I lost my license for a year. My sponsor is fully aware of this, but today he made a comment that I'm not meeting with him enough. I don't have any way of getting to him and he knows this. He hasn't made any plans to meet me. I'd like to meet with him more and made that clear.
Has anyone else experience anything like this? Any advice?
Invite him over for supper? Have him meet you somewhere the bus can drop you off? Call a cab? Call a friend in the program for a ride to a meeting and ask him to meet you there and talk after? Walk to the nearest coffee shop and see if he can meet you?
I don't know, if you're making a true valiant effort - then just ask him for help. If he says no - find someone who can meet you 1/2 way. There are a million fish in the sea... but you are going to have to dig deep to see if you truly are doing everything and anything you possibly can to get to your solution and salvation from this deadly disease. How far would you go for a drink of water in the dessert? How far did you go to get a drink of booze? Make it that kind of priority and you'll be fine. You found a way to the liquor store... you can find a way to your recovery from it too I bet. You're no dumb bell. Alcoholics are usually quite smart ; )
Glad to see you posting : ) Hoping to hear more from you!
Hugs
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hey Darren, Welcome. Remember, sponsors are human as well. I would simply state the obvious. "How can we meet if I do not have a car?" Depending on the answer, you will know if you need a different sponsor. How are you getting to meetings? Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
"How can I get sober if I don't have a car" Mate, it's a consequence of your drinking. You did it, not your sponsor. Meeting your transport needs is not your sponsor's job. When you have a doctor's appointment, do you expect him to come pick you up?I had no car, or anything else when I got sober. There was public transport, I used that. I had legs, I used them. If going to any lengths means (to you) anything that can be accomplished without the incovenience of getting from A to B without a car ,well ... I'd have to wonder! Maybe some effort has to come from you. When people see you are serious and will let no minor inconvenience get between you and your sobriety, perhaps more help will be forthcoming.
A sponsor is not there for you, to keep you sober ... they are volunteering there time to help you learn how they stayed sober ...
I went to the effort of driving 12 miles, one way, to pick-up a 25 y/o and take him back and forth to meetings in an effort to get him to do 90-in-90 ... after a few weeks, he stopped calling me and then stopped returning my calls ... it was that early lesson I learned ... I can't be responsible for someone else's sobriety, just my own ... and I also learned that I cannot put such a strain on me and my family to ensure the other guy stays sober ... that's up to him ...
Of course I will try, within reason, to help anyway I can ... but for me to continue to pickup and drop-off someone can become a financial burden, with the price of gas, much less the cost of time with family ... I have learned to set boundaries with my sponsees ... I work closely with them to start, then quickly teach them to be more responsible for themselves ... each case is different ... and with enough faith, your 'higher power' will make sure you have a path to recovery ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Take the bus - walk... How do you get anywhere with out a license? How to you get to work, meetings....? Likely your sponsor is seeing this as a willingness issue and you kind of are copping out with the "no driving" thing.
That being said - I wouldn't want to take the bus and all that either so I understand....BUT we do need to be willing to go to whatever lengths are necessary.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Are you someplace where you can get good public transportation? No offense, but it isn't your sponsor's job to make plans to meet with you. It's the other way around.
I've known some sponsors who were TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH. They would pick up their sponsees for meetings until the 90 in 90 was up and then the sponsee was on their own to get to the meeting, even if they had to walk. Funny, the few people I know who had this sponsor have stayed sober for quite a few 24 hours.
Make the effort. I lost my license for a while. Still met with my AA peeps.
Hi, Darren! Good question! I do not have a car, either- never have. I'm one of those weirdos who never got their license. It may be a bit different for me, because Ive always lived in a city with decent public transportation and it's second nature for me to jump on a bus or train. I also am very accustomed to walking long distances. I'm sure this is an adjustment for you. Not sure if you live in a city or more rural or suburban area, but a bike is a great idea. You could probably get one for free or next to nothing if you look around. In my case, I'm so used to getting myself around without a car that I don't depend on others to pick me up in their cars- as a matter of fact, I make it a point to not ask because I don't want people to think I'm only calling them for a ride. I don't want to be 'that girl'. That being said, many people insist on offering a ride even if I insist it's not necessary- many people want to help you get to meetings. I understand where your sponser is coming from, and sometimes the effort you must put in to your sobriety is inconvenient. I often walk several miles to and from meetings- I must admit that when it's raining, or was snowing (like blizzard conditions) it just plain sucks! I put in just as much effort to stumble up to the store or bar with no complaint haha. I really would look into a bike, but walkings also a great opportunity to get some good thinking done. I am willing to go to any length to stay sober. Again, I don't fully know your situation but be totally honest with your sponser and see if there's a plan for meeting that's best for both of you. I usually meet with my sponser before a meeting we both attend- we just meet an hour or so earlier than meeting. It can be worked out :)
Hey Darren - I read your story on the sticky thread and let me just say WOW! That is amazing and inspirational! I had an emergency with my son only days after sobering up (after being a daily drinker for almost a year) and I felt the same way as you! That there would have been no way I could have handled it if had been like a week prior! And how awful and there was divine power at work for sure! I thought of all the terrible things I skimmed through in my drinking days, but this would have been really bad and I would have had a hard time forgiving myself. Glad you shared your story here... keep working at this, you're an inspiration already : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Welcome to the MIP board. I also enjoyed your story, hope you will keep come back to stay connected here.
A lot of good things said about getting to meetings. Most alcoholics are not used to asking for rides or help etc.
The only thing I might add that might help is notice to who is doing the service work at meetings especially those setting up. Mention that you would like to help and get involved in service (assuming this is true) but need a ride to the meeting.
The people doing the work usually like help and you won't feel like you are just bumming a ride.
I have a sponcee with no license or car who made a meeting almost every day for a year employing the above method.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
