I found a new life in AA. It took sometime in doing it, but after having a man approach me and say "Come with me, I can help you" He began to take me thorught the steps and literature that really made me feel good about myself. My early life as a child was filled with fear, criticism, and ridicule. I lived a life of fear, rage, and anger. After doing the 3rd step and following through with it and the rest, I followed the sugestions of the Big Book and found that I was beginning to change inside my very conciousness. Becoming a nicer kinder person with the thought of others on my mind. My sponsor taught me that we are not here to impress others and it was our mouth and opinions that had generated our problems. There are people in our town with years of AA, but I soon discovered what "dry" meant and my sponsor had me pray for those that I was allowing to rent space in my mind. This personality I understand, and well relate to as Chp. 5 talks about others being sick and so on. I see them harassing newcomers only to never return. These "goruch & brainstormer's" are quite evident as you are returned to some sanity as you walk with God (higher power). The "crosstalk" at meetings can try my patience and my previous life ways to hadle situations were to "F U" But my sponsors say we are here not to be a good person but to be healthy minded and as the 9th step promises say's, being able to handle problems that use to baffle us. So I go for the newcomer to share what it was like, what happened, and what its like now. You really can't argue with that; but there are those that do and I am learning to ignore them but human emotions and our sensitivity can be challenging. I guess it boils down to we treat others as we want to be treated but then a sick mind without God is still a sick mind so I recite the entire Serenity Prayer. I want to be there for the newcomer that is still suffering and I guess if there are those there that are still suffering from being dry then its there choice. I have to always remember, it wasn't my best assest's if any, that got me here, it was my worst.
Glad you found us and thanks for your messgae of HOPE! Crosstalking is annoying and a good chair should nip it in the bud,but do not let that deter you from seeking your recovery and working The program..Have a blessed and productive day,hope to hear more from you.
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
...There are people in our town with years of AA, but I soon discovered what "dry" meant and my sponsor had me pray for those that I was allowing to rent space in my mind. This personality I understand, and well relate to as Chp. 5 talks about others being sick and so on. I see them harassing newcomers only to never return. These "goruch & brainstormer's" are quite evident as you are returned to some sanity as you walk with God (higher power). The "crosstalk" at meetings can try my patience and my previous life ways to hadle situations were to "F U" But my sponsors say we are here not to be a good person but to be healthy minded and as the 9th step promises say's, being able to handle problems that use to baffle us. So I go for the newcomer to share what it was like, what happened, and what its like now. You really can't argue with that; but there are those that do and I am learning to ignore them but human emotions and our sensitivity can be challenging. I guess it boils down to we treat others as we want to be treated but then a sick mind without God is still a sick mind so I recite the entire Serenity Prayer. I want to be there for the newcomer that is still suffering and I guess if there are those there that are still suffering from being dry then its there choice. I have to always remember, it wasn't my best assest's if any, that got me here, it was my worst.
Welcome to the discussion forum, NBOM. Good to hear you're changing your life with the program of AA. It gets better. Keep it up.
I would be very concerned about AA's who practice their program by "harrassing newcomers ." I have seen some of this happen and it's not pretty.It's a power trip with those guys and gals, I suspect. And sometimes other AAs don't want to speak up against it. Sadly, AA membership growth has been nil in recent years. "Harrassment" has something to do with that, I think.
Frustrating.
You are doing the best you can, NBOM, and that's heartening. Thanks for your service.
Hey Pythonpappy, Thats a real good idea....I realize things vary from demographic autonomy with each group but with some leaders being new, they are unaware of whats happening. Does your group have a certain length of sobriety for leaders? Keep up the good work!
I am rededicating myself to recovery due to some circumstances that have led me to think of drinking. While I have not picked up a bottle, I decided to start attending a daily morning meeting to begin my day. There are definately some "grouches" at this new meeting and I am thinking of quiting this meeting and going back to evenings even though I would prefer mornings. It seems these guys don't want newcomers shaking up "their" meeting as they really seem to be pushing me away by suggesting that I am wasiting my time and theirs. Serenity now!
glad you found us ... on occasion, I have found my program of recovery in need of a 'tune up' ... perhaps I have a need to add some meetings to my routine for a while, perhaps I am in need of adjusting my prayers a bit to fit in with the changing conditions around me ... never-the-less, it is a great idea to practice step 10 regarding the 'continued to take personal inventory' part ... ... ... you took the right steps from what I can tell, good job ... ... ... AND, as I'm sure you know, or at least now you know, each 'group' has their own group personality ... some good, some not so good ... it's just the way it goes sometimes ... don't let that discourage you ... I suggest to continue to go to that a.m. meeting and just listen 'only' for a couple weeks ... if asked if you want to share, just say I think I'll just listen for now ... Once the others figure out you're serious about 'your' program, then they'll come around I'm sure ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hey Pythonpappy, Thats a real good idea....I realize things vary from demographic autonomy with each group but with some leaders being new, they are unaware of whats happening. Does your group have a certain length of sobriety for leaders? Keep up the good work!
Hi again NBOM, ... ... ...
This can vary with the groups a little in this area, but typically, 90 days sober to 'chair a meeting' with a few groups requiring 1 year, to be a 'panel' member for the 'Beginner's' meeting you must have minimum 1 year sober and have worked at least through step 7, ... also '2 years and have worked the steps' to be GSR ... ... ... But our groups here typically have a hand full of 10+ years sober members in attendance at any one meeting and they are NOT shy about correcting the 'direction' of the meeting should the chair person not take action when either 'crosstalk' OR a subject is introduced NOT related to alcohol use ... I.E. someone centering on their problems with their spouse, or the details of what their 'shrink' thinks, or any number of topics that go way off the issue of alcohol ...
The way we see it, if you are a 'member' of our group, then it is your responsibility to assist the chair person in keeping an 'orderly' meeting ... that's been my experience ...
Thanks for your interest!
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Here is my one of my experiences with your subject. About 8 years ago I was frequenting a Friday night meeting in our area, for a couple months it seemed that often a new person or two who would show up....then of course the chairperson would decide to make it a first step discussion and then crosstalk would begin directed at the new person. I would get disgusted and appalled, this was against everything I had ever learned in AA (thank God I got sober in a area that had mostly speaker meetings).
Myself and another person from my Weds homegroup after discussing the insanity decided as the minister at the Weds church (just a couple miles away from this Fri meeting) if we could add a Friday meeting...it is still going and thriving to this day. We have a 50% chance of catching the newcomer, and the other Fri meeting has since cleaned up it's act.
In the early days of AA, there where a lot of problems and crazy policies at various groups. Within a few years of the BBook being written, Bill and members of AA took action and the traditions where starting to be formulated. A copy of the AA's suggested group traditions was sent to every know meeting in 1947.
If it wasn't for the effort of early AA's getting into action on the traditions, it is doubtful AA would exsist to this day.
The hard part of the serenity prayer is "the courage to change the things we can".
>If this is your homegroup, build a coalition of other members who feel the same about the crosstalk issue and bring it up at the next business meeting. Our Homegroup chairperson guide has a statement explaining what crosstalk is, and states "in keeping with our 1st tradition we ask that there be no crosstalk during the discussion.
>If this is not your homegroup, ask the secretary of Sr member if you can attend the next business meeting and bring up the issue as a concerned attendee of the meeting.
>If you are not comfortable with the above, call the local central office with the concern and ask them for help or the best course of action.
>If all this fails, get some others together and start another meeting and do things right. Other meetings in the area will probably notice what you are doing and start to copy it.
Hope this can help....sorry so long
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Here is my one of my experiences with your subject. About 8 years ago I was frequenting a Friday night meeting in our area, for a couple months it seemed that often a new person or two who would show up....then of course the chairperson would decide to make it a first step discussion and then crosstalk would begin directed at the new person. I would get disgusted and appalled, this was against everything I had ever learned in AA (thank God I got sober in a area that had mostly speaker meetings).
Myself and another person from my Weds homegroup after discussing the insanity decided as the minister at the Weds church (just a couple miles away from this Fri meeting) if we could add a Friday meeting...it is still going and thriving to this day. We have a 50% chance of catching the newcomer, and the other Fri meeting has since cleaned up it's act.
In the early days of AA, there where a lot of problems and crazy policies at various groups. Within a few years of the BBook being written, Bill and members of AA took action and the traditions where starting to be formulated. A copy of the AA's suggested group traditions was sent to every know meeting in 1947.
If it wasn't for the effort of early AA's getting into action on the traditions, it is doubtful AA would exsist to this day.
That is unfortunate. It's a power play. A "Let's pick on the newcomer" thing. With some initiation aspects.
Thank God we have the Traditions. It saves AA from becoming a sanctimonius exclusive bitter little club.
-- Edited by Tanin on Friday 12th of April 2013 07:27:51 AM
