What I've found in this program is a belief in a HP... something I never had before working the steps. That allowed me to know that whatever is going on... even and especially when I don't like it - it's part of a higher plan. That is where I find peace. I can know that I am loved and lovable through all my mistakes and all of my past and present. I get to know that this is just part of His process and that I don't actually know what's best... I just think I do - and know what I WANT.
For whatever reason, the tragedy's that have happened in my life, have been what they are to teach me the lessons that I need to know. And they get presented until I learn them. Sometimes, I wonder if God didn't take away a source of pain even greater for me. The person who I found dead was probably also going to kill me. That's what the officials said. For some reason, I didn't show up in time that night. Maybe he would have killed me later if he hadn't killed himself. Who knows? I try to think that I was saved... instead of thinking I'm a victim of seeing a horrific tragedy... I was saved from other hurt or even death.
Then I wonder WHY? Why was I saved? Why am I here?
Then a little voice trickles over to tell me "I'm not telling... that would ruin your fun!"
"Thank you" I say.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Wednesday 26th of June 2013 08:08:23 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Then I wonder WHY? Why was I saved? Why am I here?
Then a little voice trickles over to tell me "I'm not telling... that would ruin your fun!"
"Thank you" I say.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Wednesday 26th of June 2013 08:08:23 PM
I love that attitude ...
I'm sure many of us have flirted with death, I know I have ... I have often wondered why am I still here ... I don't understand why people much more 'righteous' than me have died and I haven't ... In AA I have learned to be grateful for the way things are and to accept that I have been selected by 'Him' to still be around ... My desire today is to seek knowledge of God's will for me and to pray for the power to carry that out ...
I find it a waste of my time today to try and analyze or 'understand' God's intentions ... I am just grateful for the opportunity to do good, because God has shown He had a lot of patience waiting for me to 'come around' ... I pray I won't disappoint Him ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My last drunk was what I call "mildly suicidal". That is, I was coming up with ways to do it, but fortunately someone got me to a meeting and saved my life. Another day or two, and I might have followed through on it - I was that despairing.
I've also pondered the question, "Why was I saved, when so many people die?" I don't know the answer to that, and I probably never will. The best I can do is leave it in God's hands.
-- Edited by Q on Thursday 27th of June 2013 09:40:51 AM
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The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. ---William James
I heard a speaker last night who had been hit by a train and lost both her legs prior to getting sober. She has 3 years sober now and attributes God intervening in her life through that tragedy to get her to be sober this time after a ton of rehabs and a very traumatic childhood. She does have PTSD still though (which is not surprising).
Everything I have been through was not done to me but FOR me to get me where I am today which is a pretty good place.
Thank God indeed.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I am finding there is serenity and power in staying in the place of "I don't know why."
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
God knew that I had become powerless over alcohol and He looked over me and protected me from harming myself. Until I was so beaten up by alcohol that He presented to me AA's 12 steps. God is good and He knows me better than I know myself.
