Today I couldn't help but learn that I have a huge resentment, and I have some work to do on forgiveness. Darnit anyway, but guess what? I DO NOT WANT TO forgive this person. I have run around for a year trying to find people who will tell me that's okay, and validate my side of the story. Validate my want to avoid this person(s) for yet another holiday, because they are worse to me than I am to them... so I 'shouldn't put myself in that position'. In all reality, when I look in the mirror today, I found I have work to do in the forgiveness department, and I learned I will not be able to forgive that other person until I truly forgive myself. I guess I haven't? Does this mean I haven't??? I feel like I have, but if I have, then why can't I forgive them for not understanding? Why can't I be okay with just walking in on Easter Sunday with my head held high ????
I don't want to die drunk - so I better get this resentment figured out. It was said to me once before that I don't want the answer. I just can't imagine ever... ever... ever... being okay hanging out with my sister in laws.
I REALLY don't want to hang around people who think I am just a pile of bad choices, who do not believe I have a disease, who have shunned me for a year now. I still don't know HOW to do this.
Am I avoiding the answers? Am I going to die drunk over this???
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I always look for answers in the book Tasha....And then I Pray.
We don't use this as an excuse for shying away from the subject of God. When it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions with tact and common sense. The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and, though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we are still not too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.
Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Simply we tell him that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.
In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens. Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his own fault, so feuds of years' standing melt away in an hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies sometimes praise what we are doing and wish us well. Occasionally, they will offer assistance. It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of his office. We have made our demonstration, done our part. It's water over the dam.
Remember "Responsible for the effort, not the outcome"? Easy does it, but do it. Who's got the power...you? HP? Them? And where does it say we have to hang out with anybody we don't want to hang out with? And last but not least, forgiving does not mean forgetting and inviting 'em to do a replay.
In the big book on pg. 552 it says if you have a resentment you want to be rid of pray for the person you resent to be given everything you want for yourself and you will be free of the resentment. Evern if you don't really want it for them and your prayers are just words do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you'll find you have come to mean it and you will be free of the resentment.
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Tell me and I'll forget. Teach me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll learn.
Resentments, and more resentments -welcome to my world, Tasha. I wouldn't get too carried away, though. I used to give away resentments like it was nothing: Now I pray. The more I forgive others the more I'm forgiven myself -funny how that works out.
The great thing about sobriety, other than enjoying life today, is the part about social graces. I'm able to turn what was once a huge burden into a wonderful blessing, like resentments. It is difficult, though, especially when it comes to social functions. My mother-in-law has a hard time accepting my alcoholism, but we've made strides recently -despite the occasional comment or two. I guess we all have our differences; mine are inherited that's all.
In this struggle, though, I find allies almost everywhere -especially with the stigma that excessive drinking carries, but how can anyone turn down an Easter invitation without offering deeper explanations as to why -that's another resentment in the making. So I'll go with my wife as usual, but with greater humility today that's all. My drinking is no longer in question, and either is my worth today? I'm no longer fearful as my drinking becomes less and less of an issue, and that's something they can't deny. The anxiety problem, though, is another barrier to progress -something new to work on for sure. There's no simple way to reconfigure my entire life overnight, is there? Onward then. Happy Easter everyone.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 29th of March 2013 03:08:39 AM
I use to just hate it when I admitted that I let someone own my peace of mind and serenity even when they didn't know it and didn't ask permission to take it. I found out that resentment was part and parcel of my pride and ego. My counselor and sponsor asked me what made me think I was such a big deal that others would put so much effort and time into hurting my feelings. My counselor capped it off by calling me hip slicking cool and told me to increase my meeting attendance but not in town. LOL...huge awarenesses. I worked it this afternoon infact...that aspect of me holding resentments when even the thoughts of it were unjustified and so I let the assumptions and presumptions and fear and judgements and inventory drop to the ground and went in and said goodmorning to her without carrying the weight of the resentment on my face and body language and smiled and said thank you God. It was done. Am I gonna die drunk? I don't want to and for today I haven't. ((((hugs))))
I don't think you are going to die a drunk. I think you are going to " Drop the Rock" and live happily ever after at some point. For some reason I kept thinking of this while reading your post. It's a great book, mostly suggested for those of us with some sober time and wo are ready to try and rid themselves of those lingering defects.
Okay thank you! You are my sponsors today while my sponsor's son has the flu. Thank you thank you so much. I will work with her on this, and I am doing the steps from start to finish with her. My first round - I had switched sponsors 3 - yes THREE times!!!!!!!!!!!! From how much I got out of it with all that chaos - I'm looking forward to what I will discover from doing it in sequence with one amazing recovery woman.
Thank you again all of you, that did help. I feel like this is a pimple that bursts at every single holiday. I'm ready to put more than just a topical solution on it!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
there is one person that I've haven't fully forgiven. I've tried, I've prayed, I've said all the right stuff. It's a family matter by this person is not family. So yeah I know what you're going through. I'm grateful that we live in other states and I haven't see the person since my father's funeral 11 years ago. But every now and then, when I find myself resentful, it comes up. At least I stopped talking about it.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 29th of May 2013 07:47:28 PM
Resentment is a dubious luxury & the #1 offender. All we can do when this happens is pray, keep the faith, walk through it to get to it, higher power will take of it, think easy does it & keep it simple to be peaceful
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