Alcoholics Anonymous
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Had a bad experience with this - Thought for the day
Post Info TOPIC: Had a bad experience with this - Thought for the day
justadrunk


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3726
Date:
Had a bad experience with this - Thought for the day
Permalink  
 

I would pick doing this in a meeting - in my experience... a message board isn't the place to practice venting.  I will keep trying this - but only in live meetings where there would likely be no feed back, and just open space to vent.  Still hurting from my last experience trying to vent - but now after reading this... I will not give up, and keep trying.  More than ever... I'm going to need to keep trying.  One bad experience doesn't mean they will all be.  I'm telling myself that about the vent session AND sharing the experiences themselves.  Also people in general feel unsafe to me right now due to our recent circumstances.  More than ever... I need to tell myself to keep trying.... give chances... practice trusting the world again in tiny baby steps.  I made a promise to myself that I will never give up on myself again.  Some days it's harder to keep that promise than others.  Most days it has been fairly easy.  Today was the first day that I thought of drinking away the pain and hurt.  Stopping my mind from thinking of the pain and hurt seemed impossible.  I tried as hard as I could - and to no avail.  It occurred to me that a nice state of oblivion would work well... I drank away PTSD for years... I remembered how good it felt to be rid of the racing uncontrollable thoughts... to feel sane. no

This time - I will believe that a HP that I do not understand can see me through just this day.  I can make it today - I know that.  Tomorrow is a big day.  There will be one more that I know of, and then the questioning will be over, the answers will be more detailed, and still... I just need to focus on this day for all that it has to offer.  I will go to my home group this morning and listen for my HP, and feel his embrace.

 

 

Sunday, July 7, 2013

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Getting It All Out

Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.

What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not so pleasant, not so perfect, and not so pretty parts of life?

We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.

Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.

Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.

Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side-the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.

We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not so together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we get put back together.

Today, I will let it all out if I need a release. From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden

 

 



__________________

Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  
cathyinaz


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:
Permalink  
 

I am from the Al-anon board and it's the perfect place to vent.

We can get upset, we can agree or disagree but in the end we take what we like the leave the rest. But like you but on the other side...I will NEVER give up on me and mine!


Let Go Let God help you through these very very trying time in your life. We care for you Tasha......let us get to know you so keep coming back.

((( hugs )))

 

PS:  And if I'm out of place I'm sorry but I feel for you and have read so many of your successes it's hard to see you hurting...



-- Edited by cathyinaz on Sunday 7th of July 2013 03:27:07 PM

__________________
Bob K


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 241
Date:
Permalink  
 

Thanks Tasha for the post and for being here and lighting the way for others who are still lost in the dark.



__________________

Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
Pythonpappy


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 12357
Date:
Permalink  
 

Tasha, ... I think the message board may just be the perfect place to vent ... see?, then I can't just walk right over and slap you up side the head if I feel you need it ... LOL ... ((((hugs))))

I think venting gives the other person an understanding of where you're coming from and why it is, that there is turmoil in one's life ... without this 'understanding', others would be at a loss to help ... you've gotten past the 'trauma' stage of the last few days, now comes the 'healing' stage ... and the way to start that is to stop 're-playing' the tape, so to speak ... and keep applying the AA basic principles ...

Each and every person is on their own journey separate and apart from everyone else ... even our children have their own journeys ... and these journeys will most certainly be met with tragedy and sickness and death at times at some point ... and the way we deal with these events can make us very sick or make us stronger so we can heal faster ... for me today, I always consult with God for understanding, if He'll allow it, and for healing and growth as a result of going through certain situations ...

Certain things have, and will happen to our children, and these things are beyond our control ... we cannot possibly protect them from every harm ... and we cannot go around feeling guilt for something that is not our fault ... I went through this when my son got hurt on a boat outing one time, he was nearly killed at 7 y/o ... I got over it, but wow, did it take a long time ...

So, you go ahead and vent or whatever ... at least you are out of my reach, so I can't bop you one!!!



Love you and God Bless,
Pappy



__________________

'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Pablomoses


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 212
Date:
Permalink  
 

Venting is such an essential part of communication for me. I believe that when people hold in resentments, and their feelings, they are poisoning their souls. Brutal honesty sometimes needs to take place. I know that we are to be careful not to hurt someone with our honesty, but, sometimes it is unavoidable.

I believe that MIP would be a perfect place to vent. I think I've vented a few times here?! I have read a few venting posts here, and they do have their place on the forum. As a fellowship, we give advice when asked. We support when people need it. We love as much as we can from an electronic keypad, from our hearts, minds and souls.

I have experienced this here and I have experienced it at AA meetings.

Thanks for updating your struggles in the last few days. Know that we are reading and waiting for you to process this experience as much as you can day by day. Hoping and praying for you to seek and find your HP, who will help you through this, as you indicated, for today.

That first drink will kill me if I take it, or it will lead me to disgrace and depravity. I don't want to go there again. My HP did not create me to throw all my blessings away. I look into my families wife/children's faces and know that for today I can thank, AA/MIP for having the respect and love that I could have lost.

I still vent today. I will most likely vent for the rest of my life. A joke about my wife's first introduction into my highly emotional Italian/Irish family was her observation, "I can't believe how you are all yelling at each other, why is everybody so mad, what happened to make everyone angry?" To which I replied, "Angry?, are you kidding me, we are just talking to each other.....you don't want to be around us when we are really angry at each other!!"
The original loud family is where I came from.
The joke about my wife's family goes like this: I walked into their house where about four of them were sitting is a room and there was no sound at all. I said to my wife, "Hey, what's going on, did someone die in your family, why so quiet?!"

At the dinner table at my house the conversations were about how each of us were feeling, good, bad, and in the middle.
At my wife's house the conversation would be about much more impersonal topics....feelings were messy to them.
Not saying it is bad either way...it is just different.

My mother-in-law has actually said to me, "You are allowed to feel joy, we were not raised that way!!" Different, but she meant it in all seriousness. I get along with her extremely well. We celebrate each others different ways!!

Opposites attract and we are having anniversary #23 in a few days.......

Long winded here, it says post quick rely.....haha----this is just to try to relate to the fellowship here.

Thanks again, justadrunk, you helped me today!!

Thanks

__________________
There but for the grace of God go I.
BLUESMAN


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 116
Date:
Permalink  
 

May today there be peace within you.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.
Let His presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance, and to bask in the sun.
It is there for each and every one of you. 

 

smilesmileRussell



__________________
Col


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 310
Date:
Permalink  
 

I love this 'thought for the day'. It directly applies to me and some issues I am having at the moment. Actually, the mentality I've kept myself in throughout my life. I stubbornly hold onto my dislike of venting, being vulnerable is my worst fear. I learned from a very young age that it was best for me to keep things to myself- to keep the traumatic experiences I was experiencing to myself. I thought this made me tough and strong. I built a pretty formidable wall around myself as a coping skill. What was once a means of survival became my worst enemy later in life. Keeping all those things in, and keeping myself locked away from the love and support of both my HP and people in my life, my soul withered. These things ate my soul away. I came to this site on my first day of sobriety. I was laying on my bathroom floor, where I would remain for the next 3 days detoxing, scared out of my mind and very alone. I came here and vented, begging for help and guidance. I continued to vent for the next year. Yes, I did regret some of it, I deleted some of it, I received some feedback that hurt or angered me. But I needed to get it out here because I was far too terrified to do so in my f2f meetings. Amongst others on this board, you were always one to listen, offer support, and helped me to learn to kinda like myself, Tasha. Vent away if and when you want to. I think it's critical for us to do so at times.

__________________
justadrunk


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 3726
Date:
Permalink  
 

haha - I must have been doing so while you were typing this... so thanks for the permission : ) It has been fun and helpful and I totally agree with what you've written. You are so loved here at MIP by me and others, and it's been special to share sobriety this past year with you.

__________________

Thanks for everything.  Peace and Love on your journey.  
Pythonpappy


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 12357
Date:
Permalink  
 

I loved your share Col, ... ... .... but I may still have to visit Wisconsin just so I can knock a little more sense into Tasha's head ... Just kidding, she's actually doing so great, she has been and is, an inspiration to me ... love you both ... ((((hugs))))



__________________

'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Had a bad experience with this - Thought for the day