Hi missy, ... You have discovered that we all have worn the same shoes at one time or another ... you just perfectly explained why one alcoholic working with another works where others have failed ... your story brought tears of happiness to me because of the light you just managed to turn 'on' ... ... ... go to meetings and no matter what, don't drink ... it gets easier ...
Love Ya and God Bless,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 24th of April 2013 09:37:08 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I've tried putting down the bottle on my own and by reading books and online material for some time now. Sometimes, I have managed long periods of sobriety, but always end up slipping back into drinking again. I'll start thinking to myself that I'll just have a glass of wine and relax while I cook dinner, or a glass while I read a book in the tub, a drink to be social with friends, etc.
I laid in bed last night, as I have many, many times, for God to please help the pain stop. And to be honest, despite my strict Southern Baptist upbringing, I doubted that there was a higher power, and IF there was one, he surely hates me. But this morning, I was moved. You all were saying to Janey what I needed to hear, too. It compelled me to go to my first meeting. I admit that I have resisted meetings. What if I know someone there? What if I say something stupid? But I went anyway, as nervous as I was.
When I got there, I told myself I'd just sit in the car and see who goes in. Then, a very nervous woman with a cup of coffee, is wandering around like she was lost, so I thought to myself that I could go in with her. She disappeared, though. Just as I was turning around to go back to my car, a big biker guy came up behind me and said "You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around." So I did.
There were 4 newcomers in the meeting. I never thought the people would be so warm and welcoming. I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt like I fit in with anyone, anywhere, without a drink in my hand-until today. Those people are like me, they understand my pain, self-loathing, and shame. The fact that I cried the entire meeting didn't phase them at all. At the end of the meeting, one of them took me in her arms and hugged me while I cried, something not even my mother has done. She told me I never have to hurt like I have been ever again, as long as I don't pick up that drink. Why didn't I listen to all of you before today? There are other people in the world that are like me! The huge burden I have been carrying of being the perfect wife and mom to the world and a closet drinker is gone. I'm not perfect, I'm an alcoholic, and I am human.
I am a mom and wife too - keep posting and let us know how things are going! You can do this! There are going to be times when you're kids aren't going to want you to go, but you'll have to... just keep putting yourself and your sobriety first for at least the first 90 days no matter what - give yourself a fair chance at this - and know you are so loved already!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Great Missy! So happy you found us! Yes, I, too, wandered around outside my first meeting debating whether or not I was to go in. It was also a big, intimidating guy who pulled up on a Harley that convinced me that I was in the right place by simply being welcoming and saying "you look like you're in the right place"! Gotta luv those guys:) Keep us posted!
Wow! That was the story I needed to hear this morning! It reminds me that sometimes my Higher Power manifests His/Her/Its presence in the form of a "Big biker guy"! "You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around." I Love this program! Welcome Missyj!
Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Keep coming back, it really does work if you work it. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
I am baffled why I resisted for so long. It's such a relief that I have found my place. I'm on my way. Still feeling a little euphoric.
That's how I felt!
I had to lose a lot to get it through my head that I had a problem. And then I still had to stew about it for a bit more, and lose some more. All worth it though to be here today.
I am baffled why I resisted for so long. It's such a relief that I have found my place. I'm on my way. Still feeling a little euphoric.
Yeah, Missyj! This is exactly how I felt as well, and I could really identify with your first post. I remember clearly thinking 'I don't have to do this alone anymore'. It was a revelation. So glad you're here!
What an awesome share...I hope you'll continue to share your journey with us. I too resisted far too long...Same reasons...Fear. It amazes me the people God and this program have brought into my life....I think I've met that biker too. Welcome....And keep coming back.
