Not sure I am in the right place to ask this. I am from the alanon board. My spouse at 6 minutes after midnight said, Happy New Year, and "Oh, One Year Anniversary". [OK, I do not remember if I responded or not.]
All I could do was put my hand to my closed lips, speechless. This to me was an admission he had drank in 2004. (I had suspected it, but now I know the truth for sure.) (I had hit another bottom Jan 1, 2005, to try and get away from him again (in not such a bright way). Anyway, he went back to AA---on Jan 3, 2005--he didn't want to lose me, and realized he wasn't sobriety seriously and was farting around with it.
OK, soooo if I were him, I would be trucking off to my group to get my 1 year medallion, or a group share. He has not. He has no sponsor, he has no phone list.
I can assure you, his word isn't exactly enough for me based on track record. It's one day at a time here. He's been excellent at hiding drinking before and I know he can again.
Is this common for someone to just not care about getting a one year medallion? I do not want to be hypervigilant, suspicious, but I don't want alcoholism to bite me in the butt again. I cannot afford 'another' round.
Is it common for an alcoholic to just "keep it together" for just so long for appearance sake (like to keep me?) then go back at it,
I know I'm trying to get into somebody's head here, but I am trying to look out for my best.
Hey Sal? Its been a while. .....you and I have known each other on these boards.. for a long time..
And Ive known your situation for a long time...
Youve had some trying times and some good times...
If hes playing games with his sobriety...its his stuff..
If hes playing the games with you...you dont hafta play them back...
I gotta stay in my own head....and if Im in someone elses head..more than I am my own...
Wellll......you know.:) Alanon thing....
If he drank a year ago...its yesterdays stuff.....youve had some pretty good days over the last while..right? He lied to you? welll...relationships are about forgiving too..right..?
Let It go...Gal... Let it go...
Enjoy all those good days youve both had together...and the ones to come...
Its an awful lot better than it used to be eh??? Positive thoughts...
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Hi Sal, I'm with Phil on this one. I've been sober awhile and I can not or will I ever be able to figure out my alcoholic husbands mind... his is wired different than mine.
One day at a time, yesterday is over and today is all I've got, so got to make the best of it. I still go to Al-anon when I start analysing others motives and thoughts...and this board keeps me straight on that , too.
Being the alcoholic, in remission, I have done that type of masking. After a while the real me showed. I was not sincere in my promise and as long as I thought I could control the situation the wife wouldn't be the wiser.
When I finally hit my bottom I became sincere and realized I couldn't do the program of alcoholics for anyone other than myself.
I am at a loss on what to do, from the standpoint of an alanon. If I were one, I beleive I would seek out other alanons with quality time and discuss with them on how to work an alanon program.
THanks everyone for your responses. All I know lately 2 + 2 = 5 with him lately. Today, 2 + 2 = 11. So, I think I am going to PROTECT myself. I just feel like something's coming. Yeah, we have had some good times, but this didn't feel sooooo good today. I am off to alanon meeting tonight. I am so afraid he thinks I will know none the better, it's just a feeling I have.
Sal, I'm glad you are doing what you have to do for you. You didn't cause it, can't control it, and sure can't cure it...but you can get better one day at a time.
