Sometimes my husband and I are both 'on' and we have such a wonderful go of it. Other times, one or the other is 'off' and I'm not even going to talk about the days we're both off!
Yesterday, we went out for our anniversary, and it was a joy. We were both 'on' during the day in regards to working our program. I banked up some meetings for several days prior, because he deserved the best I have to offer... and I find I'm at my best when I've been to meetings daily for 3-4 days.
Our meal was special, and there was nothing extravagant other than the joy that we made it this far, and things are good. It's possible for me to want to see him happy. I didn't know how to do this in a healthy, non-smothering - non manipulative way before... that ultimately was about wanting myself to feel happy or good about myself, which never worked.
He wrote out some words on a simple card, and they meant everything to me. It was real, and I knew it, and I could believe it too. Even if he told me he loved me 1000 times per day before, since I didn't love myself, I couldn't believe he loved me either. But, he went beyond that this time... and I could internalize it - and not with an iota of my old conceit and arrogance that covered up any real deep connections of the heart.
How do I really explain that I never thought any of this was possible? How did I get to a place of being free from the feeling that at any moment the gig will be up? How is it possible that the grace our family has been offered is real? How could this fool who refused to believe in anything get such a wonderful gift? Only God knows I guess.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
When we stop trying to 'force' things to happen, and simply 'let go', then the miracles can happen, but not until we let go ... ... ... In my quest to 'let life run it's course', I have come to see that when I let go, and carry no 'expectations' of my relationship with my wife, then I am open to the surprises the relationship can offer ... and these surprises seem to always turn into gifts ... gifts of sobriety ...
Congradulations on your anniversary ... I wish you many more ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Happy anniversary! The best things in life are simple and they are usually snapshots in time and just "moments" were we can be in the present and not all stuck in crazy foward or backward thinking like days of old.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Beautiful Tasha,,the miracles continue to follow us and in recovery WE become even more aware,even though there were many miracles in our road to destruction,(survival to start)our humility and acceptance of who we are and what we do to remain free becomes so evident I say I am an alcoholic named Mike,reminding myself if I don't remember what I am ,who I am isn't going to matter based on my own evidence...Thanks for sharing that trip with us,Lost dreams continue to awaken and new possiblities continue to arise,a day at a time in God's grace and mercy and freedom from active addiction.........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
