I woke up this morning feeling like crap because last night I wanted a beer so bad that I actually fantasized about walking to the store, buying one, and savoring it in the bathroom in secret. It was totally absurd and unacceptable.
I got up, started reading the literature, and spent a good amount of time writing answers to one of my 12-step questionnaires. After spending almost a solid hour immersed in the literature and 12-step contemplation, I felt a renewed sense of sincere appreciation for being sober for almost six months now. One of my "exercises" consisted of writing out every embarrassing situation I have ever been in as a result of drinking. I stopped at 20 but could have kept going.
As I mentioned in my last post, I had a hell of a week with alcoholic in-laws that really threw me for a loop. I also realized this morning that I went almost two weeks without any "program" work at all - and that was to my detriment.
I started thinking about it and came to the realization that AA program work is a lot like brushing one's teeth :D Just because you do it once... or twice... or three times... or for a week... doesn't mean your teeth are clean forever. It's a constant soul maintenance that needs to be attended to with regularity. Meetings, writing, talking to the sponsor, 12-step work, literature, etc.
This is a message I wish I could give to everyone new to the program - including myself. What's amazing is that when I first started it seemed like such a big time commitment. And yet, when I think about how many hours I wasted drinking and being hung over, the program work pales in comparison.
I know all of this is probably obvious, but if there is one thing I have learned in AA it is that sometimes messages need to be repeated over and over and over and over...
Hope you're all having a good weekend and have minty-fresh souls :P
-Adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
Wow Adam, good news, brother! I was worried about you. Vigilance is critical indeed.
I think writing out all the ways alcohol got you in trouble is a great way to practice Step One - I remember doing that myself. Nobody told me to. I just figured it would be a good idea, to hammer into myself just how powerless I was over alcohol and how unmanageable my life had become.
Kudos to you man! Keep the faith.
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
so glad you made the safer choice, Adam. if i got up and running with the alcohol, i don't think i would make it back to these rooms. it's death, institutions, or jail for me.... i cannot afford to take a drink and thank God i am fine with not taking a drink today. i'll keep coming back. and lets go brush our teeth.
hugs
sheila/jj
The Spiritual Tooth Brushing analogy is unique and awesome!! I will definitely use that comparison in my head as to the one day at a time nature of my program!!
Keep up the routine, miracles will happen.
