It just sort of occurred to me that I still live with this. I want things RIGHT NOW. My entire mentality is based in this thinking. My job is one that provides cash payment every shift, I shop to feel better, I want to look better immediately, I cook quick meals cuz I don't want to wait, etc. When I feel down, or 'off' in any way, I want to feel 'better' NOW. It's a very immature mentality. Of course, the society in which we live does much to perpetuate this. But, how very typical of an alcoholic. I had a bad day the other day- my thoughts spiraled to drinking within hours. I was thinking 'F this AA sobriety thing- it clearly doesn't work', because I had a tough time just accepting and sitting with negative feelings. They'll pass? What about RIGHT NOW? I had no money to go shopping, made little money at work, my sponser and friends werent available to me on a seconds notice- and I really just didn't know what to do. I had to simply wait it out. Since my other options of instant gratification weren't available, I thought 'vodka'. How crazy. Still much growing up to do for this alcoholic, for sure:)
It just sort of occurred to me that I still live with this. I want things RIGHT NOW. My entire mentality is based in this thinking. My job is one that provides cash payment every shift, I shop to feel better, I want to look better immediately, I cook quick meals cuz I don't want to wait, etc. When I feel down, or 'off' in any way, I want to feel 'better' NOW. It's a very immature mentality. Of course, the society in which we live does much to perpetuate this. But, how very typical of an alcoholic. I had a bad day the other day- my thoughts spiraled to drinking within hours. I was thinking 'F this AA sobriety thing- it clearly doesn't work', because I had a tough time just accepting and sitting with negative feelings. They'll pass? What about RIGHT NOW? I had no money to go shopping, made little money at work, my sponser and friends werent available to me on a seconds notice- and I really just didn't know what to do. I had to simply wait it out. Since my other options of instant gratification weren't available, I thought 'vodka'. How crazy. Still much growing up to do for this alcoholic, for sure:)
When we have problems, we have to find solutions. In order to save time, and because we have limitations in thought, our minds generate an evoked set of possible solutions. Our minds do this very rapidly.
For alcoholics, booze/getting drunk almost always comes up in the evoked set of alternatives/solutions to any problem. No matter how absurd of a "solution" alcohol is.
I heard a guy in AA say, " I'm so impatient, instant gratification isn't quick enough for me"!
It was a struggle for me also in early sobriety and sometimes still. Today I find times like waiting in line or in traffic a opportunity to work a mini 11th step...just trying to get in tune with the "right here right now, totally present".
I think back to when I was a child, hanging out in the yard. No car, no money, no schedule, no place to be, tired of throwing my ball in the air and catching it...maybe I will sit under the tree for a few minutes and pick some blades of grass or watch bugs LOL.
I heard it said the modern humans and often their pets are the only animals in the world who have lost the ability to just "be". We are always looking for the next stimulus or gratification.
It's interesting, we have 2 cats, one can just hang out all day and the other one is always looking for stimulus.....if she is inside, she wants to be out, if out wants back in, if she has food she wants my food
This whole video is great, but skip to 8:30 and listen till 9:40 right on the money for me.
-- Edited by Rob84 on Wednesday 27th of March 2013 11:33:56 PM
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
My early sponsorship had me work on patience and prayer and meditation in cases like this. "The opposite of frustration is patience" I was taught and here it is decades later and it still works. I like getting beyond the dis-ease with this program.
Me too Col! I want it fixed now damn it! The pain of being uncomfortable is tortuous on a Alcoholic. I believe that's where the phase " This To Shall Pass" came into existence. Learning to let go and let God. Sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly. Sometimes easy and sometimes difficult. The Principles have taught me much patience, but it's still a struggle at times. Life events are certainly serenity testers at times. Over time, I've learned to wait out the storm and the sun will shine again, in his time and not mine. My Sponsor reminds me that if we didn't have a bad day once in awhile, we wouldn't appreciate the goods one's.
