When I was a college student and started drinking, I was obsessed with Charles Bukowski - along with many other literary drunks. There was something in his words that made me feel like getting drunk was a viable way to resist the dull and boring status quo of the middle class. Why go to work every day and live a "normal" life when you can be drunk all the time, meet interesting people, go on adventures, and spend time in solidarity with people can see the world for what it really is? That was my takeaway from these authors - and, you know, it was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. 

What these authors didn't tell me was that "normal" people get drunk too - often more than the authors and artists who attribute their creativity to alcohol. There is nothing special or unique or intelligent or revolutionary about an alcohol dependence that destroys your relationships, eats at your life, and lands you in jail. There is nothing artistic or beautiful or strong about drinking your nights away into a haze while your problems continue to stack up and you become more and more egomaniacal. I wish that someone had been able to convince me of this when I was young and idealistic. 

Charles Bukowski hated Disney because he said that it provided a meaningless "escape" for people whose lives were miserable. In hindsight, that's ironic coming from someone who burried himself in alcohol constantly. I still love Charles Bukowski and other similar authors for the genuine insight and consolation they have brought to my mind, but sometimes I feel like there is nothing as irresponsible as being a great artist and extolling the virtues of alcohol. For those of us who are young and impressionable, and leading for guidance, these peoples' words are often read as gospel, even when destructive. 

Anyway, I know I'm simplifying a more complex issue, but it's something I think about a lot. Also, tomorrow is eight solid weeks of sobriety. I feel GREAT. 

-Adam

Yup, yup, and yes!! Oh Adam I idolized the same people- thinking myself amongst this elite group of literary alcoholics. I was way too cool to be ordinary- I was a hip, sophisticated, educated, social critic bar fly. Haha- I ran across Bukowski as a 13 year old and fell in love- this was my kinda dude. I actually worked at a bar named 'Bukowski'... Many of the regulars were the intellectual drunk types. Man, read him now and you'll clearly see written on the pages the denial the man lived in.

Congrats on eight weeks Adam ... I've never read Bukowski ... but your view on this issue seems sound enough ... thanks for the post ...

Pappy

Hi Adam,

Thanks for the interesting post and congrats on the 8 weeks!

I don't know much about Bukowski, but reading your post made me think about comparing my "insides" with other peoples "outsides". We will never know exactly how anyone else ever feels inside...only ourselves.

I'm sure alcohol and drugs has helped some to be creative and perform their work, but not myself or most of us.

I had a room-mate in college who used to smoke pot and study electrical engineering material. When I smoked, I would read the same paragraph 5 times and still not understand it, let alone EE type material 

Hi there Adam and congrats on 8 weeks.

Super-duper post. Totally relate. Like you, I loved and still love to read. I idolized writers like Raymond Chandler, Ian Fleming, Hemingway, F Scott, etc. Chronic drunks all and I figured that if I drank, I could be like them.

With the benefit of sober insight, I can say now: "why on earth would I have wanted to be like them?" They led miserable lives and all died prematurely and pretty awfully, with Hemingway blowing his head off with a shotgun. Not very romantic.

Sober is good. Sober is very good.

BTW, I've discovered lots of successful sober writers. James Ellroy was homeless drunk who discovered AA, for example. :)

Rob84 wrote:

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I had a room-mate in college who used to smoke pot and study electrical engineering material. When I smoked, I would read the same paragraph 5 times and still not understand it, let alone EE type material 

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Been there too! I always romanticized the idea of having a few drinks and reading great literature. In reality, after my few drinks I would be mindlessly staring at my computer while my book sat abandoned on a shelf. 

-Adam