to that CRUCIAL moment around the belly when it really seems real... and the rest starts to look harder.
I have sometimes gone back out of the water. Other times I just dunk my head really fast on the count of 3. Usually with a huge smile on my face, or a look of horror if I'm not putting on a happy face for anyone, and I'm just alone.
Here at MIP - we can't see you. I'm sure this all looks and feels overwhelming and confusing. You are safe here, to take off the happy face and just let us talk to you while you wade in the water a while and get used to it.
Please keep coming back and talking - don't let your disease tell you that it's okay to back out for ANY reason EVER. There is only ONE thing that makes you drink: The disease of alcoholism. All of those things that you think you're drinking over - it's just your disease tricking you into what it needs you to believe to live.
But we are here for you at MIP - and the rooms that have wooden doors are filled with people - MANY millIONS of people who are going to stay with you through this. You never ever have to do it alone.
You do need a sponsor, the BB, the fellowship, the meetings, the willingness, the serenity prayer, a HP of sorts BUT you don't need it ALL today.
Today, you can see what happens when you don't drink. Be willing to make some mistakes and learn from them. Those of us who have been here for a little bit - or a longer bit - have really only been willing to try, try, try again. Practice, listen, watch, fumble, fall, make more mistakes... see what there is to learn from them... look for the lessons... or wait around if we don't see any right now. Maybe they will come? You never know when, but you never get to know at all if you drink.
The promises will materialize if you work for them. Always. Not sometimes or most of the time. Always.
Today - we are your back up sponsors. You'll be okay. Give your sponsor a little time to prove she has something you want. Maybe you'll find out that she doesn't really have much more to show you other than how to NOT be a sponsor. Whatever the lesson is for you at this time... just remember... it's the one you need. You're where you're suppose to be - as they mentioned already in this thread. We're so glad you're here. Keep coming back!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
BTY, I will also comment that you sound like you are right where you are supposed to be. Not unusual for sponsors to not call you back right away. Sometimes they may be waiting for you to say "call me back." Otherwise you should still call daily cuz it's a good practice jus to keep reaching out and be accountable. As far as reading in public..well..much of recovery will be about doing some things out of your comfort zone. Repetition will ease your anxiety. What if everyone said they couldn't share at meetings cuz of fears of public speaking? No sharing and no speaker meetings. Try not to embrace your fears and label them as permanent. Challenge yourself and grow.
FEAR also equals "face everything and recover"
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
