Oh, there's many- big and small. For the most part I have accepted them... I no longer mourn the almost 25 years of wreckage, lost opportunities and all that. One that still gets me is people who knew me when I was drinking, and still treat me as though I am. Ive worked at the same restaurant for about 3 years now, so many of my coworkers saw what I has become as a drinker. I was a liar, a sneak, manipulative, a mean spirited person filled with anger. I had outbursts, temper tantrums, I was sick all the time, I barely said hello to people... Just misery. Most of the people I see on a daily basis have no doubt noticed a marked difference in me- though they may not know its due to sobriety. I must admit, it really hurts when people treat me as though I'm still the same person I was. Really, theres only 2 or 3, and it hasn't even been a year for me- but I feel and think do differently that I have a hard time accepting this suspicion and lack of respect. Just as an example, I broke a glass the other night, which is a fairly common thing when one serves drinks on a tray- no big deal. The gentleman who was managing that night immediately questioned my coworker to investigate what happened because he thought it 'suspicious'. He thought I was drunk. If I have a moment where I need to step outside to get air, it's 'suspicious'. When I go to the ladies room, it's cause for suspicion and inquiry. Now, I never drank before or during work, never did drugs- but these few people think that I did (and do). It hurts, it angers me, but I understand. I wish I didn't understand, but I do. It can be difficult to hold my head up, and not let it get to me. It sometimes leads me to tears, because I just want to shout "I'm sober! And I take it more seriously than anything I've ever done". I don't, I keep quiet and hope that time will shed these assumptions about me. Maybe not, and I just have to accept that.
A significant amount of other servers do come in drunk, hung over...sneak drinks during work. This may be an instance of not taking it personal and the suspicion is due to the industry and not you personally. Like standard protocol. Just wondering. Eventually you will leave this job behind so it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. Heck, it doesn't even really matter now because those who know you know you are sober and the rest don't matter that much.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Yeah i agree I was a chef at a resturant, I would come in smashed, the owner never usually cared because he would be drunk too. One of the reasons i had to get out if I had any chance of quitting drinking, I remember one friday night one of the servers said what no beer ? are you sick today? just constant pressure to drink.
Hey Col, The thing is that this job is not forever. Its funny but when you were drinking (not at work) you did not care so much if they were suspicious. Now, integrity is slipping into your life, and there will be a time when new opportunities in new towns with new jobs will come your way because you are now a person who can stay focused and productive and happy. You will realize that the world of restaurants, bars etc, is just a place to make money so you can live. There are other occupations for a young lady of intelligence to pursue when you feel you are ready. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
(((Col))) with practice this also becomes an easy one to let go and not react to. The "Theys" in my world do not have to be in their own practice to arrive at "Letting go of the past and not wanting to close the door on it". I've been sober for a reasonable period of time and then there is more than just a passle of people who remember who I was then who don't live with or near me. When the "knock" is delivered I relax and rely on the recovery I am so blessed to have and for which there is no reasonable judgement today. I sometimes use the "that was then and now is now" response with others who are afraid of the past and sometimes I have asked them for some time to sit with me to hear the "short story" about how it was, what I found out and what it is like now. They all know about and are aware of AA and NA and NarAnon and Al-Anon. I'm no longer afraid of my past...only the repitition of it for which I have no excuse seeing that I have this program, this board and hundreds of recovering alcoholics and addicts to keep me on my side of the street. In support. to add...I was taught by the fellowship and my sponsors to verify their past impressions by saying... "Yeah your right...that is what it was like for me and it was hell for me. Sorry it touched you just as negatively. It's not happening that way now for me and I know that others have problems accepting that...It'll pass. Did I do something to you while I was drinking that I haven't apologized for an made right"? If there is no response I go back to work...If there is a response I listen with HP. You're doing recovery...keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Hey Coleen it'll take time for them to get used to the new you. They're just used to the old you so the longer you keep going the more they'll be able to trust that you're ok. I was reading in a book that it took a lady one year to be able to sit next to her husband after he got sober. This wasn't right next to him it was on the other end of their lounge chair. It does take a while for everyone to heal.
Thanks guys:) I came home and read these responses after another crappy day at work with this manager eyeballing me throughout the night. All of these things said are true, some great points made. PC- sounds like you've worked in the industry at some point:) I also realized that once I get these thoughts going, they can tend to just get bigger and bigger to where I think the dishwasher thinks I'm drunk haha. Also, I have to keep in mind that there are 2 coworkers of mine who shout AA from the rooftops, then come in drunk- my boss actually has a breathalyzer for one that had to be taken to detox by ambulance after months of claiming he went to AA everyday. Some of my coworkers have reason to be a bit jaded regarding people than claim to not drink. I get it. We've lost one gentleman to this disease, after the owners made him a part of their family. Poor soul drank himself to death despite all of the efforts made to help him. I know this job isn't forever, but it is difficult to see others both continuously relapse, or use AA as a 'cover' for their drinking- it happens, unfortunately. I guess it's all more motivation for me to take my own sobriety deadly serious. I think it a blessing in disguise to be getting sober in an industry where alcoholism and addiction is so openly rampant.
Oh, there's many- big and small. For the most part I have accepted them... I no longer mourn the almost 25 years of wreckage, lost opportunities and all that. One that still gets me is people who knew me when I was drinking, and still treat me as though I am. Ive worked at the same restaurant for about 3 years now, so many of my coworkers saw what I has become as a drinker. I was a liar, a sneak, manipulative, a mean spirited person filled with anger. I had outbursts, temper tantrums, I was sick all the time, I barely said hello to people... Just misery. Most of the people I see on a daily basis have no doubt noticed a marked difference in me- though they may not know its due to sobriety. I must admit, it really hurts when people treat me as though I'm still the same person I was. Really, theres only 2 or 3, and it hasn't even been a year for me- but I feel and think do differently that I have a hard time accepting this suspicion and lack of respect. Just as an example, I broke a glass the other night, which is a fairly common thing when one serves drinks on a tray- no big deal. The gentleman who was managing that night immediately questioned my coworker to investigate what happened because he thought it 'suspicious'. He thought I was drunk. If I have a moment where I need to step outside to get air, it's 'suspicious'. When I go to the ladies room, it's cause for suspicion and inquiry. Now, I never drank before or during work, never did drugs- but these few people think that I did (and do). It hurts, it angers me, but I understand. I wish I didn't understand, but I do. It can be difficult to hold my head up, and not let it get to me. It sometimes leads me to tears, because I just want to shout "I'm sober! And I take it more seriously than anything I've ever done". I don't, I keep quiet and hope that time will shed these assumptions about me. Maybe not, and I just have to accept that.
Hey Col, ... ... ... Glad to see you're hanging in there ... You described my first year perfectly ... the thing with family and friends, is that they've grown so accustomed to our 'old' self, they just haven't seen enough to trust the new self ... ... ... As with a 'living amends', it does take 'time' for the new 'us' to break down old "profile" we used to have and exhibit ... ... ... We used to look and act the part of an alcoholic ... It took me at least a year for other to start viewing me differently ... so I think this is where I started to learn patience ... I just had to keep being the new 'me' until it showed that it was the 'true' me ... ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
