Son has had periods of abusing alcohol when he has been stressed but he can go for long periods, or he says he can, being only a social drinker. He has been drinking heavily in the last two months and is living with us. We have told him he has to seek help with his drinking or he is out of our house. Problem is that he has nowhere to go. He says he is not an alcoholic because he does not need to drink every day. To be honest I don't even know if that is true. So are we doing the wrong thing in insisting that he at least try to go to AA and see what they have to say. My feeling is that, even if he is not a constant drinker, he is in danger of becoming one unless he learns how to handle the whole situation. He says that he won't learn anything as he is not addicted to alcohol. I guess my question is, will AA help him to gain tools and resources to stop resorting to drinking heavily when times are tough or is he right and it will be a waste of his time. And I KNOW he should be seeking out this help himself but he needs a push in the right direction right now as he has had a breakdown.
I should also add that my son does not believe in organized religion although he acknowledges that there is some form of higher being. Most of the AA meetings here are in churches so that may also be a detrimental factor for him. How religion based is AA? Sorry for all the questions but we are new to this whole process.
Hi Deacon, ... ... ... Welcome to the MIP board ...
Occasionally we see new-comers here just doing a little research ... whether for themselves, a friend, or a family member ... the best way to get a handle on what AA is all about is to get, and read, a copy of our 'Big Book', called Alcoholics Anonymous ... the first 164 pages are the core of our program ... we are NOT a religious group and do NOT suggest nor require any new member to 'get religion' ... Our recovery is based on a spiritual form of recovery, ergo the often heard of term, 'Higher Power' ...
To answer one of your questions, YES, AA will help him gain the tools necessary to live a great life without alcohol ... BUT, as you have already noted, you cannot, and we cannot help someone who doesn't want help ... in fact, the first of our '12-step' program is to admit we have a problem and that our life has become unmanageable ... Also, the only requirement to join AA is 'a desire to stop drinking' ... that's it ... if you honestly want to stop drinking, you're in ... ... ... (no oaths, no religious stuff)(just one alcoholic helping another alcoholic stay sober ...)
I think you would benefit a GREAT deal by going to 'Al-Anon' meetings ... they mirror our program for helping family members of alcoholics and could wisely advise you on a number of issues that you are bound to be experiencing right now ... ... ...
As for your son ... All the help in world will be useless unless He desires to get better ... and there are a multitude of tests or questionnaires 'on-line' that can aid him in seeing whether or not he is dependent on alcohol or not ...
I wish you God's blessings in your effort to help him, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My husband said get better or get out - and it was my time to get better ; )
However... I should say that lots of people had tried this for about 10 yrs... I think we do have to be at our bottom when we get the push out the door...
The religious aspect is not an issue - I came in atheist or agnostic and am doing just fine.
Check out the alanon board here on MIP - or in your town there are probably meetings for yourself when you get time. There is some hope and peace for YOU too... we have a family disease I've been told.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Only he can know for sure if he is an alcoholic. If he is, he will likely have lightbulb moments all over the place at his first AA meeting. If he isn't, he may still learn something.
Pappy pretty much covered it. As someone who sobered up young, for a time many of my contemporarys drank alcoholically (like me) and then grew out of it. Just youthful high spirits for them, deadly disease for me. I was just wasting away and I know my parents were at their wits end. In addition to the above suggestions I would suggest you get hold of a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. In it there are good descriptions of the alcoholic but also several chapters addressed to family, wives and employers, and some useful suggestions on how you might proceed.
The alcoholic diagnosis is really one for your son to make and I wouldn't be too quick with that label. I wonder if it is possible his drinking has been a symptom from the cause of his breakdown. It maybe that alcoholism is the cause but equally it could be some other condition causing the problem. The first step in AA is to identify the problem and perhaps attending one or two meetings, or just talking one to one with an AA member, could help with that.
Mike (Fyne Spirit) makes a good point that I meant to have included ... 'you' may want to go to a few AA meetings just to get 'a feel' for what we're about ... there is what we call an 'open' meeting, meetings open to any who would like to attend ... NOTE: the meetings designated 'closed' are for those who 'know' they're alcoholic and have a desire to stop drinking ... because of 'anonymity', they prefer that only 'alcoholics' attend them ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
