"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." We have then completed Step Seven. BB pg76.
Notice "good and bad". Why? Because also uses the good for His glory and He enhances our natural talents to a supernatural level. The bad He removes from our character through a series of testing trials which our own defects cause. As we learn from our wrongs and show a earnest desire to be rid of them, He provides supernatural power to help us with our infirmities.
Looking back I have not managed to remove one single defect of character myself. I have come to understand that it is my job to be willing and His job to make the changes. In every case I have recognised a change in my behaviour/reaction after a change has been made. I remember very well when I became a thief who could no longer steal, or a procrastinator who began doing things promptly. I only noticed after the event, and paused, thinking "wow, how did that happen? that's not me!"
Someone said in a meeting recently that "Your actions will change your thinking faster than your thinking will change your actions" and I think this may have been the case with me. My actions were around the 12 steps and trying to remove the blockages between me and my higher power - the changed thinking seemed to happen automatically.
Today God has not removed all my defects of character, but most have been reduced. It seems at times He doesn't remove them straight away because there is something yet for me to learn from them.
I notice changes while they are happening all the time personally. Maybe I was sicker than most - but maybe not.
I notice it when people are screaming at me, and I'm calm. I notice that while it's happening all the time, because my kids still fight as best as siblings do. I notice it while I'm driving and smiling, and I think to myself the time I yelled the serenity prayer out the window along with "Please God take this craving away from me!" I notice while I'm kissing my husband that I love him instead of resent him and wish I wasn't kissing him and being fake and holding him hostage in a marriage that is little more than a charade. I notice it while it's happening all the time - but then again - I went a long way down...
I agree Mike - the defects are all still there for me too. I'm not sure I want them gone yet either. Right now, I'm really enjoying learning.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I remember very well when I became a thief who could no longer steal, or a procrastinator who began doing things promptly. I only noticed after the event, and paused, thinking "wow, how did that happen? that's not me!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can identify with you so well Mike. Same with me as well.
Looking back, some defects lessened or when away after putting down the drink, more went away after the 7th step. Some others started slipping away after quite a few years...we need to stay willing and continue asking for God's help via the 7th step prayer.
Thanks,
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
