Ive always had this feeling of being 'stuck'. When I'm in bad or unhealthy siuations, I often feel as though there's not much I can do about it. In the past, it has been a source of twisted pride to 'tough it out'. One of my most glaring character defects is feeling the victim of life circumstance. Another is a stubborn sense of just dealing with it without taking any action to change matters. I'm sure there are many reasons for this, but it's a pattern that has to change. I think it time to begin taking charge of my life and actually make decisions about my life instead of simply reacting to situations. I realize that I tend to put myself in not so ideal situations, make unhealthy choices, then sit in it feeling helpless. No more. Whether I like it or not (lol) I AM a grown woman capable of steering the direction of my life. I also have come to realize that although I trust my HP with my sobriety and relative sanity, I have little faith when it comes to the more secular matters. My job is not working out for me any longer. It hasn't been for a while. It's somewhat of a toxic environment for me, I'm over working nights, and most importantly I cannot afford the basics of life on what I make there. My decisions on a monthly basis involve choosing between rent or food. Yet, I've stuck with it, hoping things will get better. I'm not really dealing with the reality of the situation, but idly waiting for some magic fairy dust to change things into what I want them to be, or what I think they should be, or how they used to be. Good time for a dozen serenity prayers. The other night I did something that I recall someone on this board saying they had done when times were tough (John? Dean?)- they prayed for work. I did this, then looked through Craigslist considering things I'd never really looked at before. Usually I would think 'I can't do anything aside from waitress or bartend', but I opened my mind up to other possibilities. Guess what? I have an interview today with a salon. The hours are great, it's accessible for me with no car, it's a salon I actually go to... I never would've even looked at this and it could work out perfectly! I could even hold onto a few shifts (which have been very sporadic lately) with my current job due to the hours. What a relief to realize I DO have options, I CAN trust that I'll make somewhat intelligent decisions, I DONT 'have to' just continue putting myself in bad situations, then wonder why it stinks haha. I can also begin to trust my HP a bit more with the day to day things. Hey, if that HP has helped me stay sober for 11 months, maybe I can trust his guidance. Truly, I have been shown huge, neon signs for a while now in regards to this situation that I simply chose to ignore.

I love that plan. I am not knocking restaurant work, but it is pretty high drama and conducive to drinking. It is am unbelievable feeling when your HP drops something like this in your lap. Congrats.
Tom

vixen wrote:

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This reminds me of the saying: God helps those who help themselves. You took a step and God met you where you are at. Sometimes miracles are huge and awesome, sometimes they come to us via Craigslist. I am happy you prayed and took action! Faith without works is dead. Your Higher Power wants more than anything to be asked for help and answers those calls in some truly lovely ways. Blessings to you as you continue to step out in faith. :)

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What Vixen wrote about sums it up for me.  Alcoholics can be slothful(aka-procrastinators).  For me, I can take action with all my vigor and OCD within my comfort zone.  But, can be slothful as hell when trying to expand that comfort zone.  Take a risk? Trying new things?  Being flexible?  Me? 

Sometimes, o.k.- maybe alot................      I do wait for change to happen in lieu of creating change by taken action and stepping outside my tiny comfort zone.  Something I'm working on now myself.    Thanks for the post and reminder.