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Pythonpappy


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Why?
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justadrunk wrote:

I have been spending a VERY long time trying to figure out why I have this thing alcoholism.  Looking at my codependency - my adult child issues - my PTSD issues - the role postpartum depression has had on my drinking etc etc.  In doing so - I feel worse and worse.  Then as I read another point of view on 'why?' from another thread - it clicked with me:

When my life gets better, I am focusing on the solution as it is laid out in the 12 steps. "Why" is my disease working it's fingers into my mind and ripping away serenity.

This is why therapy never worked.  This is why spending a lot of time focusing on these other things makes me miserable.  When I'm in the Big book, and sticking to THIS program of recovery - I get those moments of true serenity because it's easy.  This program is simple.  I keep trying to complicate it, and stir things up for some reason.  But I'm not going to try and figure out WHY!!!!

 

*This seems to be my truth TODAY - not saying it has to be yours : ) 

 

 You reminded me of an old post I made ... here it is once again:

 

Sponsor: 1st of all, It's your thinking thats wrong.

Sponsee: How much of my thinking is wrong?

Sponsor: We always start with all of it then if theres any, any good,

well let you know.

Sponsee: You put a sign up that sez.. THINK, THINK, THINK.

Sponsor: Thats for us

Now were go'n to give you some things to do and things not to

do.. Now the things well give you not to do is go'n to

change, the things we give you to do, you're go'n to add

to   Then its go'n to happen over here.

Sponsee: Whats go'n to happen over there?

Sponsor: We don't know but it always happens!!!

Sponsee: I'm going to tell you something.  I've been listening to you

and listening to you   Now you listen to me..  I DO NOT

UNDERSTAND..

Sponsor: AND THATS IT & DONT YOU EVER FORGET IT.

Theres two things you must remember every day for the rest of

your life

1. No matter whats go'n on in your life   You Do Not

Understand.   then you'll have understanding

And when you quit trying to understand, then you can enjoy

it.

2. No matter what your situation is,.it's never them..  never

her,  never God,   its YOU that must become different

than you ever have before.

Sponsee: How do I do that?

Sponsor: Oh! You can't!

Sponsee: What the Hell you tell'n me that for???

Sponsor: That's whats go'n to happen to ya.

NOW IM GOING TO GIVE YOU THE KICKER.

This is the very one thing that got you here  But its the very

one thing that,..should it not change,..will be the very one

thing that's going to keep you from getting all the things that God

has for his children..

As long as you know that you know,.you'll never know.

But when you begin to do what we tell you not to do and to do

and begin to know that you don't know,.   then you'll begin to

know..

Sponsee: Hell, you're crazy

Sponsor: I know



-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 18th of July 2013 08:31:34 PM

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justadrunk


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I have been spending a VERY long time trying to figure out why I have this thing alcoholism.  Looking at my codependency - my adult child issues - my PTSD issues - the role postpartum depression has had on my drinking etc etc.  In doing so - I feel worse and worse.  Then as I read another point of view on 'why?' from another thread - it clicked with me:

When my life gets better, I am focusing on the solution as it is laid out in the 12 steps. "Why" is my disease working it's fingers into my mind and ripping away serenity.

This is why therapy never worked.  This is why spending a lot of time focusing on these other things makes me miserable.  When I'm in the Big book, and sticking to THIS program of recovery - I get those moments of true serenity because it's easy.  This program is simple.  I keep trying to complicate it, and stir things up for some reason.  But I'm not going to try and figure out WHY!!!!

 

*This seems to be my truth TODAY - not saying it has to be yours : )

 

 

 

 



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Q


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It's my truth as well. As to why, who can fathom the tangled mess we call human beings? Dwelling on "why" just distracts you from the solution, as you've stated so well.

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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour.  ---William James
Stepchild


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If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.

Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.

BB pgs 44 - 45

I tried everything Tasha...Therapy, shrinks, medication, threats from loved ones, you name it....Only to find out my problem was lack of Power. Thank God I found that.



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Pablomoses


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The why was never that big of a deal to me.
Grandfather died of cirrhosis and many tried to cover it up.
Grandmother was an alcoholic.
Mother an alcoholic.
Two brothers alcoholic.

I pretty much figured it ran in the family. You'd think with all that family history a smart guy like me would have never tried booze!!

Well, I tried and found out I belonged here......19 year period of drinking.......who knows when I crossed the line.....does it matter?!

The power of my God/HP and the fellowship of AA gets me through day by day.

I hope that why gives you a rest!!

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odat


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Good morning JAD

we do it to cut ourselves off from God and serenity.

we do it to make ourselves not of maximum service

We do it because we are addicted to our depression.

We do it so we can't be in the Present Moment which is the only Place where God is, right now, in the Truth.

There is nothing wrong Right Now. Absolutely nothing.

god bless you, enjoy your day. It will only be here once.



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odat


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Practice bringing yourself back to the Present Moment.

Over and over a million times if necessary.

Many times each day we say Thy Will Be Done.

Practice practice practice.

It is not easy, no one said it was. They just said the concepts are simple.

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Pythonpappy


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odat wrote:

Good morning JAD

we do it to cut ourselves off from God and serenity.

we do it to make ourselves not of maximum service

We do it because we are addicted to our depression.

We do it so we can't be in the Present Moment which is the only Place where God is, right now, in the Truth.

There is nothing wrong Right Now. Absolutely nothing.

god bless you, enjoy your day. It will only be here once.

 You've made an excellent point here odat, ... ... ... when I was active in my drinking, I seem to relish the 'poor me' pity pot thinking ... ... ... that depression kept giving me the excuse I needed to keep drinking more, and more, and more ... 

What a very SAD state of mind to be in ... nothing more than a giant 'trap' ... ... ... 



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odat


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Yes PP...I lived life sober the same way I drank.

We all do it.

It takes an enormous amount of work and A good amount of time to change the patterns.

It goes against the deeply ingrained distorted thinking that is such a part of our makeup, but not a part of who God created us to be.

I'm going to relax and take it easy today...I'm going to be good to myself so that others might benefit.

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odat


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When I finally did the program the way it was outlined, I trusted one woman. I worked with her for 2 1/2 years. I shared all of myself with her, right down to masturbation etc.

Right after my 5th step I hit a codependent crisis and was suffering... I tried to rescue a guy and ended up slandered by him all over the place. many wanted a piece of the show...my sponsor as well could not resist temptation.

She Compared herself to me to inflate her ego then started causing more harms on top of the harms I was already dealing with.

She kicked me when I was down then distanced herself From me. I ended up with no sponsor in the middle of the most horrific pain I ever experienced.

i had enormous trust issues as it was Back then...


She had a condo, a full time job, and a good nights rest...but she wanted more.

She took her inflated ego and went out and dominated some poor sot who wasn't even halfway through his amends...she got herself a boyfriend.

Overnight her hair was done, the sunglasses were on top of her head...she had oh, soich "confidence"! she looked like a regular cool chick, man...and all at the expense of her Sponsee who was working through trauma.

 

thats this disease in insane action.

After that followed gossip, crosstalk...you name it, she's done it...

i tried to tell her back then how much pain I felt over it...she saw me trying to speak up for myself...

She has never cleaned it up...that was three years ago.

I don't know how she lives with herself or faces the higher power each night of those three years...I couldn't do it for one night -- and I don't need to use anyone to get a man. 

Very shortsighted behavior indeed.

Yet she is young...maybe she'll overcome...that's the hope anyway.

You are not alone...

I understand her desperation and selfish demands...she is doing the best she can...and i hope she'll be ok.

As for me, I want true recovery and I respects myself for my willingness...I accept her, myself, and the others invloved and there are many believe me...

HP knows I got gifts...He gave them to me...no one can take your gifts and people don't give them out, He does.
i don't know. Maybe one day I'll feel like saying something a little more about this in an open way. theres always that chance I guess...I can say anything I want actually...but truthfully I feel too sorry for her to go there.



-- Edited by odat on Saturday 20th of July 2013 05:35:20 PM

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Bodyunderconstruction


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"Stir thing up for a reason " Justadrunk this is me. Trying to find a loop hole as another put it. Well as my attempt to attend the 12 noon meeting approached I realized I did not have the right reasons to go. Someone in this meeting hurt me and I was going to go just to make them uncomfortable and for them to see how much weight I lost since seeing me last ( Old sponsor....both of us need to lose weight ). Im staying home. Going to attend the 6pm meeting instead. I know this sounds petty to many of you but this was a good step for me.

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Birdie
Pythonpappy


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I used to look for reasons to not go to meetings too, Birdie ... then I learned that I was simply renting space in my head for another person to keep me away from a meeting I needed ... My sponsor taught me that to allow someone else that power over me was not healthy nor did it promote spiritual growth ... he said I need to dump that crazy thought in my head out and start practicing the principles of the program ... he said that anger, no matter how small, was poison for the alcoholic, and that I needed to address the issue ... and if I was in the wrong in any way, promptly admit it (step 10) ... He was right ... letting something like this fester only gives it power over you down the road ...

 

Love you and God Bless,

Pappy



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Fyne Spirit


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I had a similar experience in the first few weeks of sobriety. Though it knocked me round at the tme it was one of those things that later turned out to be a valuable lesson.
AA is not a mutal admiration society I was told, you are going to meet people you don't like and that do nasty things. Also, people come to AA for a variety of reasons, some actually come to recover from alcoholism, some come for other reasons.

In the incident that happened to me, it was to do with my ideas of what was "right" (which turned out to be wrong) and the instincts for sex and security. Certainly the other half took advantage, but there were many wrongs on my side too. To start with I entered that relationship with completely selfish motives.

Then I found myself blocked from meetings because of the resentment. Then I realised that if this woman got between me and AA, I was a dead man. I prayed for ages and the answer eventually came that I had to make amends for my part in it. This I did and it set me free.

She on the other hand continues her behaviour, I was just one in a long line. She is a sick woman, 30 plus years later she still has no idea anything is wrong in the way she relates to others, including her own children. There is just something missing in her emotional makeup. She has hurt lots of people and suffered as a result. Today she is sober but still disconnected. It's very sad, but there are people like that. Grave emotionl and mental disorders just about covers it.

Trust God, it's the only safe place for your dependence.

God bless,
MikeH.



-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Saturday 20th of July 2013 08:58:13 PM

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Fyne Spirit

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Fyne Spirit


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OOPS, apologies for drifting off topic.

Why am I an alcoholic.I have never really been bothered with that question because it seems the answer would not be that useful to me. But now it is known that it is genetic, you catch it at birth, it is not caused. But, I am reliably informed, there is also an environmental component which may or may not activate the gene.

So it can seem that alcohlism may be caused by an out side event when really it was there all along, just waiting to be activated. However there is also no doubt in my mind that the traumatic events many of us have experienced certinly serve to aggravate the condition and do make it worse.

God bles,
MikeH

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Fyne Spirit

Walking with curiosity.
Finn Felton


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"Why" is a word which causes all the miseries in life. Sometimes, it is better to leave the "why" and accept the things as it is. The more you thing about life the more complicated it gets. Let it be and be happy. smile



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Pythonpappy


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Welcome to MIP Finn, ... glad you found us ...

When you get a chance, start a new thread and tell us a little about yourself ...

Pappy



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